23 Months. OMFG!

I can’t even cope with the fact I have an almost 2 year old. Wow, 2 year olds are so old. I used to look at 2 year olds at the park or on mummy instagram accounts and think they were practically adults. Now I have a 23 month old on my hands. But, I will not complain about Augie getting older because getting older is a joy and a privilege that not everyone gets to experience.

Last month we were at the end of a horrible sickness for Augie. I was feeling pretty low and wondering if my gorgeous boy was ever going to snap out of it, but he did eventually. We’ve had some rough days/nights with his back molars starting to come in, but nothing we can’t handle.

This month we went on a big family adventure with a trip to Uluru for my step mum’s 50th Birthday. It was an amazing holiday with my dad, step mum, brother, sister-in-law and niece. We had a direct flight to Uluru and it was only 3 hours. Augie was fantastic, he slept and then played and watched the iPad on both flights. Uluru was incredible and I’d love to go back one day and have more time to soak it all up and do some hikes.

We stayed at the big resort there and had 3 apartments all next door to each other, which worked out awesomely because we could all come and go and still hang out while the kids slept. We did the fancy Sounds of Silence dinner, a helicopter flight, spa afternoon and the Field of Lights. The only hard part were the flies. I bought a fly net after less than an hour there. I could not handle it. 😣

So I’m not sure if Augie has had a development period, but everyone says he looks massive all of a sudden and his speech and awareness has just gone nuts. He’s often talking in [short] sentences now. Things like saying “eat eat eat apples and bananas” which is a Wiggles song he likes. Tonight we were reading a book and he said the line “hurrah it’s a party”. It’s definitely a lot easier when he can communicate like this now. Though one funny thing he does is say “more” when he wants something, but I often don’t know what he wants, so I’ll say “more what?” and he just says “more PLEASE”. Hmmm, great manners, but not helpful.

Right now his favourite things are “this little piggy”, riding his little bike inside, washing the dishes {making mess} and watching cars drive past outside through the window. He is also constantly picking up AJ’s tins of mints and spilling them all on the floor and saying “oh no… mints” and claps his hands on his face like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Now whenever ever he has any accident he says “oh no… mints” even though mints were not involved. It’s very cute.

He’s finally starting to get into colouring and has learnt all his colours now and loves pointing them out everywhere we go. We have a google powered light in the office and you can change the colour with voice activation so he just yells at it all day “OK Google PURPLE! BLUE! PINK”. He’s even learned fuschia, magenta, gold, vermilion (apparently that’s a colour). His memory is insane, we drove into Melbourne the other day and he started saying “Fishies! Owls!” because he realised we were near the aquarium (he calls penguins “owls”. I think he’s going to be smarter than me soon.

Some other things:

• His 2 year old molars are coming in… it’s tough going
• Won’t ever say “yes”, every answer is “naaaah”
• Does not like wearing clothes (or god forbid a jacket). It’s a constant battle
• Balloons, balls and bubbles are life
• Loves to sit on a step and say “ahhh comfy”
• Will not eats vegetable to save his life
• Asks to take a photo and holds my phone up at a selfie angle
• Must have two of every food- one for each hand

Something has happened in the last month and he’s suddenly super clingy with me. He has always been a total daddy’s boy. He would literally shove me away and scream for DAD-EEEEE. But now he’s just all about mum. He snuggles into me, touches my face and says “mu-um” in the sweetest voice. I won’t lie, I bloody love it. Finally!!!

I’m not sure if it’s just winter, but I am feeling a bit down lately. I’ve been regretting our decision to live away from friends and family and just feel so isolated. I’ve been making a concerted effort to hang out with people more and it really helps, but I’m just not loving our new house out in the suburbs. I miss our little house by the beach and our city townhouse. I don’t think I’m cut out for the suburbs. Where to next I wonder? I’m getting sick of moving around, but I just haven’t found the right place yet.

*****

Literally as I was writing this and about to post a week ago, I hear a little voice on the baby monitor saying “mum” super quiet… I investigate and we have projectile vomit. Poor little guy was throwing up for 2 hours. Thankfully he seemed to get it out of his system and he was perfectly fine the next day.

Never a dull moment! Actually that’s a lie, there are plenty of dull moments in parenting… 😝

Fresh Start

We up and moved house last weekend! It happened really quick in the end. We got a new place (rental), put ours up for rent and moved within a week. It had to happen quickly because we couldn’t afford to pay a mortgage on our house and rent on the new place for very long. More than that, we just couldn’t live in chaos with a baby and a home business. So we started packing Wednesday and movers came at 8.00 am Saturday morning. Holy crap it was a tough week.

To be honest, the worst part was that Augie and AJ both had colds. Poor Augie was struggling to eat/drink/sleep because he was so congested. Plus AJ had 3 new clients that week for his business. Then I got the cold from Augie and AJ. It was one of those hellish weeks that you know you’ll remember for a long time.

But, it was all worth it because we love our new house! It’s big enough for a large kitchen table so we can eat dinner as a family. It has a bath, a yard, a laundry and a linen closet. All things I didn’t have before. It makes life with a baby so much easier! And as you can see below, Augie loves it!

We moved from the very busy (and hip) inner city suburb of Brunswick all the way to the coastal town of Torquay. Talk about a change of pace! We are only a 5 minute walk to the beach and so close to all the nice cafes and shops in town. I love it. So far it feels like being on holidays all the time.

If you know the area you might wonder how the hell I’m going to get to work. Well I’m sitting on the train as I type this… AJ works from home and I only work 2 days a week so it made sense to move away from the city. I’m just going to commute into the city on those days. My work has an office in Geelong (the closest regional centre) and I may be able to work one of my days out of there, which would be really easy. If it all gets too hard I will just quit my job and find something locally or stay home with Augie full time.

The hardest bit for me is that the days I work I probably won’t see Augie at all. Today is the first day that I’m doing the full commute. I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt so anxious about it. On Monday night when AJ was putting Augie to bed and I was still on the train, he showed him a photo of me and he smiled and said “mama!”. I’m just going to miss him so fucking much. God he is just such a ray on sunshine every day. I hate being away from him.

At least I know that I can leave my job if it gets too much. I’m lucky in that I don’t need to work (that sounds really annoying, we aren’t rich, we are just trying to live with less). I do want to keep working so that I don’t lose the career that I’ve built. Plus my job is pretty cool right now. It’s the first time ever that I could say that I like my job.

But, I think it’s all going to be worth it when I can take Augie to the beach every day.

Playing Catch Up

So my life lately has really been consumed by work. I haven’t been able to focus on losing weight, but I don’t think I’ve gained weight either. I am counting that as a massive win for me! I am eating healthy on week days (weekends are a disaster) and I’m walking about 25 minutes each way to work most days to keep moving. I need to do more, but lately I just haven’t had the energy and I don’t want to beat myself up about it.

I’ve been in my ‘new’ job for 4 months exactly today. I think I am finally starting to get the hang of it. I still have a long way to go, but I am ever so slightly less panicked and I have even made a couple of friends. I still wish I was living the good life and didn’t have to work though. Man, I really enjoyed that enforced redundancy break. I shouldn’t complain too much though because I guess I am grateful to have a good job.

So my life has really been all about work, but here is what else has been going on in between…

We bought a new car! It was a spur of the moment decision, we had gone out to buy a toaster and ended up driving past a dealership and stopped in for a look. God we are suckers. I am not into cars, but AJ is happy because it does fast sporty things and I am happy because it has heated seats. Win, win.

AJ was asked to speak at a conference in Sydney, so I took the opportunity to join him and make it a long weekend. My brother and sister in law moved to Sydney last year, so it was great to visit them and also plan a little break to the cute wine area of Mudgee. I loved it, we had a blast.

While we were in Sydney we nabbed tickets to see Ben Folds (one of my favourites) at the Sydney Opera House. I had always wanted to see a show at the Opera House so that was awesome. Sydney is so much fun!

My sister in law is due to have her baby on the 25th October. Eeeek, I can’t believe I’ll be an aunty for the first time soon. I threw her a baby shower in the pub underneath my apartment last month. I stressed myself out with the whole thing of course. Party planning is hard work, but it went really well. Phew.

We are still waiting for our townhouse to be built. Originally it was supposed to be finished in August… and we are now in October and we are still a long way off. Apparently the builder has had health issues and has had to have treatment in France, so I guess there isn’t much we can do about it. What makes me nervous is that my rental apartment is being sold and going to auction this weekend. So there is a good chance we are going to be without a house. Shit, shit, shit.

That’s all folks.

xxoo

I Can’t Wait…

When I was recently reflecting on 7 years with the lapband, I found this post from my old blog talking about all the things I can’t wait to do when I lose weight.

Wow I had really forgotten how much I hated myself and just how scared of life I used to be at 130 kilos. I thought that I still had a lot of issues now (and I probably do), but I can really see just how far I have come in the past 7 years.

Reading through this list I felt so sad for the old me, but also grateful for the life I have now.

Strap yourself in, it’s a long one.

Here is what from 2009 couldn’t wait to do when I lost weight:

~ Shop, shop and shop some more
Shopping is definitely easier, but it’s still not something I enjoy much. Those change rooms are still tortuous. Is shopping fun for anyone?
~ Give myself a pedicure without damaging my internal organs when I bend over
LOL! Yes, I guess I can do this now, but I’d rather pay someone else to have to deal with my manky feet!
~ Have awesome, long, crazy sex in all sorts of positions
Ummm… this is a bit TMI! Obviously I thought I was going to become Samantha from SITC when I lost weight… Well let’s just say that I am still a bit lazy in the sack.
~ Wear jeans without an elastic waist
Yes! Just last Thursday night I stopped by the shops to get some new jeans from Just Jeans in a size 14 and they weren’t even stretchy. That is a big achievement for me!
~ Run into old friends without wanting to hide
Oh God no, I still hate running into old friends, but that is mostly due to my anti-social nature.
~ Go on hikes with my family
I did do a bit of this, especially while travelling in Canada in 2010. In fact next weekend I am going on a walk with my (ex) sister-in-law. Anytime I am in a situation when I am walking or hiking with friends I always feel grateful that I can do it now because I remember how hard it used to be and how much it scared me.
~ Fit into everything in ‘normal’ shops
Nope. Not even close. I can fit into skirts and and pants normally, but not dresses or tops because I am still quite big across the top. I do get lucky sometimes and can fit into an oversize top or dress. It’s still sooooo much easier than it was before.
~ Zip up killer knee high boots
I have done this, but they are normally still stretchy boots, my calves are still a little chunky.
~ Sit on any seat without fear of it breaking
I don’t think I will EVER lose the fear of breaking seats. I have PTSD when it comes to flimsy seats.  Just the other day I tried to make AJ swap seats with me at a restaurant because I thought mine would break, but I forgot that I actually weigh less than him now, so I had to take the dodgy seat.
~ Eat in public without getting those looks
I forgot about those looks! I haven’t stressed about being shamed for eating in public in a long time. Unfortunately I am still very likely to spill food on myself when eating in public. I’m still a grub.
~ Go to the hairdressers and be able to look at myself in the mirror without disgust
Oh this makes me sad for past me. I remember how hard I found it to look at myself in the mirror at the hairdressers. How much I hated myself. I still curse myself for going to the salon and not wearing makeup or my double chin caused by those unflattering capes, but it doesn’t upset me.
~ Shop in designer stores
No, can’t do that, but that’s OK.
~ Fit comfortably on a massage table
Yes, I love getting massages now. I remember how much I hated my first massage when I was at my biggest. It was physically painful to be on the massage table and I hated every second of it.
~ Wear stupidly high stilettos
Ha ha… no I still can’t manage high heels. Probably never going to happen because I have foot issues from plantar faciitis and I am not coordinated.
~ Have a summer where I don’t get so hot and sweaty
I actually love summer now and rarely feel overly hot and sweaty. If anything, I tend to be too cold most of the time and will even wear tights and coats through summer. What a difference.
~ Ride a bike
I am shit scared of riding bikes in the city! I have ridden a bike when I went to Lombok a couple of years ago and it felt amazing to ride around the island and to the beach on a bike. If I lived in a smaller town I would definitely buy a bike.
~ Have beauty treatments without feeling fat and disgusting
I thoroughly enjoy having beauty treatments now. I would do it every day if I could afford it.
~ Stop defining myself by my weight
Well that is something I still strive to do every single day. I am getting better, but I am still a long way from being successful.
~ Wear sexy (and incredibly uncomfortable) lingerie
No, I simply can’t be fucked…
~ Have a flat stomach
Thanks to my body lift surgery I have a pretty flat stomach (but lumpy back)
~ Be fit enough to participate in a team sport or a gym class
I haven’t really done this because I am not really a sporty kind of person. I am not motivated by team sports or gym classes, but I could probably keep up enough so that I didn’t make a complete fool of myself. I have semi-regularly attended yoga and Pilates classes over the years without too much embarrassment.
~ Use public toilets comfortably
Oh yeah, I forgot how difficult those small cubicals could be to navigate. Especially when they wedge in a huge sanitary napkin bin right next to the seat. Now my only issues with public toilets are that I am a germophobe. I still can’t really hover either, I do not have the strength… I should do more squats!
~ Be able to walk anywhere without getting tired
Yes I can most of the time (except for issues with my plantar faciitis). I am so grateful for having better physical fitness and stamina.
~ Have more confidence in myself and my appearance
An hour ago I would have said no, but after reading this list I have realised how much my confidence has actually improved. So this is a yes!
~ Sit on someones lap
I regularly annoy AJ by sitting on his lap and tickling him or interrupting his iPad games.
~ Dance in clubs without looking ridiculous
Noooooo, I still look ridiculous!!!!!!!!! I probably look more ridiculous because I will attempt to drop it like it’s hot or be all sexy and I cannot pull it off.
~ Get up off the floor without using my hands
I can do this, but will normally use my hands because it’s easier.
~ Have the energy to do anything I want on holidays
I do have the energy to do anything on holidays now, but I very often choose to relax and do as little as possible. Since losing weight I have had some amazing adventures on holidays that involve hiking, helicopters, beaches, canoes, bikes, dancing, boats and all the things I didn’t think I could do before.
~ Not worry about dying from obesity related diseases
I don’t worry about this anymore.
~ Get on a plane and be able to do up the seat belt and pull down the dinner tray
Yes, it is such an amazing moment when you can do this for the first time after being overweight for so long. What a feeling.
~ Go to Disney World and ride any ride I want to
I did this on a trip to the USA in 2010 and I had an amazing time. I think I was the happiest person at Disney World that day!
~ Stop blaming my problems on my weight
I don’t think I do this anymore??? I do still eat my feelings, but that is a seperate issue.
~ Wear a bathing suit with confidence
Was I thinking that I would be a swimsuit model when I lost weight? No I don’t think I feel confident, but I am much better than I used to be. Just last weekend I went to the Mornington Peninsula hot springs and walked around in my bathers just fine.
~ Get a bit of male attention when I go out
This doesn’t happen too much, but that’s OK, I probably wouldn’t know what to do with it!
~ Wear shorts without them bunching between my fat thighs when I walk
Ha ha, this still happens! I don’t really wear shorts very often for that reason.
~ Go to job interviews without worrying about my weight
Well I just went through this after being made redundant and I have to say that I didn’t feel like my weight was a factor in any of the job interviews I had.
~ Get out of the shower and wrap a towel around me
I think I could do this, but I normally just dry myself and get dressed, I don’t really prance around in just a towel.
~ Go to the beach with friends
I am sure I have done this, but I am not really a beach person, I prefer to swim in pools. Or just sit by the pool with a cocktail.
~ Be able to see my vagina again
Oh wow, I forgot how honest I can be. Thanks to that body lift surgery my vagina is back in full view!
~ Feel normal
Well normal is a very loaded word. I am going to say that I do feel normal enough, especially in comparison to how I used to feel.
~ Go to the gym without feeling like an imposter
Yes, but I still hate exercising in the gym (because I am lazy).
~ Have someone be able to lift me up
AJ does often pick me, but I am not exactly a lightweight, he can only pick me up a few feet off the ground.
~ Go to any event and not worry about how I look and what I’ll wear
I will never stop being neurotic about how I look and what I wear at events. Even if I was a size 8 I would still stress about how I look. I am about 90% better than I used to be though.
~ Be able to do up my bra from the back
I haven’t actually tried, maybe I will try tomorrow morning. Does it even matter?
~ Go to the footy and feel comfortable in my seat and going through the turnstile
Yep, I have done this many, many times. I never take it for granted though.
~ Feel young, pretty and carefree
Wow, that is a strange thing to say. I can’t say that I have ever felt that way, but maybe I was expecting too much from weight loss?
~ Be able to wear the robes at fancy hotels
I love doing this now.
~ Run when I want or need to
I frequently run for the tram, but that’s about it!
~ Have girly days with my girlfriends and feel comfortable
I often have girly days at spas, wineries or the races and don’t feel like my weight is an issue (though I don’t think my friends ever felt like my weight was an issue, that was just me)
~ Have a defined waist, hips and chest
Not as much as I had hoped, but a huge improvement on what I used to be when I was 50 kilos heavier. Spanx helps!
~ Wear skirts in summer without chaffing
Generally this is OK, but I still have the occasional chaffing incident. Ouch.
~ Meet new people without wondering if they will hate me because I am fat
Yes and no. I have mixed success on this, I still often think I am not attractive enough to be liked or accepted by people.
~ Not be scared of new things
I am much better at this, but my nature is still that of a scaredy cat.
~ Not feel limited by anyone or anything because of my size
I don’t think I do let my weight hold me back from too much these days. I still have my issues with food and self confidence, but I am doing OK.

This is a photo of me taken today at the build site of our new townhouse (about to fall off that plank of wood into the mud). I don’t know exactly what I weigh, but I am feeling better in my skin.

New Year, New House

I have been craving change lately (and chocolate, but that is normal). I feel like I did nothing new or different with my life in 2015. I stayed in the same house, same job, same relationship. Obviously that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I felt like I needed a change. So just two days before Christmas 2015, on my 35th birthday, AJ and I signed the papers to buy a new townhouse.

Yay!

The details:

• It’s in Brunswick (suburb of Melbourne)
• It’s purchased off-the-plan
• It’ll be finished in September 2015
• There are 6 townhouses on the block
• It is 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom
• It’s 3 stories high (holy crap that is a lot of stairs)

We are currently renting an apartment in Richmond, so we’ll stay here until it’s time to move into the new place. September can’t come quick enough.

Let’s just hope that neither of us lose our jobs between now and then… I hope I didn’t just jinx us!

Me on the block

AJ reviewing the plans

Choosing bathroom tiles

AJ pacing out the block to work out where our townhouse will sit