Lap Band Update

I’m on a diet and I only have one thing to say…

hungry

But you might ask why I am so hungry if I had lap band surgery? Well, me and my lap band are not friends at all anymore.

I had lap band surgery in 2009 and, with great amounts of dedication, diet and exercise, I managed to take my weight from 130 kilos (286 lbs) to a 75-85 kilo (165 – 187 lbs) range. That was amazing! Unfortunately I did not ever really get to feel fuller from eating only small amounts of food. I mostly lost weight because I could not physically keep my food down.

Eating really did just become too hard. It was physically painful and stressful. I turned to ‘slider’ foods like chocolate and ice cream that I could get down. I struggled with nutrition and general health (anemia, B12 deficiency, constipation, exhaustion).

I’ve had well over 50 adjustments of my band to try and find that elusive sweet spot, but I have never found it. I persevered because I thought I was doing something wrong, Maybe I was eating too fast or not chewing my food enough? Or maybe I just need one more adjustment and it would be more comfortable?

Ultimately, I think that a big reason why I struggled so much was that I am a very anxious person and I found that stress, anxiety, tiredness and sickness all made my band clamp up tight. Once my mum got sick and I was looking after her and under a lot of stress my band became totally unmanageable. After she died I ended up begging the doctor to just remove as much fluid as possible because I couldn’t cope with the additional stress of not being able to eat.

I am so much happier without fluid in my lap band. I love being able to eat in any restaurant and not spend the entire time in fear of getting stuck. I love eating lunch with colleagues at work and not looking strange as I nibble on my food and then rush off to the bathroom to throw it up. I love it when someone offers me a taste of their food and I can confidently have a bite without consequences. I love cooking a delicious meal at home and being able to sit down and actually enjoy eating it.

The major negative is that I do really struggle to keep my weight off now. I tend toward binge eating to manage anxiety and the one thing that the lap band did was stop me being able to binge eat. So I guess I have to pick my battles… I can either have fluid in my band and not be able to eat or have the fluid taken out and be able to eat too much. Nothing is ever easy.

The Weight Update

diet meme

In the least shocking news ever… I am still trying to lose weight! I know, it’s incredibly boring, can’t I do something different for a change???

For anyone that is interested, here is a little recap to get you up to speed:

How it all started…

  • I have been obese my entire life
  • I tried everything to lose weight, but I just couldn’t keep it off
  • In May 2009 I weighed 130 kilos (286 lbs) and had lap band surgery
  • I lost about 55 kilos (121 lbs)
  • In November 2012 I had body lift surgery to get rid of the excess skin
  • I weighed about 70 kilos (154 lbs)
  • Life was great and I was (almost) happy

The all important before and after pictures:

bathers joined image

dress joined

Then what happened?

  • My mum got sick with cancer in May 2013
  • I coped with the stress by overeating
  • My mum passed away in March 2014
  • I gained 35 kilos (77 lbs)

fat again joined

And then what?

  • In May 2014 I went on a manic grief induced diet
  • I exercised 5 days per week
  • I took the Duromine diet pill
  • I had the fill removed from my lap band because the stress made it too tight
  • I lost 20 kilos by December 2014

bali joined

And now?

  • My weight has bounced (mostly up) around 10 kilos (22 lbs) this year
  • I am trying to lose the last 15 kilos (33 lbs) I gained
  • I want to have an upper body lift (the second surgery I need)
  • Dieting is still bloody hard
  • I would like to love my body more

Capture

What’s next?

  • Stay tuned!
  • Spoiler alert: I’ll probably gain weight again…

Hello again my friends

I had a blog for almost 8 years which mostly focussed on my attempts at weight loss… and the inevitable weight gain. I closed it down in 2014 shortly after my mum died and I wanted to close myself off from the world as much as possible. After I closed my blog down I realised that I missed blogging so, so much. I had no idea how much writing helped me process my thoughts and connect with my blogging friends.

Or, maybe I am just a narcissist and need the attention…

Willy Wonka Blog