Mum Life (blah blah blah)

Well the year is almost half over and I haven’t blogged at all! Thank you Caragh for your comment checking in. 😊

I did write a post a few months ago, but it was just so negative that I couldn’t post it. I hate sounding like such a sad sack and I have this paranoia that if I complain about things that are not important than something really bad will actually happen and make me realise that I should have been grateful for what I had.

Life as a mum of two is bloody hard work. I feel like I am not cut out for this life. It’s just nonstop craziness from the second they wake until they (finally) go to bed. Then Teddy is still waking between 2-6 times a night so there is no break. I think the sleep deprivation just makes you feel like a different person. Lol, he woke as I typed that, I jinxed myself.

Aside from the sleeping, Teddy is a pretty easy kid. And the waking at night doesn’t bother me, I think it’s perfectly normal for a baby and I’m happy to respond to what he needs. It’s just exhausting. August is almost 4 and he’s an emotional kid and becoming a big brother has been hard on him. It’s only gotten harder as Teddy has become more mobile (he’s almost 14 months now) and destroys all August’s very important legos and trains tracks. I basically spend all day trying to keep them from upsetting each other and it makes me feel sad to see them not getting along. The guilt that one of them is constantly missing out on what they want or need keeps me awake at night.

A very rare moment of harmony

Currently I’m not working and I don’t have a job to go back to now that Teddy is getting older. I worked part time since August was 7 months old so I feel a bit lost and bored to be honest. I wake up and my big goals for the day are around doing a grocery shop or washing clothes. I am definitely spending too much money online shopping or taking the kids on outings just to stem the boredom. I haven’t been seriously looking for work though as we were planning to relocate soon and I didn’t want to settle Teddy into a childcare only to change it on him, but we are facing ongoing delays with the house build. By delays I mean we haven’t even started building!

I feel very much like a mum cliche who has completely lost herself. I never wanted to parent like this and I think it sets a bad example for my kids. I just don’t know how to find a way out of it when I have very limited support with the kids and I’m lacking the confidence to find meaningful employment. I just miss my old life and wearing nice clothes and make up and having time to myself and thinking about things other than the kids and the ability to get my eyebrows waxed without requiring a strategic plan.

I know it won’t always be like this and one day the kids will sleep at night and dress themselves and feed themselves and bathe themselves and probably not want me around. I just wish I had a better balance so it was easier to enjoy these delicious little kiddos.

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  PJ day at school

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  😍

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  My happy bub

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  At the airport, so excited!

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  Only does silly faces now

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  Look at that smile!