11 Months Old

Age: Oh my god. I have an 11 month old baby. I would be outraged at how big he is and how quickly time has flown, but I can’t be sad about it because I feel so blessed for every moment with him. Sorry for the mush!

He finished a big development leap about a week ago and I can see his skills increasing on a daily basis! He dances, throws balls to you, reaches when he wants something, plays chasey with me (of sorts!) and tries to do the actions to incy wincy spider. Today he tried to put the lid back on his yoghurt tube.

He isn’t walking on his own yet, he cruises around the house holding onto furniture and walls very well (and getting into every cupboard). I don’t see that he seems inclined to walk independently any time soon and I’m not exactly encouraging it. He’ll get there in his own time.

Feeding:Β He has 3 bottles of formula a day and 3 meals a day. Pretty easy. His favourite foods are mandarins, pears, apples, peas, broccoli, avocado, quinoa, peanut butter sandwiches, hummus and crackers and weetbix. I cannot get him to eat bananas. I thought all kids loved bananas? I’ve tried making banana pancakes, muffins and oats and he won’t touch them. Weird. Maybe I’ll try a banana smoothie this week.

I did suspect he had a dairy allergy at one point so I shifted him to almond milk in his cereal (lucky he didn’t have the allergy because I forgot his formula was cows milk too, whoops). It turns out it wasn’t a food allergy, it’s discoid eczema. The doctor has given me all sorts of steroid creams for him that should clear it up. Thankfully he doesn’t seem itchy or bothered by it. I’ve actually got it too and I’ve mostly grown out of it as an adult.

Sleeping routine:Well, well, well. My perfect sleeping baby has completely disappeared. It’s been a tough month.

When I try to put August to bed he just screams when I leave the room. He’s never been like that before. He has never needed to be rocked to sleep or been clingy to me. It can take me 2-3 hours a night to get him to sleep now. I think he has separation anxiety, apparently it peaks around this age.

The only thing that works is if I put him in bed with me and then transfer him to his cot when he’s asleep or if I lay next to the cot with my hand in there for him to put against his cheek. So many times I have thought he was asleep and try to sneak off and get busted and have to start the process all over again. Normally it’s when I’m hungry and really want dinner.

It’s been a bit of a drainer because by the end of the day I really want some time to myself to relax and it’s hard to get that right now. Plus I feel bad for the little guy who seems so scared if I leave him at night.

He’s also been waking once a night on most nights (he hasn’t done this since he was 10 weeks old). Sometimes he wants a bottle, mostly he just needs a cuddle. This doesn’t bother me too much, I just sit in the rocking chair and cuddle him until he falls asleep.

I can’t seem to get answers on when/if this stage will stop. It shows no sign of ending any time soon. The benefit is how cuddly he is right now. Silver linings!


Clapping- he finally knows how to clap. He used to think that clapping was slapping his hand against mine, now he understands how to clap his own hands together.

Tantrums- he stiffens up and arches his back when I take something off him that he wants (like the iPhone cord, our house plants or the toilet paper). It’s cute right now, I’m sure I won’t always think so!

Talking- he’d been saying Mum, now he also says dad and puppy. Plus he often tries to repeat other words like pop, oops a daisy, no or any other random word he hears. It’s mostly unintelligible, but I can understand him.

Understanding me- he knows what ‘no’ means and how to ignore me. When I’m trying to get him to sleep he picks up his dummy that is attached to his comforter and tries to throw it away (I have no idea why) and when I say ‘no’ he stops, looks at me and then deliberately throws it 5 seconds later and is very pleased with himself. Same when I tell him ‘no’ when he’s touching the fireplace (which I keep switched off during the day for safety). He knows enough to stop, but then can’t help himself and grabs it anyway and thinks it’s a great game. It’s pretty funny.

Achievements: It’s been a long time coming, but Augie has finally stopped being spewy. He’s only spewed a couple of times in the past month and it’s made life so much easier. It was so awkward when someone wanted to hold him or I took him somewhere and I had to worry about him spitting up.

The best part is how much less washing I have now. I was having to wash mine and AJ’s clothes every day (if not more if he spewed on me in the morning). Now I can get more than one wear out of jeans again. Yay!

Things we have learned:We can’t read to Augie before bed anymore. He’s obsessive and just won’t stop. He’ll have mini tantrums if I stop reading. His favourite is Puppy Makes Mischief that my friend (and blogger) Cat bought him. I know all the words by heart now! The book also came with a soft puppy toy and Augie has discovered it and is equally obsessed. He now says “puppy” and when I ask him where puppy is, he crawls over to get him and give him a cuddle. So cute. Thanks for the pressie Cat, he just loves it. πŸ™‚

Appearance: He is still my chubby little blonde boy. He’s getting more hair and it’s growing into a nice little mullet. Good look Augie.

AJ weighed him yesterday and he was about 10.5 kilos. That’s why my back hurts!

We’ve had 4 more teeth spout up this month (no wonder he won’t sleep). So now he has 6 teeth total. The funny thing is that he has popped one big top front tooth, but not the other front tooth, so he looks a little lopsided. Now he’s grown the little tooth next to it, but not the big front one, so he’s got two on one side and none on the other. It’s an interesting look…

Mummy update:Its been a weird month for me after losing my job. I’m feeling a real loss of identity without a career to go back to now. I can see how hard it’s going to be to have a meaningful career and have the time I want with Augie and it’s been a difficult realisation. I guess this is why people say that you can’t have it all.

It was also weird that it happened so soon after moving away from the city. I felt a bit isolated being away from all my friends and then losing my job on top of it made me feel so disconnected.

So I have thrown myself into this mummying gig. I’ve joined a local playgroup, been going to baby time at the library and I even finally joined Facebook (which I hate) just so I can join the local online Mum groups- which actually seem to be pretty annoying. But I am going to go to a few catch ups and see if I can connect to other mums. I also even had a coffee date with a Mum I met in the playground. Whoa. It’s been a big month for an introvert like me!


10 Months Old

Age: My little bubby is 10 months and has had so many changes this month. He is feeling more and more like a toddler. He walks around everywhere (holding onto the furniture) and is very steady now. He gets upset if I take something away from him. He wants to get into everything… especially my handbag, his nappy wipes, the toilet paper, the kitchen cupboards, our plants, our shoes and our phones. Changing his nappy is an Olympic event for me and trying to clean his face is a constant battle. He loves baths, songs, books, playing with the footy, climbing the clothes drying rack, watching the washing machine and his dad (his face just lights up when he sees him). He just seems like he understands so much more now too. Being his mum is a lot of fun and just a constant joy.

One great thing about moving was that I unpacked the house being mindful of what Augie can get into, so it’s pretty child proof. I can relax and make myself a cup of tea around the corner in the kitchen and not be too worried about what sort of mischief he is making.

Unfortunately our new house has a set of stairs, so I can’t relax completely, but they are easy to block off with stair gates this time and also carpeted. Augie can climb all the way to the top on his own (under careful supervision). I’d prefer not to have stairs at all, but it was just so hard to find a house in our budget without them as we are in a townhouse not a proper house. The whole layout of this new place is a thousand times easier to manage than our last house. We just love it here so far! Oh and I can see the ocean from my bed so I feel pretty lucky.

Feeding: The little guy is enjoying food more and more every day. He normally has a weetbix or oats for breakfast and then a sandwich, quinoa, avocado, spaghetti, lamb chops, chicken, veggies or whatever I can scrape together for lunch and dinner. Plus plenty of fruit (pears are his favourite). He also has 3 bottles a day (one before each sleep), but he often does not drink much. I offer him 180 mls, but he rarely drinks it all.

Sleeping routine: He is still mostly sleeping well. He’s had some trouble getting to sleep and needing lots of extra cuddles, which is no big sacrifice for me (except when I really want to a glass of wine). Normally at bedtime he arches his back and basically says, fuck off now Mum, I’m ready to go in the cot. So I have enjoyed my baby wanting extra snuggles. Once he gets to sleep, he’s still mostly sleeping through the night. So I can’t complain.

He still has 2 naps a day, the first at about 9.30 am and the second at about 1.30 pm and they both last between 1-2 hours. Then bed at 6.30 pm and he sleeps until about 7-7.30 am (if everything goes to plan).


– First intentional word and it was “Mum”. Yay!!! I think he’s also starting to say “Dad” and he’ll mimic words I say to him sometimes, but it’s normally a one-off and it’s more like making sounds than saying words!

– First night in his own room! After we moved house we had enough space for Augie to have his own room. He wasn’t bothered at all and didn’t notice the change, but AJ and I were a bit sad. On the first night we both went to bed and neither of us had mentioned we felt weird about it, then suddenly AJ says “do you want to go sleep in Augie’s room?” And we both slept on the floor in his room. We could only do that for one night though because we are way too old to sleep on the floor. Ouch!

– He gives proper kisses now. I say, give me a kiss and he sucks on your lips. It’s so cute (and wet).

Achievements: Moving house in less than a week with a baby and a home business on our own. Well actually, my dad took a sickie from work one day to come over and watch Augie so I could pack and him and my step Mum also came down on moving day to take Augie out of the chaos. It was a mammoth effort and not something I want to do again soon.

Things we have learned: Take snacks with you everywhere, it’s the best way to keep him occupied!

Appearance: A chubby blonde haired and blue eyed little cherub. He still only has his two bottom teeth and boy are they sharp little fuckers.

Mummy update: It was my first Mother’s Day earlier this month and we didn’t really do anything because we moved house the day before and that was where 100% of our focus was instead. I don’t care much about that sort of thing and it’s a mixed day for me thinking of the loss of my own Mum and how much I’d like to have her here with me, especially now I’m a Mum.

Something strange happened though, I was texting with my mothers group and the girls started talking about their plans for Mother’s Day. It seemed like they were being spoiled with some amazing plans by their husbands and families. The first thought that popped into my head was ‘well they breastfed their babies so they deserve to be spoiled’. What the hell?! I had no idea that I even thought that way. I had no idea that I thought less of myself as a mother because I wasn’t able to breastfeed. So that’s a strange one to process and I’m not sure how I feel about it now.

Fresh Start

We up and moved house last weekend! It happened really quick in the end. We got a new place (rental), put ours up for rent and moved within a week. It had to happen quickly because we couldn’t afford to pay a mortgage on our house and rent on the new place for very long. More than that, we just couldn’t live in chaos with a baby and a home business. So we started packing Wednesday and movers came at 8.00 am Saturday morning. Holy crap it was a tough week.

To be honest, the worst part was that Augie and AJ both had colds. Poor Augie was struggling to eat/drink/sleep because he was so congested. Plus AJ had 3 new clients that week for his business. Then I got the cold from Augie and AJ. It was one of those hellish weeks that you know you’ll remember for a long time.

But, it was all worth it because we love our new house! It’s big enough for a large kitchen table so we can eat dinner as a family. It has a bath, a yard, a laundry and a linen closet. All things I didn’t have before. It makes life with a baby so much easier! And as you can see below, Augie loves it!

We moved from the very busy (and hip) inner city suburb of Brunswick all the way to the coastal town of Torquay. Talk about a change of pace! We are only a 5 minute walk to the beach and so close to all the nice cafes and shops in town. I love it. So far it feels like being on holidays all the time.

If you know the area you might wonder how the hell I’m going to get to work. Well I’m sitting on the train as I type this… AJ works from home and I only work 2 days a week so it made sense to move away from the city. I’m just going to commute into the city on those days. My work has an office in Geelong (the closest regional centre) and I may be able to work one of my days out of there, which would be really easy. If it all gets too hard I will just quit my job and find something locally or stay home with Augie full time.

The hardest bit for me is that the days I work I probably won’t see Augie at all. Today is the first day that I’m doing the full commute. I couldn’t sleep last night because I felt so anxious about it. On Monday night when AJ was putting Augie to bed and I was still on the train, he showed him a photo of me and he smiled and said “mama!”. I’m just going to miss him so fucking much. God he is just such a ray on sunshine every day. I hate being away from him.

At least I know that I can leave my job if it gets too much. I’m lucky in that I don’t need to work (that sounds really annoying, we aren’t rich, we are just trying to live with less). I do want to keep working so that I don’t lose the career that I’ve built. Plus my job is pretty cool right now. It’s the first time ever that I could say that I like my job.

But, I think it’s all going to be worth it when I can take Augie to the beach every day.

9 Months Old

I was at work when Augie turned 9 months today so I asked AJ to take the milestone photo and this is what he took…

Age: 9 months old. Which means he has now been around in the world for as long as he was in my tummy. As much as time has gone quickly, it also feels like forever because I can barely remember life without him. Oh actually, I do remember all those fun nights out and weekend sleep ins… ha ha.

I feel like we have a new baby this month. After he finished his last development leap he is just so much more aware. I feel like he understands games and even my tone of voice and routine. He loves playing peekaboo and books with peekaboo boxes he can lift. He mimics sounds I make and the other day he was mimicking me when I said dada. He has said mama and baba as babbles, but tis seemed intentional. He loves waving hello and waves hi and bye to my dad and step mum on facetime.

Physically he is just into bloody everything. I honestly can’t even take my eyes off him to send a text message. He learned to stand just a day before we went on holidays to a beach house and I was a nervous wreck the entire holiday as he crawled around and tried to pull himself up on all the side tables, ottomans, coffees tables… basically any flimsy thing he could find that wasn’t bolted to the ground. The deck outside had 3 large stadium style steps and he learned to crawl up them as well. Let’s just say that it wasn’t as relaxing a holiday as I had hoped!

Feeding: Augie has finally got the hang of this eating business. I managed to shift from 5 bottles to just 3 bottles a day of 210 mls (which he doesn’t really drink all of) and 3 meals. I gave him some of those Rafferty’s Garden pouches and yoghurt pouches and he just loves them. They are 100% natural, no added crap and so easy because he holds them himself and will feed himself quite neatly (no mess yay!). He enjoyed them so much that I think he ended up eating too much and his body struggled to process the sudden arrival of all this food. So we’ve been dealing with a lack of dirty nappies… to put it delicately. Mashed pear normally helps, but even that wouldn’t work and Coloxyl didn’t help either. I ended up trying prune juice and that seems to do the trick. It was quite awful to see the little guy crying and struggling and uncomfortable. So I’ve backed off on the pouches and focussing on finger food (which he eats a bit of, but throws a lot on the floor) and milk again. We’ll build up more slowly this time.

Sleeping routine: No change here from last month: 10.00 -11.30 am, 2.00 – 3.00 pm, 6.30 pm – 7.00 am. It’s not always exactly to those times, but pretty close. It makes life so much easier when you can plan around his sleep times. He did struggle with sleeping during our holiday this month and I’m not sure if it was the leap he was in or if it was just the travel and being somewhere unfamiliar. It’s a bloody pain when you’re trying to relax on holidays and the little munchkin wakes at 8.30 pm wanting playtime and cuddles, just when I was wanting wine time.

Firsts: Last month he could crawl, but he preferred to commando crawl. Now he crawls properly all of the time and by god is he fast! The big news is that he can now also pull himself up into standing position. It blows my mind to watch him. He crawls across the room, pulls himself up on his shelves, gets a book, lays on the floor and turns the pages. Just wow. OK, I know all babies do this, he’s not special, it’s just amazing to watch you own baby learn these new skills. With this new skill comes many more bumps to the head. He falls/bangs his head on something quite hard on a daily basis now. Oh my nerves.

Achievements: Well these are not really achievements, just key milestones for the month.

– His dad’s birthday! We drove to a brew pub for lunch and then ate cakes in the park. A beautiful day.

– Easter! The Easter bunny came for Augie (but unfortunately I had to eat his egg). My dad and step Mum cane over for Easter Sunday lunch and we made a pork roast and a lemon tart. I’m already excited for next year when Augie can run around looking for eggs.

– We had a week holiday at a beautiful beach house in Pearl Beach with my brother, sister in law, niece, dad and step Mum. The weather was so perfect and it was the most amazing spot. I could happily live there.

Things we have learned:I can fall over carrying Augie up the stairs at home. I’d been scared of falling down, but this week I managed to fall up. Thank god I didn’t hurt Augie! I thought I had at first, but then he started giggling at me because I was crying out in pain (yeah, nice Augie!) which he thought was a fun game. Now I have a bung knee. Add it to the list of ‘old fat person’ injuries I have!

Appearance:Β He still just has the 2 bottom teeth, but has just started teething again in the last few days so I am expecting he might crack another soon. When he is teething he pulls, rubs and scratches his ear a lot, to the point it has been bleeding quite a bit. I am starting to get concerned it could be something more though so I’m going to take him to the doctor this week to make sure it isn’t anything wrong with his ear. I used to get bad ear infections and burst my ear drum when I was little, so I’m slightly worried he could have similar issues.

Mummy update:Β I have been having nightmares every single night that he is in my bed and I can’t find him. I wake up trying to find him and worried he’s squashed, suffocated or fallen off the bed. He has barely ever slept in our bed with us, so I am not sure where this is coming from. I think that it is still the fear I have about something happening to him after he had his big fall down the stairs a month and a half ago.

We are still looking for a new home. I take on board everyone’s thoughts on how we shouldn’t let the stairs incident shake us up so much that we have to move, but we were thinking of leaving anyway, this has just sped up the decision. This house is just not suitable for a baby, especially a baby who is on the move! We have no proper outdoor space for him to play, no bath, no space for a kitchen table where we can eat together as a family. Things like that are important to me. Now that AJ is working for himself from home and I only work 2 days a week, it makes sense that we could move further from the city and have more house and more space for our family. We currently live in an inner city suburb of Melbourne and it’s a great place to live if you want to go out for drinks, dinner, to see bands etc., but we just don’t do those things anymore because we have Augie and no babysitters around. After our recent beach holiday and seeing how much Augie just loved the beach, we are thinking of heading toward the coast maybe. Stay tuned.

The Worst

The worst happened. I always feared it would happen, but I didn’t really think it would. Augie fell down our stairs.

He’s OK.

How he is OK, I have no idea because he fell headfirst down 15 hardwood stairs. He didn’t slide down, he bounced down each and every stair. It’s actually very hard to even write that because it gives me terrible flashbacks. Sick to my stomach doesn’t even begin to describe it.

I got there in time to watch him fall and I raced after him hoping that he would lose momentum and stop falling. Of course that did’t happen and I could only scoop up his tiny body when he got to the end. My poor baby.

He cried immediately and then stopped after about 10 seconds of cuddles. He seemed like his old self (though the doctor later told me that he was probably in shock). AJ had raced down the stairs after me and I just said put him in the car, we are going to the hospital.

We are lucky that we live less than 5 kms from the Royal Children’s Hospital. It was a Saturday night and traffic was pretty good so we got there within about 15 minutes of his fall. I sang to him in the car and he laughed in the same places he always laughed and he was saying “ba ba ba” which was what he’d been saying to me all day. He seemed great, but I was actually more worried about deeper injuries that might not be immediately visible.

AJ dropped us off at emergency and went to park the car. When I took him out of his car seat I literally gasped when I saw the lumps that had already come up on his head. I went straight inside the hospital and told them what happened. Within a few minutes we were assessed by a nurse and then taken to a bed to be seen by a doctor.

I couldn’t believe how quiet it was in the hospital. There was only one other family in the waiting room! I later learned that we actually didn’t even make it to the waiting room and were triaged to see a doctor immediately. Later that night I walked past the actual waiting room that was full to the brim.

In our room, a young doctor performed a lot of tests on him, mostly to do with cognitive/head injury. They didn’t do x-rays or other scans because he was simply too young. Their main concern was bleeding on the brain so they continued to check his vital signs every hour until we were past the 6 hour mark, which is then considered fairly safe.

Augie was amazing and didn’t cry or get upset at all. He loved the attention from all the doctors and nurses and all the gadgets they had to perform tests on him. They gave me a cot for him and he slept a little bit, but woke every 20 minutes whimpering and needing cuddles. AJ had to go home once we knew Augie was ok. All 3 of us had a bad case of gastro and AJ was still in the thick of it. He was so sick that he went home and passed out on the bathroom floor. What a fucking night.

They let us go home at 2.00 am after they were confident he was ok. He was so tired and slept until 1.00 pm the next day… despite the fact I poked and prodded him all night to make sure he was ok.

All the doctors and nurses couldn’t quite believe that Augie was ok after such a terrible fall. Well, they couldn’t quite believe a baby had even suffered such a fall. I’m genuinely surprised that I didn’t have DHS out investigating us for being negligent parents. Some people I have told have acted like it’s no big deal. I mentioned that to AJ and said how surprised I was by this and he said those people are just being nice and trying not to make you feel bad. Probably true.

It is hard to explain how it happened. I really don’t know what I was thinking to have spaced out and let him get near the stairs. Or why I didn’t have a stair gate on. I always watch him. In fact, I normally sit with him. That night he had woken up because he’s teething and I got him out of bed for a cuddle. I didn’t even think he could crawl that far. I guess I was wrong. I can’t talk much more about it because it’s too hard to put myself back in that place and remember what happened.

For what it’s worth, AJ and I were both in the room when it happened. We were equally to blame and both feel horrible. In one sense I think we are both relieved that we are both to blame, I’m not sure how we could have forgiven each other if just one of us was to blame.

I’ll never forgive myself. I’m trying not to indulge too much in the guilt and instead focus on being so, so, so grateful that my baby is ok. Grateful is an understatement. When I saw him fall I honestly did not think he would be ok. I feel like the luckiest person alive to have a healthy baby.

One of the hardest things to deal with is that it’s now impossible to trust myself. How did I let this happen and what could happen next? I thought I was a vigilant parent. Obviously not. I don’t know what else I could do to put him in danger. The fear is keeping me up at night.

It goes without saying that we are now going to move house. We have two sets of stairs in our house and they make me feel sick to look at them. I am desperately searching the real estate websites for a rental. Most places in our budget are either tiny apartments or (double storey) townhouses. That’s not going to work. So what to do? I’m not sure yet, but I want to find a solution as soon as possible. I’ll be so sad to leave our place after less than a year, but I just want a house that is safe for Augie and a fresh start.

This is where It happened. As you can see we now have a stair gate up, but it’s still not safe because my bloody skirt got caught while I was taking him downstairs. I fucking hate stairs!

We now also have a cage playpen. Even when I know the stair gates are closed I still can’t shake my fears and poor Augie is locked up. Luckily he loves it in there with his toys (for now).

7 Months Old

I’m doing this update on my phone because I never get a chance to get in front of the computer, so apologies if all the photos come out massive and weird! Anyone who actually reads these super long baby updates is doing a good job! 😘

Age: Augie is 7 months old now and has just been a bloody delight this month. He loves playing, singing, clapping hands and especially loves playing “where is Augie” when we put a blanket or pillow on him and say “where’s Augie” and then he pokes his head out. It is just so cute.

He also loves grabbing our faces (ouch) or stroking them while he has his bottle. He is always reaching out to feel you when you’re holding him or sitting behind him. I hope he’s going to stay a cuddly little boy. Well at least toward his mama.

He loves to shake his head “no” (but he doesn’t know what it means, he just thinks it’s fun). And he is such a wriggler now. It can be super hard to get his nappy on at the end of the day when he’s overtired and super wiggly.

He isn’t really crawling yet, but he does push ups, planks and downward dog all the time. He can move about pretty quick on his tummy, but hasn’t mastered proper crawling yet. He can still get from one side of the room to the other pretty quick. I better get some stair gates ASAP!

He had his 6 month vaccinations and did really well with them. He only cries for a second from the shock and then gets over it. We’ve had a break from teething symptoms this month too. He’s just been such a happy little boy.

Feeding:Β We are still working on solids, but he is doing pretty good now. We feed him solids twice a day and he tends to prefer the fruits and isn’t so keen on vegetables. I feel ya buddy! His favourite thing is to suck on meat, sorry for that gross visual. I’m not loving how messy this stage is… the food gets everywhere. I really need to bath him after each meal, but obviously I couldn’t be fucked doing that!

We are still doing 5 bottles a day, I’d like to cut that back to 4 bottles and increase his solids, but that will take time. Hopefully we’ll get there this month.

Sleeping routine:So last month was a nightmare and this month has been the complete opposite. As soon as he got out of leap 5 and hit 6 months, he just started sleeping like an angel.

He’s having a quick 30 minute nap at 9.00 am, then a longer 1.5 hour nap at about 11.30 am and then another 30 minute nap at about 3.30 pm. Then he goes to bed at 6.30 pm and sleeps solidly until 7.00 – 7.30 pm. Yay Augie!!!

The best thing for us was him learning to link sleep cycles and have a longer day nap. He has pretty much always only had 30 minute catnaps during the day so I’m loving that he’s having a long sleep and I can get shit done during the day.

In hindsight, I think that I wasn’t giving him the opportunity to self settle himself back to sleep. As soon as I heard him wake up and start playing in his cot I would think, oh he’s wide awake, he’s not going to get back to sleep so I better get him up. Then one day I heard him wake up on the baby monitor and I was busy (having a beer to be honest ha ha) so I let him play in the cot for 10 minutes because he’s really happy in there, then suddenly I looked at the monitor and he had gone back to sleep. Well there you go. Maybe I should have been doing that from that start! Now he just sleeps through and doesn’t even wake up.

Firsts: Augie had his first proper swim in a pool this month and he loved it! We took him swimming in the hotel pool on a little holiday we had this month. Then also to a pool in Sydney while his cousin had her swimming lessons. I was quite scared that he’d spew because he is still spitting up milk a bit. Lucky for us we had the hotel pool all to ourselves both days and he did have a little spit up once so we just splashed it away. Eeeek. I was so worried about grossing out the other guests who were trying to enjoy their break!

He loved swimming so much that I feel bad that I don’t take him more often. I signed him up for swimming lessons, but I cancelled before we even started because they were right when he has his morning nap. It’s a 30 minute walk to the pool and I could just see that he’d fall asleep in the pram on the way and then wouldn’t have his proper morning sleep. He’s just fallen into such a great sleep routine that I couldn’t bear to break it. So I think we’ll just take him to the pool casually for playing and start proper lessons next term.

Achievements: Self-settling. Woo hoo! I’m not sure if it just took Augie reaching 6 months and finding his groove or if I needed to give him more time to figure it out, but he suddenly can self-settle. I used to always need to rock him to sleep for every single nap and sometimes in took ages. My back was killing me!!!! At the start of this month he just started arching his back and basically saying “fuck off mum” when I was rocking him to sleep so I put him in his cot and he just rolled onto his side and hugged his bunny and went to sleep. He will still roll about for 5 or 10 minutes sometimes, but he’s not upset, just settling down. So he’ll pretty much always put himself to sleep now. This is the best!

Things we have learned:Going on holidays with a baby is an interesting experience… Before I went back to work, we road tripped along the coast from Melbourne to Sydney to visit my family. We stopped for a few days in Eden and Mollymook to relax by the beach and eat lots of fish and chips. What I didn’t think about though was what we would do when Augie went to sleep at 6.30 pm. I booked normal hotel rooms with portacots, so he was in the room with us when he went to sleep, which meant that we had to sit in a dark and quiet room all night. Next time I would try and book a hotel with a seperate lounge/kitchen area so that we can put Augie to sleep in the bedroom and still be able to enjoy our evening. Don’t get me wrong, we still had a few beers and ate take out after he went to sleep… we just did it very, very quietly and in a pretty dark room. Also, having a kitchen would have been very handy to wash and sterilise his bottles and prepare his food. I did not think that through very well.

But, we still had an amazing family getaway. I really look forward to more family beach holidays as Augie grows up. I also look forward to him being able to stay awake past 6.30 pm and eat in restaurants with us!!!

Appearance: He’s got more blonde hair coming through and his eyes are blue, but moving toward a bluey/grey colour like his dad. He’s always got a scratch on his face because I can’t control his little claws. Why is cutting a baby’s nails so hard???

Mummy update:Β Its been a weird month for me going back to work. It’s going to take me a while to adjust to leaving him all day and also to my new role at work. Because I’m only part time, it’s really quite limited what I can do at work and so I’ve had to take a major backseat. I’ve gone from managing the full digital program to just doing website admin. I can’t say that I am loving this new role because I now realise that I thrive in management positions and taking responsibility. I have to bite my tongue a lot!!! I guess this is why so many parents have trouble with balance. I can’t take on more responsibility at work, but then also be able to leave at 5.00 pm and work part time. It doesn’t work like that at my company anyway. So I end up feeling a bit useless at work and I also feel less needed at home too (pity party!). I still think I’ve made the right decision to go back to work, I just need to give it some more time to settle into this new role.

Work It Baby

Leaving for my first day back at work

Well I went back to work last week. I’ll just be doing two days a week to start with and I might do an extra day from home. Oh my god, it was sooooo hard. Even harder than I had anticipated.

The night before I pretty much didn’t sleep at all. I was still awake at 4.30 am and I had to get up at 6.30 am. I just felt so sad to be leaving him for a full day. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the day to day things that I would miss out on. I actually got weepy when I was showing AJ where his food bibs were and I pulled out a new one that I hadn’t used on Augie yet: “Oh, here’s a bib for tomorrow… I haven’t seen him in this one”. Sob. I don’t think I have cried once since becoming a Mum, I’m not much of a crier, so that shows you how hard this was for me.

I knew he would be perfectly fine because he was going to be with his dad. It just felt like the end of our happy little baby bubble and going back to the real world. I think I also felt like I wasn’t needed anymore. I can just leave for the day and he doesn’t need his mum (more sobbing).

Once I got to work I was OK. It was weird to be back in the office and I felt like I was living my old life pre-Augie. It was like being in a bizarro world. Unfortunately a lot has changed at work since I was there and barely anyone I used to work with is there anymore. It was like starting a whole new job. I really wish there were a few more familiar faces around.

I also felt like I wasn’t much use at work either. I have no idea what is going on anymore and the new team have there own groove, so I felt like I was in the way. There isn’t even space for me to sit with my team so I have been put around the corner on my own with all these empty desks and construction in a corridor where people walk through. Super depressing.

The hardest part is trying to get home in time to see Augie before he goes to bed. I only just make it in time to give him his bottle and put him to bed. I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes with him. That really isn’t OK with me.

I’ll just take it one day at a time and see how things unfold over the next few months. I’m sure it’ll get easier.