Downward Spiral

eating

Since losing my job last week, a huge focus for me has been on making sure I don’t spiral into a dark (and fat) place. It doesn’t take much for me to lose myself and wake up 20 kilos heavier, even when life is going well.

Almost every year I seem to go down a hole at some point and gain anywhere between 5 – 30 kilos. Sometimes it is sparked by a stressful time in my life, but sometimes it just seems to happen and I don’t realise until I none of my clothes fit me and I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I seem to be very good at living in denial.

I know that being unemployed could be a trigger for depression and anxiety for me as I am susceptible at the best of times. So right now I am really committed to focusing on my physical and mental health at this time when I know I might be vulnerable. I need to find a new job and I can only do that if I feel good about myself- mind, body and spirit.

One thing I can do for my physical and mental health is exercise. Who would have thought I would ever say that?

Prior to being made redundant from my job I hadn’t been to the gym in about a year. Let’s face it, the gym is just not a good time. It gets boring and people sweat everywhere and often lack basic manners. Now that I have a lot of spare time on my hands and energy to burn, I am back at the gym every day to try and get those happy endorphins.

I am lucky that my apartment building has a lovely gym and pool available for me to use for free and a great river trail just outside my front door. It also helps that I can exercise during the day and avoid the sweaty crowds. Plus, I really  don’t have much else to do with my day and it makes me feel like I have achieved something.

So I’ve got the exercise part covered, now I just need to turn my attention to stress/comfort/boredom eating… Oh but it is just so damn satisfying…

 

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Redundant

Mondays

It’s Sunday night and I would normally be working myself into a state of anxiety about the work week ahead. Except I am not doing that tonight because I was made redundant from my job last week. Oh boy.

Oh boy

I have never lost a job and it feels so weird. I am shocked, embarrassed, angry and scared all at once. Everyone tells you not to take it personally and that it was for the best, but it’s hard to see that in the moment. I take my career pretty seriously and I don’t have a whole heap of other things going on in my life.

stapler

But I have to admit that I also feel a huge sense of relief about it too. I didn’t actually like my job, so I am not going to miss it at all. I am just disappointed by how things worked out. Or didn’t work out…

Expressing

So right now I am going to turn off my normal Monday morning alarm and try and get some sleep. Hopefully better things are coming.

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