I got a lovely comment from a reader named Kate (š) last week which prompted me to write a little blog update. I wonder how many people still read or even write blogs? I know people always make fun of blogging, but I personally miss them so much. Iām such a nosey parker, I just loved the insight into other peoples lives.
Life with two small kids is still kicking my arse. I can tell you for sure that Iām not sure I was cut out for this parenting thing. I just havenāt been able to manage any sort of balance of work/life/kids/fun. Lucky I love those little munchkins so much!
Teddy (left) and August (right)
Iām not sure when I last blogged, but at the end of 2021 we moved back to Melbourne from the surf coast in Victoria and Iām so much happier here. I donāt think I realised how much I hated living there until we moved away. Itās a beautiful place but the small town vibe was not very inclusive. We really wanted our kids to grow up with more diversity around them and better access to the arts and all the great things that the city offers. What I donāt love is the housing costs and that we are squeezing into a tiny two bedroom townhouse with no yard. My dream would be to buy a little house in the next 12 months.
August started school in January and that has been really hard on him. Heās really struggling to attend every day and I need to stay with him for 1-2 hours until he settles. He has pretty major separation anxiety that started during lockdown and just keeps getting worse. He sees a psych and OT weekly and we are waiting for an autism assessment but the wait lists are so long right now. Heās been so brave navigating all these challenges, Iām so proud of him. He loves lego, Star Wars and martial arts and since starting g school he has started to enjoying writing and reading. He just lost his first tooth last night and is really growing up!
Teddy just turned 3 and is a little whirlwind. Honestly, 3 year olds are something elseā¦ But he makes me laugh so much every day with his little quirks. He just loves drawing and craft and play doh and his scooter. Heās obsessed with volcanoes and planets. August always hated craft and drawing so I am loving having a little friend to do craft with at home.
As for me, Iād love to get back into some paid work. I want to be there for my kids while they need me, but I am finding it challenging and I definitely need a break or some kind of balance. Plus the money would obviously be handy! Who can afford to have kids and live in the city and not work?! AJ is working two jobs to keep us going while August needs me more, but we are both exhausted.
I had no recent photos of myself so I just took this while I wait for August at the psychologist. š
Well our appointment is over so I better post this right away before I never get around to it. August has a curriculum day off school so itās time for the library for more Star Wars books and then a trip to the shops to play the arcade games to keep them busy as itās way too cold for the park today.
Is anyone out there? Iād love to hear how youāre going too. š
Well the year is almost half over and I havenāt blogged at all! Thank you Caragh for your comment checking in. š
I did write a post a few months ago, but it was just so negative that I couldnāt post it. I hate sounding like such a sad sack and I have this paranoia that if I complain about things that are not important than something really bad will actually happen and make me realise that I should have been grateful for what I had.
Life as a mum of two is bloody hard work. I feel like I am not cut out for this life. Itās just nonstop craziness from the second they wake until they (finally) go to bed. Then Teddy is still waking between 2-6 times a night so there is no break. I think the sleep deprivation just makes you feel like a different person. Lol, he woke as I typed that, I jinxed myself.
Aside from the sleeping, Teddy is a pretty easy kid. And the waking at night doesnāt bother me, I think itās perfectly normal for a baby and Iām happy to respond to what he needs. Itās just exhausting. August is almost 4 and heās an emotional kid and becoming a big brother has been hard on him. Itās only gotten harder as Teddy has become more mobile (heās almost 14 months now) and destroys all Augustās very important legos and trains tracks. I basically spend all day trying to keep them from upsetting each other and it makes me feel sad to see them not getting along. The guilt that one of them is constantly missing out on what they want or need keeps me awake at night.
A very rare moment of harmony
Currently Iām not working and I donāt have a job to go back to now that Teddy is getting older. I worked part time since August was 7 months old so I feel a bit lost and bored to be honest. I wake up and my big goals for the day are around doing a grocery shop or washing clothes. I am definitely spending too much money online shopping or taking the kids on outings just to stem the boredom. I havenāt been seriously looking for work though as we were planning to relocate soon and I didnāt want to settle Teddy into a childcare only to change it on him, but we are facing ongoing delays with the house build. By delays I mean we havenāt even started building!
I feel very much like a mum cliche who has completely lost herself. I never wanted to parent like this and I think it sets a bad example for my kids. I just donāt know how to find a way out of it when I have very limited support with the kids and Iām lacking the confidence to find meaningful employment. I just miss my old life and wearing nice clothes and make up and having time to myself and thinking about things other than the kids and the ability to get my eyebrows waxed without requiring a strategic plan.
I know it wonāt always be like this and one day the kids will sleep at night and dress themselves and feed themselves and bathe themselves and probably not want me around. I just wish I had a better balance so it was easier to enjoy these delicious little kiddos.
Well itās almost Christmas. My favourite time of the year! I get so excited (especially with the kids now), but I must admit that the closer to Christmas it gets, the more āmehā I feel about it.
There is so much stress associated with buying gifts, seeing family and friends, making Christmas magical for your kids and expectations that are hard to meet. I wanted to do everything āChristmas relatedā with joy this year, rather than obligation. I quickly realised that itās easier said than done. I have improved on past years though, so itās a work in progress.
Christmas is obviously a very lonely time for a lot of people. I feel very grateful to have my little family with me. But, it does shine a light on the people missing in our lives and itās hard. I can honestly say that missing people you love doesnāt get easier. And to top it off this year, my brother, sister-in-law and niece wonāt be able to visit because of covid border closures. I know a lot of people are dealing with this around the world and itās heartbreaking. Since the news came on Sunday that the borders (they are in Sydney and Iām in Vic) would close again Iāve felt more flat than I have all year. Its the final covid blow of the year. Itās been a hard year and I just really needed to see some friendly faces.
My last Christmas with my mum š Also, my sister in law always buys us all pjās for Xmas Eve and mine are always uncomfortably tight. š¤£
In other news, I turn 40 tomorrow. I really donāt have much to say about it. Iāve never been interested in birthdays or worried about getting older, so itās just another day for me. AJ has just ran out to the shops with August because heās realised he needs to hurry up and get me a present (not that I want anything really). We are having lunch at a nice winery, which is my favourite thing to do, so it should be lovely. I would have liked to use this big birthday as an excuse to treat myself with a nice trip, but obviously this year was not the right time for it. Maybe next year!
Anyone out there still reading this blog, I want to sincerely wish you a wonderful Christmas, whatever that looks like for you. If youāre doing it tough, Iām sorry and I hope the new year is better for you. š
And just like that Teddy is 6 months old. This strange year is flying by and it feels like a blur. Where I live we have come out of our second round of covid lockdown and things are slowly opening again. Iām taking Augie to a local kids museum on the weekend and his little mind will be blown because he asks every day if the museum is open yet. We are also going to see Santa, which of course will require a 1.5 metre social distancing so weāll need to sit away from him. As soon as I told Augie we were going to see Santa he said āand I can sit in his lap and give him a cuddle?ā. The shyest kid ever suddenly wants to cuddle Santa the one year he canāt… š
Iāve often heard parents say āmy kids are at good agesā, well now I get what they mean. I am loving who my kids are at these ages.
August is 3 and itās my favourite age for him (well tied with baby age because I love babies). Iāve heard nothing but warnings about 3 year olds, but heās been an absolute delight. He had a really tough period between the ages 2.5 – 3 so Iām hoping he got it out of his system then. I think most kids have tough ages and itās different for all of them. He would have daily meltdowns where he would just scream and cry about small things like getting out of the car or putting a top on. Even if I was offering something he wanted he was so emotional that he would still meltdown and was inconsolable. I was scared to take him anywhere because I had no control of him and I felt judged by other people. I strongly questioned if I needed to change my gentle parenting approach and have more discipline (and so did AJ!). Iām so happy heās through the other side of that rough period and he knows I will always be his safe place no matter how big his emotions get. I just love hanging out with him and even feel a bit sad when heās at daycare. At night heāll cuddle me and say āthanks for playing with me today mum, I love you so muchā. Donāt get me wrong, heās still a cheeky 3 year old, but just the right amount of cheeky.
Speaking of cheeky, he seems to be picking up some new things at childcare! He was trying to spit the other day and I asked him what he was doing and why. He told me that Max, Koa and Felipe (from school) do it. He keeps saying the word āgooā and seems to think itās a bad/funny word. Heās also learned what Paw Patrol is because a boy from school watches it and saw the merchandise at the shops and started begging for it (despite never having seen it). The good news is that the last few weeks things have improved at school. It was getting really tough to drop him off as he was so upset, but he seems to be enjoying himself now so I donāt care what bad habits he learns. Iām sure heāll teach the other kids a few anyway.
Oh and the play time is so much fun now! His imagination is out of control. We pretend play all day, every day… his bike is an ambulance that has a flat tire and needs to be towed, the street sign is on fire and we must put it out with our hose, the car is a garbage truck and itās bin day or the couch is a boat and there are sharks and dolphins in the water around us. We are also kitty cats and puppies all day and I must lick him like a cat or fetch balls like a puppy. His biggest obsessions are lego duplo and his train set. They are hours of entertainment every day. All the people have names and characters and we must build them hospitals and cafes or fire stations. Itās actually a lot of fun and I just love watching how his imagination grow.
And what is not to love about a 6 month old? They are squishy and full of giggles and snuggles. This last month has seen him start sleeping in his cot in his own room (š), sleep unswaddled, drop down to 2 naps (sometimes), teething and start solids. The unswaddling was actually very difficult and it took many weeks to get there. He loves to play with his face and would just wake himself up constantly. Like every few minutes. I used a transition sleeping bag, but it still took about 5 weeks to get him back to sleeping well. Whereas at the same age August didnāt care less and I just took his arms out of the swaddle. Babies are all so different. Teddy still wakes every 2 or 3 hours at night, but he just has a bottle and falls back to sleep immediately so itās no big deal. He still isnāt rolling and most babies roll by around 5 months so Iām debating taking him to the child health nurse. I find their advice quite old fashioned and unhelpful a lot of the time so perhaps Iād be better off going to a doctor. He loves his big brother and must reach out to touch him whenever he is near, which Augie finds hilarious (except when he pulls his hair).
Augie loves his little brother more and more every day. I honestly didnāt think heād enjoy being a big brother much, but he just loves him now. Heās constantly waiting for Teddy to wake up āis Teddy ready to play?ā. He is always asking when Teddy will be able to walk and I told him itāll be when he has his birthday, so he constantly asks if itās Teddyās birthday yet. One day in the park he watched a group of siblings play and then asked wistfully āwhen can Teddy go on the seesaw with me?ā. There isnāt anything in the world that makes me happier then watching those two cuddle and play.
Oh, and if anyone else finds these things interesting, here is a comparison of August and Teddy at 6 months of age. Teddy to the left, August on the right. I get mixed messages on whether people think they look alike. I think the different colouring (hair and eyes) throws people.
The highlight of my month was getting my hair done for the first time in over 6 months. It was my first time away from Teddy for a few hours, which felt both weird and surprisingly normal at the same time. Of course he didnāt even notice I was gone and slept most of the time.
Post haircut selfie!
Itās been a difficult year for everyone. We are lucky to be coming out of lockdown here as summer hits and get to spend Christmas with our families. Iām so grateful the state borders will be opening and my brother, sister in law and niece will be able to visit from Sydney. Itāll be Teddyās first Christmas and the first Christmas that August will really get into the spirit. So I have lots to look forward to right now. I must say that despite things looking up, I still feel quite flat. After such a strange year, and with so many people still suffering, itās hard to be happy.
I donāt know what part of me feels flat because of the pandemic and what part is just an exhausted parent. Or both. Sometimes I look at my washing and just canāt believe Iām going to be doing this much washing for the next 18 years. Or it gets to 4.00 pm and I realise I need to feed the kids… again. Iād happily live off eggs on toast or crumpets and find cooking meals such a drainer. Especially because August is such a fussy eater. Ah, I guess if those are my biggest complaints right now than I am doing well. š
Something Iāve thought a lot about lately is do I regret having kids?
It has made me feel ridiculously guilty to even ask myself the question. My kids are literally the lights of my life and I love them more than I thought I could love anything. But I just wish it wasnāt so hard.
I wish I knew how to be a parent and not lose every part of myself.
I wish I could get some sleep. I wish that I had time to shower every day. I wish I could finish a cup of tea. I wish my house wasnāt always being destroyed by kids. I wish I didnāt need a strategic plan to go to the shops. I wish I didnāt have to do washing every god damned day. I wish I could lay on my bed and read a book and be left alone. I wish I had the energy to put into my relationship. I wish that I was able to be a better friend. I wish I had a job out of the home that made me feel useful (and made me money!). I wish that I thought about things more interesting than how to get my kid to eat veggies. I wish that my greatest achievement of the day isnāt getting a kid to brush his teeth and hair. I wish I wasnāt so worried all the time that Iām fucking up my kids and being a horrible parent.
The silly thing is that I know many mums who do manage these things really well. So why canāt I? Iāve asked myself that a lot and the answer is that every parent and every kid is different. If August wasnāt so shy perhaps I could have put him in childcare and gone back to work properly. If I wasnāt such a worrier maybe I could leave the kids with other people more. If I had family support around I could probably go out on a date night or get my hair done with less drama. We can only do our best to parent the kids we have in our own way with the resources we have. Comparing myself to other mums doesnāt help. Though I find it almost impossible not to do it.
Ultimately Iāve come to the conclusion that I donāt regret having kids at all. I just regret that I donāt have balance in my life. I regret that I have no support system. I regret moving away from my friends network. I regret that my family lives so far away. I regret how much my relationship is suffering. I regret that Iām not as patient and selfless as I thought I was. I regret that Iām a ābusy mumā cliche. But I mostly regret that my mum isnāt here to help me.
Right now Iām in the thick of it. Toddler, new baby, pandemic, new house. Itās a lot. I will move through this stage and work toward finding the balance I want to have. Itās important to me and will only make me a better mum. And I will sleep again one day…
So what has been happening? Teddy is now 4 months old and August turned 3 at the end of July. We moved house. And we are in our second (Covid-19) lockdown. I canāt say that itās been the easiest few months. š³
Who moves house with a toddler and a newborn during a pandemic lockdown? I can honestly say that it was up there with the hardest things I have ever done in my life. AJ was working long hours so I did most of it myself while juggling the kids. Itās done now and we are pretty much unpacked. Iām not quite organised yet, but Iām just trying to do one thing a day. Today all I did was hang a clock, but it was something.
We are still living in Torquay, we just moved to a better location for us. I can now see the ocean from our balcony and I can walk everywhere I need to go with the kids (when Iām actually allowed to go anywhere again that is). We are so happy with the move and this house feels much more like āusā. Itās amazing what a difference itās made to my mental health to be in a space filled with light, to see trees, ocean and hear birds singing around me.
Parenting a newborn and a toddler is not for the faint hearted. I donāt know how parents of 3+ kids survive. In saying that, I expected it to be really hard so Iām not exactly shocked. Iāve always watched parents with two or more kids at the doctors or the supermarket and thought it looked like a nightmare, and I was pretty much right. š¤£
Itās both physical and emotional challenge. Iām lucky if I get more than 4 hours of broken sleep a night because both August and Teddy are waking throughout the night. The guilt is constant. The sad reality is that I canāt be there 100% for both kids at the same time and someone is always missing out.
The other day August escaped out the front door while I was settling Teddy. I came downstairs after putting Teddy down to nap and couldnāt find him, then I saw the toys he was playing with sitting by the open front door. I almost passed out with fear. I ran out yelling his name and then saw him playing in the car in the driveway. Thank god I had parked the car in the driveway and not the garage that day which distracted him from heading out on the busy road or for a walk to god knows where.
August has had a tough year so far. He doesnāt understand why we canāt go to the playground or pool or museum or zoo or anywhere basically. Heās not overly keen on being a big brother. He doesnāt really enjoy daycare. He canāt see his grandparents. His favourite person in the world (his dad) has been so busy at work that he doesnāt have time to play. His mum is always holding or feeding a new baby. It breaks my heart seeing him sad. This is such a fun age where heās growing out of toddlerhood and really understanding the world around him. I so wish we could be out and about in the world discovering and learning together. Hopefully we can again soon.
Teddy is my little ray of sunshine. He is just the sweetest child. He rarely ever fusses or demands attention. He just sits back and smiles. Even right now while heās in the four month sleep regression and just had his vaccinations, heās still a delight. I feel bad for him that his arrival into this world has been at such an unhappy time. There are no visits from friends or family due to Covid-19, everyone is preoccupied with their own misery, his brother is not thrilled by his arrival and his dad is working 18 hour days and not able to dote on him. Itās lucky that I am loving on him enough to make up for all that heās missing out on.
Iāve fallen asleep three times while writing this so I think itās time I give up. Life is messy and a bit hard right now, but Iām grateful for all that I have. š
I know every parent says it, but time is flying. My little Teddy is already 7 weeks old. Where has the time gone? I certainly wasnāt sleeping that is for damn sure… LOL.
I hear a lot of second time mums say that they can relax more and enjoy their second babies as they were too stressed to enjoy their first babies. I feel the opposite and that time is slipping through my fingers and I donāt have the chance to soak him in. Augie takes up so much of my attention that I donāt get a chance to just sit and cuddle and stare at him as much as I wish I could.
Augie went back to childcare after a couple of months break during carona virus, but promptly caught about 3 different colds and viruses, so heās been home infecting the rest of us (including poor Teddy). Heās gone back now part time, but itās been a rough reintroduction. He tells me he waits by the doors at school because he misses mummy. Oh bloody hell, break my heart a little bit more. Weāll keep trying, but if itās still tough after a few months I will need to re-evaluate. š„
Teddy is an absolute delight. The sweetest baby in the world. I am so lucky. He just drinks his milk, cuddles and sleeps. He is a dreamboat. Iām so grateful because I couldnāt handle much else right now. I know itās early days and thatās what newborns do, but Iām still thankful. Heās the sweet brown haired, brown eyed baby I always pictured having. Heās fit into our family so well, I donāt know what weād do without him.
Life has been particularly crazy here because AJ sold his business right when Teddy was born. Great timing! Heās been working 18 hour days trying to get it ready for handover soon. Heās barely had a chance to hold Teddy and Augie is missing him desperately. Itās been really hard for everyone, hopefully things will get easier soon. We are all a bit sleep deprived and cranky in our house right now.
The big question, how has Augie adjusted to being a big brother? So far, so good. He has taken it in his stride and not been too fussed. He does sometimes ask me to put Teddy on his mat and pick him up instead, but that seems fair enough as he was used to getting 100% of my attention. When Teddy wakes from a sleep he always comes over, strokes his face and says āItās Teddy! Heās a baby. Heās so softā. Augie seems to genuinely like him and will sometimes read him books or try to share his food or comfort him if heās upset. I wouldnāt say heās obsessed with him or anything though, letās face it, babies are a bit boring for toddlers. I do anticipate it might get harder as Teddy sleeps less and needs more from me during the day. Weāll see how it goes.
On Saturday 2nd May we welcomed our beautiful little boy into the world. Meet Teddy Juniper Juergens. It was love at first sight. He is the dark haired, dark eyed baby I always thought I would have. š
For those that like to know the stats, he was 50 cm (19.6 inches) long and weighed 2.955 kilos (6.6 lbs) at birth.
We are all happy and healthy and the birth went really well. Itās been a great experience. I think being a second time parent is just so much easier as you know what to expect.
Augie has been a wonderful big brother and gives Teddy gentle kisses and cuddles all day. He likes to stroke his face and say āitās a babyā and āheās so softā. Heās not hugely interested though, which is a blessing because he doesnāt get himself too involved and in the way. Teddy sleeps most of the time so itās really not that exciting for Augie. Me on the other hand, I could stare at that sweet sleeping face 24/7.
We took a while to name him because I was not kidding when I said boy names are hard! Teddy was the only name I liked and Juniper was a name I loved but I wanted a middle name that meant something to us. So in the hospital, after Iād had him, I googled Juniper and found out that the name Jennifer is thought to be derived from Juniper. Jennifer was my mums name so it felt serendipitous because I really wanted a way to name him after her. I named August because my mum was born in August, so itās lovely I could connect both boys to my mum who sadly they will never meet.
Iāll be back with all the details soon.
If you want more baby spam, feel free to follow my Instagram. The link is on my blog sidebar. š„°
A soon to be first time mum left a comment asking what I packed in my hospital bag after my last post. I thought it would be easier to post the answer here with some pictures. Let me know if you think that Iāve forgotten anything!
I used the baby bag I had with August, so itās 3 years old now. Itās from Mimco and they normally have a couple of nice baby bags. Itās a bit expensive, I probably wouldnāt spend that much on myself, but I was lucky enough to get it as a gift. This style of bag works well when you just have one kid and it fits in the pram or car, itās maybe harder if you are juggling multiple kids. I may change this up in future depending on how I transport the baby (not sure if Iāll have the baby in the pram or on my chest when we are out and about). I have a backpack that I currently use for Augie, but itās actually difficult having to put him down (and hope he doesnāt run away) to get the bag off my back every time I need my phone or wallet.
So this is what I have packed so far for the hospital…
6 x muslin wraps
1 x Terry towel cloth (cloth nappy for spills and spit ups)
6 x singlets
1 x 00000 onesie (premie size)
6 x 0000 onesies (newborn size)
3 x hats
3 x mittens
3 x socks
2 x newborn dummies (pacifiers)
When Augie was born I was really unprepared. He wasnāt regulating his temperature well and the midwife asked me to put a beanie, mittens and socks on him and I didnāt have any. My sister in law raced home and brought some back to the hospital for me that she had bought because I didnāt even know to buy any!
Another big thing I didnāt know to bring was a dummy (pacifier). I know some people are against this, but I have now learned that some babies just need a dummy. Every midwife and nurse suggested that I give him one as he really needed to suck. He was so much more settled once he had a dummy. Augie is almost 3 now and still uses a dummy for sleep, I have no problem with this, heāll get rid of it when he is ready.
My hospital supplies all the nappies and wipes so I havenāt packed those. Also, if formula is needed, the hospital will supply that too.
And this is what I have packed for me. Iāll be using a small bag with wheels because I may struggle to lift anything heavy, itās not certain if AJ can be at the hospital and nursing staff are often not able to assist.
Pack of breast pads (for milk leaking)
Hydrogel breast discs for sore nipples
Lansinoh (for sore cracked nipples)
Vaseline lip gloss (for dry lips)
2 x packs of maternity pads
The lansinoh and hydrogel were two things I didnāt know Iād need last time. I canāt remember who suggested them, but AJ bought me some to the hospital and they were a godsend. Even after 24 hours of trying to breast feed my nipples were literally bleeding (sorry to scare anyone).
Not pictured (because I havenāt packed them yet) are button down pyjamas, nursing bras, nursing tops, leggings, slippers, comfy black underwear, toiletries (including dry shampoo) and a phone charger. I didnāt pack normal clothes last time as I thought Iād just wear pyjamas, but then I ended up feeling silly because all the other mums at the hospital were wearing normal clothes.
Snacks!!!! I didnāt actually eat for the 24 hours I was labouring with Augie, but then I was all about the late night sugar hit for the rest of the time that I was in hospital. Iām also optimistically packing a face mask and my kindle. Iāll be at the hospital on my own most of the time (and the baby of course) so maybe Iāll get a chance to relax a little?
Some of the other big things Iāve purchased for this baby are below in case anyone is interested. There are so many options on the market, itās quite overwhelming, I end up just picking something that seems ok-ish because I donāt have the time to do a lot of research.
We still use white noise for Augieās room. I just have an app on an old iPhone, but this time I thought Iād try a proper machine so Iāve purchased the Oricom Soothing Sound Machine. My criteria was that it needed a plug (not battery operated because that would get expensive), a night light and also that is would stay on all night (and not switch off after 45 mins). So this fit the bill.
I also bought the baby a Boori white bassinet. I had a different bassinet for Augie that I bought on the way home from the hospital after having him. Iād thought Iād put him straight into a cot, but after having him, realised I wanted him in a bassinet next to my bed. So I had limited options and the one I bought was a co-sleeper (attaches to the bed with the side down) but I never used it to co-sleep. It was a pain because it didnāt have wheels and I found that I really needed wheels.
While Iām talking about purchases, I bought AJ a little ādad presentā. I bought these matching pyjamas from Peter Alexander for AJ, Augie and the baby. The joke is that AJ finds the term āpapa bearā embarrassing so heāll find these funny. Plus they are super cute!
I also got him his favourite biscuits (those hazelnut ones are so amazing) and a Peppa Pig book called āI Love You Daddy Pigā. Once again, the book is a bit of a joke because Augie loves Peppa Pig and we canāt stand that show. It really is the worst show for kids and we are trying to get him to watch Bluey instead but he just loves it. š
So Iām feeling somewhat organised, but a heap of my online shopping hasnāt arrived yet and I really want it to get here this week so I can be all set up before baby comes.
Iām now officially full term and baby could arrive at any time. I really wasnāt organised at all, but since the Easter long weekend Iāve gone crazy getting everything set up and washed and ready. Over the past two weeks Iāve done an extraordinary amount of online shopping because I obviously canāt go to the shops. Iāve had to buy every small thing online: bibs, dummies, nappy bags, nappy cream, maternity pads, nipple cream, clothes for the baby, sound machine for white noise, presents for Augie, bassinet sheets etc etc etc. The amount of money Iāve spent on postage is extreme. Letās hope it gets here on time now because I know there are a lot of delays with the mail right now. Itās not looking good though.
Iām lucky that literally two days before isolation started I went to Baby Bunting and bought a bassinet, car seat and a baby monitor. I had a bassinet from Augie, but I didnāt like it and wanted one with wheels this time. I am re-using most things from Augie for this baby, but Iām a little sad I canāt go to the shops and browse for some special new things for this baby. Hopefully we can soon.
Iāve been seeing my Obstetrician weekly now and itās all going smoothly. Baby is measuring perfectly well, which is a relief for a gestational diabetes baby. He did say today to be careful to stay vigilant in these final weeks/days with my sugars to lower the risk of baby needing the special care nursery after birth. He must have sensed I was ready to drop the ball a little. āŗļø Iāve noticed my sugars are getting harder and harder to keep down (I was told this would happen), which means Iām needing to really cut carbs to ensure I donāt go over the limit they have set me for my blood sugar readings. I donāt feel like eating vegetables at all and cannot be fucked cooking them either. But, itās only a couple more weeks.
This means that I better actually pack my hospital bag properly because I wonāt be able to ask anyone to bring me anything. Shit! I better pack enough chocolate.
Iām actually quite ready to have this baby. Iāve found the last few weeks of pregnancy very uncomfortable. Itās been hard to say the least to keep up with a toddler 24/7 with minimal breaks. Especially a toddler who still doesnāt want to sleep. I still sit up with him for hours every night and wonder how in the world Iāll cope with this while I have a newborn. I guess we will find our way as we donāt have any other choice.
AJ joked that heāll feel the impact of the baby most of all because I quite literally couldnāt do anymore as Iām on the go about 20 hours out of every day so heāll be the one doing the extra work. Hopefully! This is just because AJās work is very busy and he really hasnāt been able to do much to help, as much as I know heād like to. My dad has been asking to come down and help, but obviously with carona virus and a baby on the way we are all taking isolation seriously.
I think AJ is feeling a bit down about the impending change in our lives with the arrival of this baby. I understand how he feels too. Having a baby is hard work and it feels like life will be put on pause for the next couple of years. Plus I know that I dive head first into being a mum and havenāt managed to be the chilled out or balanced mum I thought Iād be, so he probably feels like heāll lose me again as well. And heās right. Hopefully this time Iāll be more relaxed? I donāt want to lose myself either.
One thing Iām looking forward to is wearing jeans again after this baby is born (well hopefully anyway). Iāve had the worst maternity wardrobe as it just didnāt seem worthwhile spending money on, especially once isolation hit.
I donāt love harping one about weight as Iāve done a lot of work to remove this as a focus in my life, but I have occasionally been weighing myself this pregnancy just out of curiosity. I started this pregnancy higher in weight than I usually am. I actually havenāt weighed myself in years, but I could feel it. Then I gained a heap of weight at the start of pregnancy because I could only stomach bread and potatoes for months. After Christmas I started feeling better and was able to eat much healthier and then in February I got my gestational diabetes diagnosis and this really pushed me to eat super well.
6 weeks: 86.6 kilos (190.5 lbs)
26 weeks: 96 kilos (211.2 lbs)
38 weeks: 96.2 kilos (211.6 lbs)
Yep, that shows no gain in the last 12 weeks, but thatās not unusual with gestational diabetes when you are already overweight. So Iām sitting at about a 10 kilo gain (so far) this pregnancy, which is what my Obstetrician suggested would be healthy for me. Iām really pleased I was able to adhere to this as I didnāt want to gain a stack of weight and risk complications in pregnancy or birth. Especially at my age!
I looked back on my blog from my pregnancy with August and see that I gained 13.3 kilos (29.2 lbs) with him and finished pregnancy at 93.3 kilos (205.2 lbs). So itās been pretty similar, which is funny because I feel sooo much bigger this time!
you would be pretty if... 