A 2.5 Year Old & a 24 Week Old

So I’m 24 weeks pregnant and I must say that I’ve had a rough week. Augie has been having major sleep issues since the end of November and it’s killing me. He wakes up around 1.00 am and won’t go back to sleep until between 3.00 – 5.00 am. He’s perfectly happy, he just wants to cuddle and play. I’m grateful that he’s not upset, but the sleep deprivation is very hard right now. It’s not every night, but it’s probably around 4-5 nights out of 7. I just keep repeating to myself, it is just a phase. 🥺

Speaking of phases (well I hope it’s a phase) ever since we got back from 2 weeks away over Christmas, Augie has been a handful. He was so great while we were away and driving thousands of kms and sleeping on couches of family, so when we got back I expected a bit of an outburst, but it’s been over 2 weeks of mischievous behaviour now. He is just into everything! He gets in the bathroom cupboards and squeezes out all our creams, he pulls everything out of every cupboard and bangs shit on the walls and he throws food on the floor. I took him to the library and he escaped through the fire escape door, pushed books off the shelves, tried to use all the computers and kept spinning all the DVD racks. If I ask him to stop doing something (like jumping on plants), he laughs and does it over and over and thinks it’s hilarious. It’s testing my patience big time (especially while sleep deprived) and making me question why I’m about to have another child. 😳

When he’s like this (not sleeping and being cheeky) it normally means he’s in a developmental stage. I can already see changes in the way he plays and thinks that are all new. He uses his imagination now in play, the other day he put balls on the floor in a circle and pretended it was a fan and turned the fan on and off. He’s building actual things with blocks, instead of just building towers and knocking them down and he’s suddenly loving playing with other kids. He approaches kids in the playground and tries to join in with them or follows them around. It’s been such a shock to see the way he’s craving interaction with kids and he asks every day if it’s dance or playgroup, but unfortunately it’s still school holidays here and almost every program is on break. He seems to particularly like to follow around older girls. My friend has a 4 year old daughter and he adores her and she manages to tolerate him getting in her way. Yesterday at the park some older teenage girls were laying on the ground sunning their tummies so he lay next to them and pulled up his top too.

Oh and I finally told him about the baby and I had no faith he’d understand it at all and this is what he said:

“Augie have a friend?” And then a moment later, “Augie give baby cuddles”.

Then a few days later we were at my friend’s house for a play date and she is also pregnant so I told him that Amanda was also having a baby and he says “Augie have another friend”. 💗

Now there has been some confusion this week because he saw the Easter eggs at the supermarket and I told him about Easter Bunny. Now he’s obsessed. Every day he says:

“Easter bunny bring the eggs,

First we find them,

Mummy help find them and daddy help find them,

Then we open them,

Then we eat them,

Mummy get an egg, daddy get an egg, Augie get an egg, baby get an egg,

We have to wait, long time away”

But he’s confused the baby and Easter bunny slightly and now when I mention the baby he says “baby come out and bring an egg”. So I’m thinking this baby might need to bring August a kinder surprise egg. ☺️

My pregnancy continues to be uneventful, which is fantastic, it’s the best way for it to be! I have an appointment with my obstetrician tomorrow and I plan to ask if there is anything I can take to help with energy levels. I’m guessing there isn’t much I can do to help, it’s just life being pregnant with a busy toddler who isn’t sleeping. 😩

I’m finding that being pregnant makes me miss my mum so much more again. I felt like this last time and it’s even worse this time because I wish mum was here to help with August while I’m so tired. I know it’s not the case for every woman, but there is just no one like your mum who can sweep in and know just how to support you (and perhaps annoy you 🤪).

I have two brothers and my dad, one brother is estranged from our family and the other brother lives 10 hours away. My dad lives 4 hours away, but he’s really busy with work and looking after his property in the country. We all get along well and share photos and messages about the kids, but it’s not the same as a phone call or visit from your mum. I don’t want to be sexist, but men are often not great communicators or strongly focussed on family connection. If I didn’t go visit then, I would barely see them. Anyway, this is not to attack them, just to say I miss my mum.

This is why I really wanted a daughter. It’s nothing to do with the first 18 years of the child’s life, it’s more about wanting to maintain a strong connection when they grow up and leave home. I want that classic, “my mum/daughter is my best friend” type relationship. It’s not to say you can’t have that with boys, and I will certainly try (I tell Augie all the time that he’s my best friend), but it can be a bit harder.

Anyway, we don’t know the gender of this baby yet and we probably won’t find out. I can’t deny that I really would like a little girl, but I wouldn’t have tried to have another baby if I wasn’t going to be happy with another boy too. If he’s anything like Augie, I’d be a happy mum.

Pregnancy So Far: 23 Weeks

So I wanted to give a quick recap of my pregnancy so far. As of today, I am 23 weeks pregnant and I feel every week/day/minute of it! But first, back to the start of this whole thing.

We started trying for baby number two pretty much as soon as August was born in July 2017. I was already 37 years old and didn’t want to leave it too long. As scary as it would have been to get pregnant so soon after August was born, I was open to the idea and we were technically trying. Given that August was born with the assistance of fertility drugs and took about 2.5 years, I assumed it would take a while, which is why I wanted to get moving.

Unbelievably, we fell pregnant naturally in 2018, but lost the baby at 10 weeks at the end of November. It was then I decided to finally consult a local fertility specialist and we went through all the tests etc again. Things looked positive for us, my only issue being that I don’t naturally ovulate, which can be fixed with fertility meds. Last time I was put on clomid and that worked in about 6 months. This time the new doctor put me on femara and said he was positive it would work in 3 months (he had me on a high dose)!

This actually freaked me out and I realised I needed to take some time out to physically recover from my recent pregnancy and miscarriage and my body wasn’t ready to be pregnant right away again. Maybe my mind wasn’t ready either.

By the middle of 2019 I was feeling ready to give it another try. And what do you know, that doctor was right and on my second round of using femara I was pregnant again. Holy shit!

I knew I was pregnant before I even took the test from the crippling insomnia I had again. I was literally awake from about 2 or 3 in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. Perfect for laying awake and panicking about managing a new baby and a toddler!

The morning sickness hit at about 6 weeks and lasted till 18 weeks. It was the worst. I didn’t actually throw up, I just felt nauseous 24/7. I had to eat carbs every couple of hours to help the nausea. I was making crumpets and sandwiches at 2 am, drinking so much sugary soft drink and juice and living off potatoes in its various forms (scallop potatoes being my favourite).

Morning sickness, with a cold and a baby with a virus. A hell week!

As you can imagine I’ve gained a lot of weight from eating that way and I really feel like shit about it. I feel terrible in my body and I feel terrible for not doing better by this baby inside me. I was so careful during my pregnancy with August and I really dropped the ball this time. I’m doing better now and I hope it makes a difference for me and bub!

This pregnancy has felt way harder than my last pregnancy, but maybe that’s because I have a toddler now and I’ve also just turned 39 years old. I think my job probably distracted me from how I felt in my last pregnancy, but the days at home are long with a toddler and much more physically challenging.

I’ve also noticed that my hair, skin and nails are all terrible and with Augie they were strong and healthy. But this may be from my terrible diet and lack of sleep.

Case in point: tired and feeling like shit

In terms of cravings, this pregnancy has felt incredibly similar to my pregnancy with Augie. The same food aversions (eggs, mints, coffee, diet soft drinks, veggies), the same cravings (crumpets, mandarins, green apples, sugar, potatoes). Does this mean it’s another boy???

I didn’t tell August I was pregnant because I didn’t want him saying anything to anyone and because I knew he wouldn’t really understand it. He did become great at mimicking me dry retching and he knows that mum has a sore tummy. We’d go to the park and he’d say “mum no swing, mum sore tummy”. The funniest thing was how quickly he picked up on my bladder issues. Whenever we go anywhere he says “first mummy toilet”.

And here I am, 23 weeks pregnant. The nausea is pretty much gone, but food aversions remain. The heartburn has replaced the nausea, but I can live with that. My exhaustion is next level, but August has been sleeping very badly and I’m completely wiped out. I am so grateful that he goes to bed at 6.30 pm now and I get a precious few hours to myself to relax (until he wakes between 1-4 am to play 🤪). It means the world to me!

But really, the most important thing to say is that I’ve had no issues with this pregnancy and bubs is healthy and thriving. I feel very lucky and I intend to make every effort to look after myself and make sure this bub has a great start to life.

Not impressed with my mocktail

Baby, Baby…

It was my birthday just before Christmas and as we travelled from Melbourne to Sydney we stopped in Canberra for a few days to explore. On the morning of my birthday, I woke up in the big hotel bed with Augie sleeping in between AJ and I and he crawled up to me, touched my face gently and said “beautiful mum”. Ahhhh, it was so sweet.

So, all this is to say that I’ve just loved being a mum to this little boy. Of course I’ve found elements of it incredibly challenging, but it’s always worthwhile. I always thought I’d only want to have one kid. It would be easier to travel, go out for dinner, we’d be more financially secure and it would just be easier. But when Augie was about 12 hours old I knew I wanted another baby. In fact, if I was younger, I’d probably want about 5 kids.

So now I’m excited to announce we are expecting another baby. I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant and due in May. I don’t know the gender yet and we won’t find out until bub is born. All is going well, except awful morning sickness that lasted until the 18 week mark. I’m so relieved to be past that now and to be honest, I had some serious regrets during that 18 weeks while I was dealing with all day/night sickness and a toddler. Holy shit. 😳

I have all the fears around having a second bub. How will August cope? How will I cope? How much god damn washing will there be? Will I ever sleep again? How could I love this bub as much as August? How will I manage being away from August while I’m in the hospital? How will I ever get out of the house with 2 kids?

But, I do think it’ll be amazing for Augie to become a big brother. He loves babies and he is so gentle. I think once he adjusts, he’ll love having a new bub to kiss and cuddle. It just absolutely breaks my heart that I won’t be able to be there 100% for Augie anymore, but I do hope he gets amazing benefits from having a sibling. I think this bub will complete our little family perfectly.

I’d been waiting until I had the big morphology scan that’s normally at 20 weeks to tell people, but my scan wasn’t until 22 weeks due to Christmas. We still haven’t told many people (including close family) so if you know me in real life or social media please don’t say anything yet. 🤫

My big baby and my little baby. ❤️❤️