4 Months Old

Age: 4 months old. WOW! The changes he has undergone in the last month have been amazing! I feel like he has moved from a newborn to a bouncing baby now. He’s strong, giggly, curious, playful and smart (well, as smart as a baby can be…). As much as I miss my newborn bub, I have to say that a 4 month old is pretty cute. They are so interactive and give you so much back.

Sorry about all of the photos. I just can’t help myself.

Feeding: This has been pretty consistent, he has 5 bottles a day of between 150-180 mls. I still breastfeed him in the mornings, but he doesn’t get much from it. I just do it because I enjoy the time with him. I stopped taking my breastfeeding tablets and I completely ran out of milk, so I got some more to keep me going because I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet.

Sleeping routine: There has been so much change with sleeping this month, it’s hard to make one consistent comment. It can change every week. But, he is still sleeping through the night about 11 hours straight (touch wood) so I can’t complain. Apparently a 4 month sleep regression is coming though… so I won’t hold my breathe!

At the start of the month we had a really rough period where for 3 nights straight he just screamed at bedtime for hours. It was the most sickening and horrible thing to go through. We even ended up taking him for a drive to calm him down. Then it just suddenly stopped. It was when he was starting leap 4, so I can only put it down to that development period.

He still really fights sleep and it gets harder to get him to sleep as the day goes on. I worry that I am letting him get over-tired, but I do try to get him down as soon as I see his sleep cues. We still follow the feed – play – sleep routine, which is something that came about just from following his lead. The only issue is that he generally only sleeps for one sleep cycle (35 minutes) and I’m not good at getting him back to sleep. It rarely happens.

I’ve thought about going to sleep school because it’s covered in my health insurance. I’ve had it recommended to me by a few parents, but I am a little unsure. It’s a 5 night residence for me and bub at a sleep school so it would be hard for AJ to have us both gone (and me too because I am a big homebody). It seems a bit extreme because he really isn’t a terrible sleeper. But I know that he should be sleeping more during the day and also not so fussy in the evenings and if I can help him sleep better I want to give him that opportunity. What to do?

Firsts:

• We get full on giggles now. He loves it when we kiss his face, tickle his neck or blow raspberries on his tummy. Or any playtime with dad is hilarious. Baby giggles are the best, way better than any drug I have ever taken!
• He rolled for the first time a week and a half ago. I was doing tummy time with him and he rolled from his tummy to his side and then from his side to his back. He’s only done it once more since, so I don’t think it’s a regular trick just yet.
• He learned how to squeal last week. He loves testing his voice out and squawking and squealing. That is going to be fun…
• He has quite a wiggle on now. When I leave him on his play mat he will wiggle himself around. It is making nappy changes a bit harder as he thrashes about and wiggles. He still loves being on his change mat, he just wants to play!
• His hands are constantly in his mouth. I don’t think he’s teething yet, it’s just a developmental thing.
• He loves to put any blanket or toy over his face (not very safe!). It seems to soothe him when he is trying to go to sleep though, so I just creep and watch him and then take the toy away when he is asleep.
• We started Rhyme Time at the local library and he seems to love the singing and watching the other babies. His favourite song is incy wincy spider.

Achievements: We had our first night away with him and also our first night away from him. They were two separate events obviously!

Firstly, we went to my dad’s for the night to celebrate my niece’s 1st birthday. It was a bit of a disaster because he was out of sorts and upset all day/night. I think it was just too much for him with so many people in his face and wanting to hold him. Such an exhausting night, but we made it through. I get so stressed when he plays up when we aren’t at home. He’s so easy at home and it makes it hard to be bothered leaving the house sometimes.

We also had a night out and my dad and step mum came to babysit. We went to my friend’s place to celebrate the purchase of her lovely new home. It didn’t feel too weird to be away from him, in fact I can really see why it’s so important because normally all I think and talk about is the baby, so I need more happening in my life. I am turning to mush! I should not have drunk so much though because I did not appreciate looking after a baby with a hangover the next day. Big mistake.

Things we have learned: We were a bit slack with tummy time because he seemed to hate it. Plus, he’s a spewy baby and putting him on his tummy was a recipe for disaster. Then I was at mother’s group one day and all the bubs were playing on their tummies and I was like… oh shit, I’m such a bad mum, my baby can’t play on his tummy. So from then on I started doing tummy time and within just a few days he was absolutely fine. It’s still not his favourite thing to do, but I can plonk him in front of the mirror on his tummy and he’ll happily stare at himself. Plus he always sits on our lap or over our shoulder and supports his own head, so I think he built up strength that way, rather than smooshing his face on the floor.

Appearance: Well, I am biased, but he’s a bloody little cutie. He’s so chubby and kissable with all the rolls of fat on his arms and legs. I can’t get enough of him. Half of people we know say that he looks like me and the other half say he looks like AJ. I think he might have some of both of our features, but his facial expressions are often like AJ’s. Especially when he screws up his face.

His eyes are still quite blue, but I feel like I see specks of other colour coming through and I wonder if he’ll have the grey/green eyes the same as his dad. He is still pretty bald, but the hair he has is a mix of dark and light. Who knows where that will go.

He was weighed and measured when he was exactly 4 months and was 7 kilos and 64 cm which puts him at exactly the 50th percentile for weight and 52nd for length. Not bad for a little boy who was in the 7th percentile for weight for a while!

Mummy update: Since the weather has warmed up here I have been feeling a bit shit about myself. Just wearing less clothes means that I am constantly seeing my lumps, bumps and rolls and it really brings me down a bit. I actually requested that our builder make our wardrobe doors NOT mirrored because I don’t like having to see myself all of the time, but of course he didn’t listen and now I get to see myself sitting on the bed side on… always a flattering look.

I weighed myself and I bloody gained a kilo this month. Fuuuuuuck! I was so frustrated because I was actually trying to lose weight. I was eating healthy and making an effort to go on walks and I run up and down the stairs in my house about 50 times a day. I really thought I would be down at least 1 kilo.

I guess when I think about it, I am still eating like I am pregnant. I eat very healthy, but I am just eating too much. I was just grabbing a handful of almonds when I was peckish, eating lots of fruit for snacks, having brown rice with dinner, occasionally even eating potatoes or pasta and I was eating dark chocolate for dessert every single night. I have to remember that my body doesn’t lose weight unless I stick to strict no carbs and eat no more than 1200 calories a day. So I’ve gone cold turkey on the dark chocolate and cut all snacks and cutting down carbs (not completely yet).

I’m trying not to be a sook about it and remember that the only thing that matters is that me and my family are happy and healthy. A few extra kilos is not the end of the world. Some days are easier than others!

Pre-baby weight: 80 kilos (176 lbs)
40 Weeks pregnant weight: 93.3 kilos (205.2 lbs)
Previous weight: 84.6 kilos (186.1 lbs)
Current weight: 85.7 (188.5 lbs)
Goal weight: 75 kilos (165 lbs)

That Time of Year

I’ve been having one of those weeks where I really miss having my mum around. I think the influx of Christmas does it to me. Christmas was  BIG DEAL for my mum. I remember her last Christmas so vividly and it feels like yesterday that we were at the shops every day planning the perfect (last) Christmas.

I took Augie to the shops last Friday and we sat in the outdoor eating area so I could give him a bottle. It was quite nice just the two of us in the sunshine and there was a musician playing songs. A lady sat near us with her mum and a baby the same age as Augie and it just made me so, so sad.

This would have been exactly the sort of thing my mum and I would have been doing together. Nothing special, just a trip to Kmart for some Christmas things and then some groceries from Coles. An extra pair of hands to help with Augie and plan the Christmas festivities.

I watched the mother and daughter and wondered if they knew how lucky they were. But then I realised that someone who desperately wants a baby could be watching me with Augie and wonder if I know how lucky I am. I try to be grateful for what I have, but it doesn’t cancel out the loss.

I silently willed the musician to play a song that would show me that my mum was there with us. He played Stairway to Heaven. It wasn’t a special song to us, but I tried to find some meaning in it anyway.

But, at least it is hard to stay sad for too long with this cheeky little monkey beside me as type.

0-3 Months: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

It’s been 3 months now with this little delight in our lives. I am surprised at how much I am loving being a mum, but it hasn’t all been sunshine and roses…

THE GOOD

Smiles and laughter: It lights me up inside when I see him smile or laugh. Like there is just no way I could ever be sad when he smiles or laughs. It’s everything.

Playtime: It’s so much fun to play with him. Singing, dancing, reading and just pulling faces are all so much fun.

Holding onto you: He’s always loved to hold your fingers or hair and snuggle in. It’s the best.

Sleeping: Watching him sleep is pure bliss. Sometimes I just let him sleep on me during the day because it is such a delight to snuggle an angelic sleeping baby.

Waking: When he wakes in the morning he just lies there with a big happy grin waiting to be picked up. I am such a sap that I am normally waiting impatiently for him to wake in the morning so we can have a cuddle.

Seeing others happy: It brings me a huge amount of joy that his presence has also bought joy to my loved ones.

Watching the changes: We have squeals of delight every time we notice him doing any little new thing like hold a toy or watch you across the room. It amazes me to watch him learn and change.

Everything: Honestly, every day with him is good.

THE BAD

Repetitiveness: At this age we are doing the same thing over and over and it can get repetitive.

Mess: I knew this would be hard for me. Kids just create and cause mess. It’s hard to keep up with it. I do my best because it makes me feel calmer to be in a clean and tidy house.

Attention: I like to keep to myself usually, but having a baby meant having a lot of new attention from family, friends and even strangers. I do find it hard to deal with having more people around me and having less time to recharge from it.

Breastfeeding: Well, as we all know, it works or it doesn’t. Even when it does work, it can be painful and difficult. It hasn’t worked for me and it’s been hard mentally and physically to come to that conclusion.

Lack of control: My time and space is not my own anymore and it’s hard to let go of that sense of control. I’d love to know that my baby will feed or sleep at a certain time, but he doesn’t work that way unfortunately. Every day is a mystery!

Bodily fluids: In honesty, I thought this would be harder to deal with because I have a very sensitive stomach. I’ve actually managed ok, but I certainly won’t be sad when his spewy phase is over.

Cutting nails: Good god, they are hard to cut and he loves to poke himself in the eye and get a fright. Can someone start a baby manicure business please?

THE UGLY

Sleep deprivation: I have been pretty lucky, but the first 10 weeks were tough. Very tough. After that he started seeping through the night. When you are in it though, it feels like it will never end.

Money: Going from two salaries to one is hard financially and certainly causes some worry. It’s amazing what you learn to go without though.

Me time: Like writing on this blog. We have a 2 hour cycle of feed, play, sleep. He normally has 4 x 30 minutes sleep during the day, so during that short sleep window I need to get all my crap done- eat, clean, toilet, emails, texts, Instagram, online shopping. At night he is normally asleep by 8.00 pm, which is when we cook dinner, eat, watch TV, clean and sterilise bottles, talk to each other and get to bed by 10.00 pm. Non-stop party time here!

Freedom: I miss being out to go out with AJ and have a few too many drinks, some delicious food and then sleep in the next day, order Uber Eats and watch Netflix all day. I really miss my freedom, especially in the first couple of months, but I’m getting used to it. Life just takes a lot more forward planning these days.

Watching him grow up: As much fun as it is to watch him change, it’s also heartbreaking because you also want him to stay your tiny little baby forever. Sob.

Worry: By far and away the absolute hardest thing about having a baby for me is the constant worry. My heart just aches when he cries. It genuinely makes me feel physically ill. Plus all the worry about whether you are doing things right. Are you worrying too much? I want to be a relaxed parent, but is this being relaxed or negligent? It’s a fine line sometimes!