My Little Chatter Box

My baby is 2 years and 4 months now. He is suddenly so, so, so grown up. He feels like a little friend. A crazy friend, but a good one nonetheless.

I am loving this age. It’s ridiculously cute. I finally feel like we can have proper conversations. Some funny things he’s saying right now:

We are teaching him about Christmas and he’s really getting the hang of it. He loves Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas and calls it “the good one Christmas song”. Requests “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” “Rudolph”, “Two Turtle Doves” (12 Days of Christmas) and “Jingle Bells” and can sing along in some parts. He tells me that “Santa is bringing me a present and daddy a present and mummy a present”. This week he’s told me Santa is bringing him “toys”, “a piece of cake” and “pink”???

“Mummy be right back”- this means go away mum. He says this to me when he is playing with AJ and doesn’t want me there. 😭 This has come from me saying, “I’ll be right back” before I leave a room so he thinks it’s a good way to get rid of me. Kids can be so mean. Lucky he also says “mummy come too” many times a day.

The other day we were looking for his dummy and couldn’t find it. Then 10 minutes later we walked into his bedroom and he saw it and he said “wait a second!” in the funniest voice, like he’d just uncovered a major mystery. It was just hilarious. Now he says it all the time and it cracks me up every single time.

He asked to see his cousin Polly the other day and I said we’d see her at Christmas. Then he said: “Polly Christmas, uncle working (he calls his Aunty Connie “uncle”), Ashton (my brother) asleep, Poppy pick me up (for a cuddle) and Nanoo go to the toilet.” So he just listed out all the things he thinks they do and was quite accurate.

Everyday he tells me which park he wants to go to: pirate park, footy park, beach park, blue park or pencil park. He’ll choose one and then regret he’s not going to another park and say “footy park today, pirate park tomorrow mum”.

He watched a little bit of Peppa Pig and found the snorting hilarious. Now he’s obsessed with what he calls “piggy noses”. He asks me to tell him a bedtime story every night about “piggy nose” and he holds my nose as he goes to sleep. Lately he wants me to tell him a story about piggy nose going to Bunnings (hardware store). He is a strange child.

Augie has inherited my sweet tooth and every bloody day he asks for ice cream, lolly poles (icy poles) and cupcakes. FML. When I let him have a treat, he just wants more and more. So he’s also inherited my lack of boundaries. Poor kid.

The best thing that’s happened lately is Augie has dropped his day nap. I know it sounds horrendous, but it’s actually for the best. He was taking ages to get down for his day nap and then not going to bed till 10.00 pm. It was exhausting. Now he stays awake all day, but he goes to bed by 6.00 pm or 6.30 pm at the latest and sleeps through till about 7.00 am (sometimes a bit earlier). Plus he goes to sleep so easily, instead of the battles we’ve had every night for the past 12 months. It is LIFE CHANGING! I have my evenings to myself for the first time since Augie was born. I needed this so badly.

His confidence has picked up a lot. He’s climbing everything at the park now and a lot less shy around people (unless they interact with him, then he gets shy). He even went on a jumping castle and has been on a few miniature train rides and just loved it. He’s also been confidently running around play centres and doesn’t seem to care if I’m there or not for a lot of the time. The carousel was not a success though… he’d been asking to “ride the horsies” several times when we saw a carousel, we finally went on one and he wouldn’t sit on a horse, we had to sit on a bench seat and he just gripped my hand and said “almost done” over and over.

Well I had no intentions of toilet training Augie right now. I wanted to wait until he was 100% ready so we’d have minimal mess and I also didn’t want to have to ask him a million times a day if he needed to do a wee. But then he decided to start removing all his clothes and nappy every afternoon so I had to give him a potty to use. The first two days he seemed to not give a shit and just pissed on the floor. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ Then after two days it seemed to come together and he just uses it now and we’ve had no accidents (he even does number twos in the potty). This has only been when he strips off naked around the house. I’m not ready to brave being nappy free out in public or in the car yet. So many places you go do not have public toilets, it looks terrifying! 😳 Plus we are going on a huge road trip over Christmas and staying in 4 different locations across 3 states so I don’t want to manage toilet training during that crazy time.

It’s not all fun times. He’s going through a destructive phase where he tips every toy out of every drawer and box and just walks away. He loves pulling everything out of every bloody cupboard, especially things he shouldn’t be in. It’s seriously doing my head in. He’s what you politely describe as a “busy kid”, which means he’s into fucking everything. He’s always been like this and he’s not slowing down. I guess all two year olds are hard work, but he seems extra hard work. This morning he tipped out my brand new bottle of expensive face oil on the floor and I felt like crying. Ahhhh, toddlers. Lucky I love him so much. πŸ’—

Ummm I’ve been trying to write this for a month and haven’t been able to remember what I wanted to say. All things in life are very Augie focussed right now so I just don’t have much to talk about. Sorry to bore you with my Augie tales. πŸ’—

2 Years, 2 Months πŸ˜Š

This is a long update as it’s been ages since I posted. I think I’m feeling a little better than when I last wrote. Spring is here and we’ve had some small glimpses of sunshine. Augie has only been sick once in the last couple of months and we are all getting a bit more sleep.

Sleep has changed big time here! First we started co-sleeping and that helped a lot. Then Augie decided to drop his day nap. 😱 I fought for it for a little while and then I realised that I can’t force him to sleep if he doesn’t want to. And I just don’t have it in me to fight with him for hours or drive him around to sleep. Plus, when he does have a day nap, he’s up until 9 or 10 pm because he’s had enough sleep. So now he’s going to bed about 7.00 pm and sleeping until 7.30 or 8.00 am. This is amazing!!! I honestly don’t even know myself to have some much needed time to myself.

Co-sleeping 🀣

We also got him his own bed! He just started hating his cot so we thought we’d try a bed. We have only just set it up and last night he woke after 4 hours quite upset and scared so we bought him into our bed. I expect the same thing will happen tonight. I left a light on in his room this time in the hope he won’t be so scared. I don’t mind if he sleeps in our bed, I just want to give him the opportunity to sleep in his own bed if he wants too.

First time seeing his new bed

Augie is getting super cheeky lately. When I tell him that we are going for a drive he says “daddy’s car” to wind me up. I say, “no it’s mummy’s car” and he keeps saying “daddy’s car” or “Augie’s car” or even “Petal’s car” (his toy bunny) and giving me the cheekiest look until he eventually says “mummy’s car”. He will eat paper and run away from me and say “what are you eating?” Or leave a room when he’s not supposed to and say “where are you going?” as he runs away. When we go to the park, every slide he says “one more slide” and holds one little finger up with a very serious look on his face. Yet, it is never the last slide. In fact, we normally still have about 20 more slides. πŸ˜‘

He’s obsessed with stupid YouTube videos of balls and cars changing colours. Honestly, if you told me two years ago I would have a kid watching that crap on TV I’d say “never!” But you do what you have to do for some sanity. When the ads come on he says “bloody ads” obviously repeating me. The only saving grace is that he watches a lot of Spanish and Italian videos and has actually learned to say some colours in Spanish and Italian now so it’s not all bad. Why can’t he watch Disney movies though?

He also loves play doh, tea parties and his dolls right now. I love watching him get his dolls and put them in bed and kiss them good night and say “nigh nigh sleep tight” or make them tea and cupcakes. It’s so bloody cute. He spent ages at playgroup yesterday doing a dolls hair with a brush and hairdryer and putting a headband on. He has a cousin the same age as him and we went to her house and he picked up her toy drill and pretended to blow dry his hair. The funny thing is that she had no idea what a hairdryer is and he had no idea what a drill was… so much for gender stereotypes!

Tea party!

I love hearing him speak, he can pronounce words so well now. He won’t say shortened words like “hippo” will just say “hippopotamus”. He can say my name perfectly and most adults struggle to say my name (my real name is a mouthful). He calls AJ “AJ” a lot now instead of daddy, I have no idea why, maybe I yell it out too much. ☺️

He loves telling me our routines: “Augie shower, mummy cook tea” or “daddy work, mummy Augie day”. He is starting to say very short sentences like “one more time” “close the door” “where’s my daddy?” “What happened?” “mummy kiss it better” “Augie bumped his head” “try again” and in general will repeat the last sentence of anything you say to him. The communication makes life so much easier. I can ask him what he needs and he will tell me:

What do you want in your sandwich?

Ham please.

Which park do you want to go to?

Pirate park. (then he says “Ahoy me matey” πŸ˜‚)

This saves so many tantrums! He even tells me when it’s time to change his nappy or that he has sore teeth (effing molars).

The most he talks is when he sings sings, I’ll hear him singing all the words to 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, Johnny Johnny (yes papa) or if you’re happy and you know it… Though in saying that, no one else except me could probably understand these songs as they get a bit muddled.

First ever ice cream!

He shocks me with his memory! Last month we were going to sleep he goes through all his favourite people and says “nigh nigh Poppy, nigh nigh Nanoo” etc and out of the blue he says “nigh nigh Uncle Simon Aunty Jo”. This is my Aunty and Uncle who he met 2 weeks prior and didn’t speak to them at all but must have remembered them. I was also chatting with a friend and we mentioned the word daycare. He pipes up in the background “pick up Polly” because 6 weeks ago we went to Sydney and while we were there we picked his cousin Polly up from daycare.

He has entered the super determined ‘I do it myself’ stage of toddlerhood. This is fine, except when he wants to do things that he’s physically incapable of doing. Every nappy change or clothes change is a battle. Mornings are exhausting because I have to change his nappy, dress him, brush his hair and teeth. Kill me. Lately he’s been crying for “mummy cuddles” whenever he doesn’t want to do something. I thought he was just stalling, but I started giving him a long cuddle for a 3-4 minutes and then he will normally happily comply with what I asked. So maybe he just wants more connection?

Making his own snack

I must say that every transition with him is hard work right now. He does not like to start or stop doing anything. He gets upset when he has to have a shower and upset when he has to get out of the shower etc. I try to give him plenty of warning of what we are doing, but it really doesn’t help much. It must be hard having no control!

His shyness is out of control right now. Every time we go to the park or playgroup or anywhere with kids he gets upset when another kid comes within a couple of metres of him and says “mummy up” or “mummy cuddles” and wants me to take him away. I try to explain it’s ok but I don’t want him to be scared. I hope it’s just a stage. I hate watching him so scared.

Making his own weetbix

Ok, I know I’m going on and on about Augie. But I was filling out his baby book the other day and I found these updates super helpful for myself. And maybe if I have baby number 2 it will be good to look back on the different stages.

And what about me? Well I got a new part time job! It’s only 8 hours a week, but that’s just enough time give me some income without pushing my sanity over the edge. Plus it connects me to the workforce and helps my self esteem. It’s work from home, very flexible and seems like it won’t be too stressful (once I get the hang of it). I feel very lucky!

I’m still feeling like I miss living in the city and my life there. We just spent two weekends in the city so AJ could attend footy finals (Richmond supporter) and I did love feeling more connected to the city, my friends there, the food and lifestyle. We keep toying with the idea of moving back to our townhouse in Brunswick, but it’s probably not the right space for us. I’m hoping that when summer hits I’ll enjoy the beach lifestyle here more (except the bloody sand πŸ˜’).

On the way to the grand final

For full disclosure, I think it’s worth noting that despite what it may sound like sometimes in these updates, I find motherhood a daily, hourly, minutely challenge!!! It’s all sorts of wonderful (especially the older he gets) but also all sorts of tedious, tiring and frustrating. I’d hate someone to read this and think I find this easy and I’m happy all the time or that my kid is perfect. I scroll Instagram and I feel like everyone else’s kids are easier than mine or everyone else with kids manages to have a better social life than me.

My favourite thing was when my sister in law sent me a photo of the new couch she was going to buy and her daughter was in the background sitting on her phone in the shop watching a show. It made me feel so much better that she has the same challenges shopping with her daughter because she always seems so much better behaved than Augie. Comparison sucks!

Must hold my nose as he goes to sleep

Ahhhh :(

Honestly, winter can fuck off.

Augie is sick again. He’s been sick constantly since the start of May. This brings with it behaviour issues, no sleep and just misery for everyone. It’s been cold and wet so it’s hard to do anything outside and he refuses to wear a jacket or hat. I still try to take him to the park and he won’t get out of the car, but what else can I do to occupy him? I took him to the indoor trampoline centre and he just lay on the trampolines.

We go into Melbourne as much as possible to go to the Melbourne Museum and Scienceworks, which I can’t recommend enough for babies and toddlers. It’s amazing. If I lived in Melbourne, I’d go every day. Spring is just around the corner so I just need to hang in there. We are going to Sydney this week and it’s a full 10 degrees warmer there every day. Insane. Why don’t we move to Sydney?

Well in other news, I lost my job last week. Yep, this is the third time in a row I have been made redundant. Un-fucking-believable. I thought it was coming for a while so it wasn’t a shock. The whole team were made redundant because the company has no money, so I guess I can’t take it personally. In many ways, it’s a relief because I was burning the candle at both ends to work 25 hours and still be a full time stay at home mum. I was kind of killing myself and felt like I was a shit mum and a shit employee so it was causing me a lot of stress.

I’m not really sure what I’ll do now. I had a good situation where I was mostly working from home. I live a long way from the CBD so it makes it difficult to find work. I also just don’t think Augie is ready for childcare yet. He’s incredibly shy and I just don’t want to put him through that trauma. I really wanted to wait to put him in childcare when it was best for him, not when it suited me. I’m not sure I’ll always have that luxury, in fact I may need to start checking out childcare centres very soon.

Augie had a 2 year check up with the child and maternal health nurse a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t a great experience. She got in his face immediately to engage him and upset him and just didn’t seem to understand he was shy (then she refused to let him have a sticker unless he came and took it from her, which he was too scared to do). She gave me a massive lecture that I rock him to sleep and said I was hurting him and it was very sad for him that he needed to be rocked to sleep. She told me he should go to sleep school and when I mentioned that I understand they let kids cry it out at sleep school and she said that’s what he needs to learn to sleep. I’m not at all supportive of cry it out methods for our family and I’m finding it frustrating that it seems to be the norm in our culture. When I talk to friends, or other mums or read sleep advice online it always leads to cry it out methods. I end up feeling like I need to defend my gentle approach. I think I just need to stop talking to people about it. The next time someone asks me how he’s sleeping, I should just say “fine”.

She also did an autism screening test, which he passed fine as it was just about making eye contact, pointing at things, recognising his name, creative play and things like that. I did raise with her that I had niggling concerns about him being different to other kids. I don’t know how else to say it, but he just isn’t the same as other kids at playgroups or my friend’s kids. I like to say he’s quirky, but I do worry it’s more than that. He’s obviously very shy, he’s obsessed with fans (which is an autism factor), if we go somewhere he just plays with the fire hydrants or other weird things and not the toys, he gets obsessed with opening doors and flicking on lights, sometimes when I sing or put on music he says “stop” like the noise upsets him (I do have a terrible singing voice). I don’t know what is just being a toddler and what is different. I really wish my mum was here because she had three kids and I’m sure she’d be able to give me some guidance.

It plays on my mind a lot. I’m not sure if it’s heightened because about 6 years ago I worked with a girl who was pregnant with a baby boy and she was obsessed with worrying he would have autism (he doesn’t). I don’t know if I would have actually thought about it if it wasn’t for that experience. AJ just recently reminded me that my mum used to say she thought I was autistic when I was young (which I’m not) so maybe it’s just hereditary traits. I guess all I know is that I think he’s perfect as he is right now and I don’t want him to change. But I still worry.

I’ve been quite down in the dumps lately from work stress, lack of sleep, feeling lonely, gaining weight, financial pressures, missing my mum and a lot of small things. I decided last night I need to do 3 things to feel better:

  1. Count my blessings to have AJ and Augie
  2. Be of service to the community in a charitable way
  3. Exercise

Wish me luck.

23 Months. OMFG!

I can’t even cope with the fact I have an almost 2 year old. Wow, 2 year olds are so old. I used to look at 2 year olds at the park or on mummy instagram accounts and think they were practically adults. Now I have a 23 month old on my hands. But, I will not complain about Augie getting older because getting older is a joy and a privilege that not everyone gets to experience.

Last month we were at the end of a horrible sickness for Augie. I was feeling pretty low and wondering if my gorgeous boy was ever going to snap out of it, but he did eventually. We’ve had some rough days/nights with his back molars starting to come in, but nothing we can’t handle.

This month we went on a big family adventure with a trip to Uluru for my step mum’s 50th Birthday. It was an amazing holiday with my dad, step mum, brother, sister-in-law and niece. We had a direct flight to Uluru and it was only 3 hours. Augie was fantastic, he slept and then played and watched the iPad on both flights. Uluru was incredible and I’d love to go back one day and have more time to soak it all up and do some hikes.

We stayed at the big resort there and had 3 apartments all next door to each other, which worked out awesomely because we could all come and go and still hang out while the kids slept. We did the fancy Sounds of Silence dinner, a helicopter flight, spa afternoon and the Field of Lights. The only hard part were the flies. I bought a fly net after less than an hour there. I could not handle it. 😣

So I’m not sure if Augie has had a development period, but everyone says he looks massive all of a sudden and his speech and awareness has just gone nuts. He’s often talking in [short] sentences now. Things like saying “eat eat eat apples and bananas” which is a Wiggles song he likes. Tonight we were reading a book and he said the line “hurrah it’s a party”. It’s definitely a lot easier when he can communicate like this now. Though one funny thing he does is say “more” when he wants something, but I often don’t know what he wants, so I’ll say “more what?” and he just says “more PLEASE”. Hmmm, great manners, but not helpful.

Right now his favourite things are “this little piggy”, riding his little bike inside, washing the dishes {making mess} and watching cars drive past outside through the window. He is also constantly picking up AJ’s tins of mints and spilling them all on the floor and saying “oh no… mints” and claps his hands on his face like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Now whenever ever he has any accident he says “oh no… mints” even though mints were not involved. It’s very cute.

He’s finally starting to get into colouring and has learnt all his colours now and loves pointing them out everywhere we go. We have a google powered light in the office and you can change the colour with voice activation so he just yells at it all day “OK Google PURPLE! BLUE! PINK”. He’s even learned fuschia, magenta, gold, vermilion (apparently that’s a colour). His memory is insane, we drove into Melbourne the other day and he started saying “Fishies! Owls!” because he realised we were near the aquarium (he calls penguins “owls”. I think he’s going to be smarter than me soon.

Some other things:

  • His 2 year old molars are coming in… it’s tough going
  • Won’t ever say “yes”, every answer is “naaaah”
  • Does not like wearing clothes (or god forbid a jacket). It’s a constant battle
  • Balloons, balls and bubbles are life
  • Loves to sit on a step and say “ahhh comfy”
  • Will not eats vegetable to save his life
  • Asks to take a photo and holds my phone up at a selfie angle
  • Must have two of every food- one for each hand

Something has happened in the last month and he’s suddenly super clingy with me. He has always been a total daddy’s boy. He would literally shove me away and scream for DAD-EEEEE. But now he’s just all about mum. He snuggles into me, touches my face and says “mu-um” in the sweetest voice. I won’t lie, I bloody love it. Finally!!!

I’m not sure if it’s just winter, but I am feeling a bit down lately. I’ve been regretting our decision to live away from friends and family and just feel so isolated. I’ve been making a concerted effort to hang out with people more and it really helps, but I’m just not loving our new house out in the suburbs. I miss our little house by the beach and our city townhouse. I don’t think I’m cut out for the suburbs. Where to next I wonder? I’m getting sick of moving around, but I just haven’t found the right place yet.

*****

Literally as I was writing this and about to post a week ago, I hear a little voice on the baby monitor saying “mum” super quiet… I investigate and we have projectile vomit. Poor little guy was throwing up for 2 hours. Thankfully he seemed to get it out of his system and he was perfectly fine the next day.

Never a dull moment! Actually that’s a lie, there are plenty of dull moments in parenting… 😝

22 Months was (still is) Hard Work

The big thing this month was moving house. We had to move out of our rental and find another rental because the landlord wanted to move into the house. It was super frustrating to have to move after only a year and with a home business and toddler… it was hard work! We aren’t in love with the location of our new house, but it’s a good fit for us. We have heaps of space and Augie even has his own playroom now. He absolutely loves it and just sits in there playing on his own. We also have a really big hallway so we got him a little bike and he loves riding up and down. It’s perfect timing for winter as he’ll be entertained inside the house.

Augie’s play room before I installed storage and tidied it up!

Just after we moved house Augie got sick. He never gets sick and has been over 12 months without even a cold, so I took him to the doctor and she said he had a bacterial throat and ear infection and gave him antibiotics. The next day he broke out in a rash, so we took him back to see a doctor and he said that he was fine, just sensitive to the antibiotics, but to continue taking them. Then almost a week later he broke out in a much worse rash so I took him to yet another doctor and this one said he had glandular fever and the antibiotics had reacted with the virus. Then the next day his rash was alarmingly bad so I took him to the emergency room for assessment. They were not sure what exactly was wrong so referred us to a pediatrician.

The pediatrician assessed him and believes he is allergic to antibiotics and that he should never have been given them in the first place as he probably had a viral infection and not bacterial. And he most certainly should not have been told to keep taking them after he exhibited a reaction. He was prescribed steroids and phenergen to clear up the rash and sent home.

Side note to all this, each assessment was bloody traumatic for him to be poked and prodded by strangers when he was sick. Plus forcing medicine into him constantly while he kicked and screamed was horrible and completely unnecessary as it turns out.

You’d think that’s the end of the story, but it continued to get worse. A couple of days after taking the steroids he literally became manic. Waking up at midnight and screaming, thrashing, clawing like a wild animal. It would take him about half an hour to calm down and then he wouldn’t go back to sleep all night. I have to drive him to get him to sleep at all. We are on day 4 of this right now. No sleep, melt downs and manic behaviour. My only guess is that the steroids have affected him and they need them to wear off (he’s finished taking them now). It has been the most heart breaking thing to witness.

This exact situation is why I resisted having a kid until my mid-30’s. I was so scared that I’d struggle to cope with seeing my baby in distress. I was right. It has just totally broken my heart to see him in pain and distress. It’s actually even harder than I imagined. Especially because I feel that I should have handled things better and been more critical of what the doctors told me. Big lesson learned.

On a less depressing note, we were in ikea a few weeks ago and forgot to take in Augie’s drink bottle. Of course he demands a drink and we try to ignore him because we were about to go get dinner in a few minutes. It turns out that Augie pronounces “drink” like “dick” and stood in ikea saying very loudly “dick” over and over again until AJ ran to the cafe and bought him a bottle of water. Mostly just to save embarrassment! On that note, my niece pronounces “truck” like “cock” and points out every car she sees and says “cock”. It cracks me up every time. Especially her earnest little face when she says it.

The other thing I’ll remember this month by is Augie saying “oh whoops” approximately 5000 times a day. He says it when he drops stuff or trips over, but also when anything is not how he wants it. If his show isn’t on tv or he doesn’t like the food I’ve given him he says “oh whoops” like it can magically fix the problem. Or if he deliberately throws his fork on the floor and wants me to pick it up. It’s very cute.

Now I’m just going to post some extra photos because I e been at work all day and I miss my baby. 😭

Mothering

Me and Augie on Mother’s Day πŸ’—

All I ever bang on about here is being a mum, so I couldn’t let Mother’s Day here in Australia pass without some reflections.

I didn’t realise that when I became a mum that it would become my whole identity. I think I thought I would maintain more of a balance. Maintain more of myself and my old life. A number of factors have meant that this has not worked out for me.

Moving to a new town and getting a new job shortly after Augie was born means I lost all my pre-mum friends and life. Plus not having family close by to help with Augie means it’s just impractical to do anything without him. The rare occasions I do the grocery shopping or something else exciting like that without him feels surreal.

All the friends I’ve made in my new town are ‘mum friends’. We only hang out with the kids and our connection is based around kids. I really like these women but they are all so busy and their husbands work long hours with long commutes and so no one has time to hang out without the kids. I don’t even know what most of them did for a living before becoming mums. But I know what their kid ate for breakfast. It’s so weird.

I absolutely love being a mum. I don’t think anyone expected me to be such a ‘mumsy mum’, least of all me. I mentioned something about being a bit worn out the other day and AJ said that I make it hard on myself because I’m so hands on with Augie. I’m on the floor playing and reading and playing chasey all day. He said, you should see us on Tuesdays when you’re at work, things are different around here, there is a lot more screen time! He went on to say that the amount of time I give him is not the norm and that’s why I’m tired. Which he meant as a compliment… I think. πŸ˜‚

I love the every day mum stuff, but by far the hardest thing about being a mum for me is losing time to myself. I have very little time to myself these days, I work while Augie sleeps, so I generally get between 8.30 – 10.00 pm after he goes to bed and then I fall asleep while scrolling Instagram because I have to be up at 5 am for work. I find this very, very difficult. I don’t want to complain because I’m very fortunate to have this life, but I want to acknowledge that it’s not easy.

I am a very introverted person and I could happily spend days on my own. Without this time to regenerate I feel less like myself. I sometimes drive Augie to a park 15 minutes away just so I can have that 15 minutes of quiet time to listen to a podcast while I drive. It just re-sets me and makes me a better mum. Plus Augie loves looking out the window and having quiet time too I think.

I moved house last week and while going through all my stuff I wondered who this person was who had sparkly dresses, fancy shoes and dangly earrings. I genuinely don’t recognise that person anymore.

I don’t want to lose that part of me and I don’t think it’s healthy to be so one dimensional. I want Augie to have a well-rounded mum with interests outside of him. This particular season of my life is all about being a mum, but it won’t always be like this and I’ll miss it when it’s over. In fact, I already see August growing more independent every day.

I try and recognise that I’ll look back on this time as the best days of my life so I want to enjoy it while I’m living it. I’m very lucky. πŸ’•

20 Months is my Favourite

I have to admit, Augie has been quite a handful these last 6 months. He has been into bloody everything. These last couple of weeks he suddenly seems a little more chilled (hopefully I’m not jinxing this). In fact, I would say that this age has been my favourite so far (which says a lot because I loved the newborn stage).

The difference is communication, it’s actually a 2-way thing now and it means I can understand him more and he can tell me what he wants. His most used words are: help, more, no and up. He can pretty much express everything he needs with those 4 words, followed by “peeeeese” (please).

He was a very easy going baby, but he is one determined toddler. He must do everything himself! He says screams “I do, I do” when I try to help him. My dad made him a stand so he can help in the kitchen. Every morning he drags it to the bench and makes toast and coffee… and mess. I ask him:

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Augie: Toast!

Me: What do you want on the toast?

Augie: Butter (meaning peanut butter)

Then he doesn’t eat it. πŸ˜‚

His obsession with the car is getting worse. I’ve given up and just plan to let him play in the car for 15 minutes before we go anywhere. It’s actually good because I can race around and pack his food and stuff without him in my hair (the garage is attached to the house and I can see him in the car). He pushes all the buttons and says “broom broom” and “beep beep” and when he’s done he puts himself in his car seat and I can strap him in and go. It’s a phase he’ll get over eventually.

He’s just starting to get into playing with dolls and stuffed toys. When he won’t get in his car seat, pram or high chair I will put one of his dolls or teddy bears in there and say “look, baby wants to sit in the pram” and he falls for it and gets in. He feeds them, gives them his sippy cups, kisses and cuddles them. It’s so cute. Yesterday I saw him put them in his doll pram and rock it back and forth and say “hushhhhh”, which is what he says when I sing hush little baby to him before he goes to sleep every night. So then I started singing hush little baby and he ran over to me and jumped in my arms and cuddled like he was going to sleep. Ahhhh so cute!

He has decided my step mum’s name is “fan” because they have fans at home and he loves them. So now every night when I put him to bed he says:

Nigh nigh Pooh (Winnie the Pooh, his favourite book)

Nigh nigh daddy

Nigh nigh mum

Nigh nigh Pop

Nigh nigh Fan

My step mum thinks it is hilarious and when he calls her “fan” she says “I’m your number one fan”.

With Pop and Fan!

Things are not going well are his swimming lessons. We had to change instructors because of the timing and he has not bonded with the new instructor and will not have a bar of it. The last instructor we had took the time to build a rapport and by lesson 2 he loved her and loved swimming. The new instructor just keeps her distance so she doesn’t upset him and she’s busy because it’s a full class. Last week he started crying when I got out his bathers to go to class so I decided to skip it, it’s meant to be fun and not worth getting upset about. We have an amazing indoor water park and pool only 20 minutes away so we might do our own play for the next few months instead and try lessons again in summer. Funnily enough, this week I ran into two of the mums from our previous class and they both had to change lessons too and have the same new teacher and their kids don’t enjoy it anymore and have also quit.

One nice thing for me is that he’s starting to become more of a mummy’s boy. He has always favoured his dad and will often scream if I pick him up because he only wants dad. πŸ’” He’s fine if it’s just me and him, but if he knows his dad is around, he just wants dad. Yesterday, for the first time, he screamed for me when AJ was trying to put him to bed and I can’t pretend I didn’t love it.