Party Time

I felt a bit of pressure leading up to Augie’s first birthday. Like I had to do something special, but I didn’t know what to do. I mean, a one year old doesn’t really want or need anything much. I was totally over-thinking it of course.

I feel strongly about not spoiling Augie so he didn’t get much for his birthday from us. I bought him a cheap doll from Kmart, a tractor like the one his dad had on his farm and some books. His main present was a donation to a local mums and bubs charity, which will be a tradition and he can choose where he wants to donate as he gets older.

On the day of his birthday we wanted to do something fun for him, but it’s the middle of winter and wet, windy and bloody freezing. So we took him to the aquarium in Melbourne. He loved it! We ended up buying a yearly pass so that we can go back more.

When we got home I realised I had totally dropped the ball and didn’t get him a cake to sing Happy Birthday. Mum fail! I considered trying to make one really quick, but I knew I wouldn’t have time before he went to bed. So I ran out to a bakery and bought him a cupcake. He was so overwhelmed when we sang happy birthday, it was so cute. It may look like he demolished that cake from the photo below, but he hated it and spat it right out.

The big event was a party with our immediate family. Let me tell you, I hate throwing parties. Honestly, it’s my worst nightmare. I only did it because I knew our families would want to celebrate Augie turning one and also for Augie too because he deserves to be celebrated.

My brother, sister-in-law and niece drove down from Sydney for the week and my Dad and Step Mum came up to stay for a night too.

On the Saturday we all went to the footy to watch our team play. The day started off well when we arrived at the footy ground and Augie had completely wet through his outfit and I didn’t have a spare. That’s never happened before and I think it’s because I put him in his baby bjorn carrier (because I couldn’t take the pram into the stadium) and I must have put him in awkwardly because we haven’t used it since he was a few months old. Luckily he borrowed some clothes from his cousin and it wasn’t too cold so he was fine. Then it was his nap time and obviously he couldn’t sleep in a crowded stadium, so he was out of sorts and cried every time the crowd cheered or booed, which was constantly, so my step mum just walked around outside the stadium with him for the whole game. She loved getting extra cuddles so she didn’t mind. The good news is that our team won, but that’s the last time I take Augie to the footy for a while. He just hates loud noises so it’s not the right place for him at the moment. Maybe next year.

Then on Sunday it was time for Augie’s party. It wasn’t a big party, 12 adults and 5 kids, but that’s a lot for our little house! AJ and I were quite nervous about the whole thing. Or maybe it was just me. God I hate parties. My anxiety was in overdrive.

We really wanted good food so we actually practiced every dish before the party. We made beef brisket with bbq sauce, mac and cheese, corn on the cob, coleslaw, brioche buns and chicken. We put a lot of care into perfecting each dish and everyone loved the food so that was a relief.

We were even more nervous about the cake. Can you believe we made 3 practice cakes before we decided on the finished product! First I made one of those multi level rainbow cakes with coconut buttercream frosting. It looked really good, but basically just tasted like sugar. So next was a 3 level strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting. The recipe used a packet of strawberry jelly crystals for flavour and so it tasted a bit fake. I added some fresh strawberries, but I couldn’t add too many or it would be too moist and collapse. So a few days before Augie’s birthday I thought about the flavours I really enjoy and decided to make a 4 layer gingerbread cake with salted caramel layers and cream cheese frosting. It was delicious! Unfortunately it didn’t look as good as the practice ones we made because we ran out of time and had to throw it together. Oh well!

Augie must be like his parents because he didn’t love his party. He spent most of the time upstairs in his room playing with my dad, step mum and his cousin because he was too overwhelmed by all the people. He doesn’t see our families much as they all live far away so they aren’t familiar to him and it was just a bunch of people getting in his face and it was a bit much.

I am glad we had a party for Augie as it seemed to mean a lot to everyone else, but I was so buggered by the end of it. Having a house full of house guests before the party made it hard to plan and organise as much as I normally like to, but that’s part of the fun I guess!

My brother, sister-in-law and niece hung around for a week after the party and I was able to relax and have fun with them. It was so precious to watch Augie play with his cousin. 💗

You’ll notice that apples feature in a lot of photos below. Both kids decided they love apples and had to eat them all of the time. It was very competitive and cute!

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Week 23: 24 March

How far along: Week 23, my lucky number!

How big is baby: Baby weighs about as much as a mango, which is a little over 500 grams and measures 29 cm from crown to heel.

Sleep: It’s OK, my bump isn’t big enough to affect my sleep yet, but my bladder pressure and insomnia keep me awake a bit. It’s not too bad though. I think I am used to it now.

Symptoms: I think my feet are getting a tiny bit swollen. I have never had a problem with puffy feet before, but this week I noticed some indentations in my feet after I took off my heels at the end of the work day. It might be time to switch to flats.

Best moment of this week: I should be saying hearing bub’s heartbeat again at my obstetrician’s appointment, but in all honesty, it was sitting in bed on Saturday afternoon watching property shows and reading baby books with a block of dark chocolate. Bliss.
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Miss anything: Having clothes that fit me. Almost everyday I have to retire another piece of clothing that is bursting at the seams or cutting off my circulation. My bump is still not really big enough to wear maternity clothes, so I’m stuck in limbo. This is a photo I took of myself at work the other day to amuse AJ.

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Movement: Lots and lots of movement! AJ even felt the baby move for the first time this week. Bubs was going crazy and so I called him over to feel. Pretty cool!

Food cravings: My head wants pizza, but my heart(burn) doesn’t want to risk it.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I just need to look at food to get heartburn. Ouch. On top of the heartburn, I get chest pain after I eat which feels like having a heart attack. I raised the issue with my obstetrician again and she reassured me it was normal and not to worry. It makes me very selective on what I choose to eat, which I guess is probably a good thing…

Gender: ???

How’s your mood: Feeling a bit tired and worn out this week. I’ve started to seriously question how long I can continue working in such a high pressure job while I’m pregnant. I find it so mentally and physically exhausting to deal with while I am growing this baby. I am set to take maternity leave on 16 June, which is 5 weeks before I am due, but I have some annual leave to use and perhaps I might see if I can go on leave a couple of weeks early. I just have to muster up the courage to speak to my boss about it…

Looking forward to: The weekend and putting my feet up.

The Bump: Hmmm, I still look more chubby than pregnant.

Though, in exciting news, a guy gave me his seat on the tram this week. So maybe I look more pregnant than I thought I did? He jumped up like his seat was on fire to make sure he gave me the seat, which I really appreciated because it was the end of a very long day and I was struggling.

Wow I have to get better at these ‘bumpie’ photos. This is terrible. I had lighting issues and AJ had already left for work so I was trying to do it myself. Plus you can’t really see what part of the photo is my body and what is carpet/chair. I’ll try and do better next week!

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Pregnancy: Weeks 1-6

1 – 3 WEEKS: 21st October – 4th November 2016

I have no idea that I’m pregnant, but oh my god, why are my boobs so freaking sore?

4 WEEKS: 11th November 2016

I’m experiencing what appears to be severe PMS symptoms: cramps, emotional, sore boobs and tired. I am so tired and emotional at work that I joke to a colleague that I am close with I might need to take a pregnancy test because I do not feel like myself at all. But I don’t really think much more about it.

5 WEEKS: 18th November 2016

I’ve had terrible insomnia all week, just laying in bed awake all night with no hope of sleep. When I do sleep, I have extremely vivid and strange dreams. Then I’m so tired that I fall asleep on the tram on the way home from work.

My PMS symptoms have continued and I start to think that if it is PMS, surely my period would have come by now? My period is a couple of weeks late, but that is normal for me. I’ve only got my period 3 times this year (thanks to Clomid) so it’s not unusual at all that my period would be late.

On Thursday my symptoms are getting out of control. I’m busy and distracted at work, but I write “PT” on my hand to remind myself to buy a pregnancy test when I get home.

I stop by the little supermarket in my apartment building and try to covertly buy a pregnancy test and hope like hell I don’t run into my neighbours. I wait until I am busting to go to the toilet to take the test and then try to read the instructions. This is not smart because it’s really hard to read instructions when you’re about to wet yourself.

It seems I have bought a confusing test, there are two windows, one that says “Test” and one that says “Control”. Both windows get 1 line in them and I’m disappointed because I am hoping to see 2 lines in the “Test” window. I thought “Control” is just to test that it is working correctly. Oh well, looks like I’m not pregnant, I really didn’t expect to be anyway.

A couple of hours later I go back and read the instructions again and start to think I have misunderstood it. Maybe a line in each window means pregnant? I really don’t know at this point. Fuck.

Panic strikes and I immediately google “planned pregnancy regret”. I feel like I am going to be sick. What have I done?

10 minutes pass and I have recovered. The shock has worn off, but it’s been replaced with denial. I decide that I have definitely read the test wrong. I’m not going to think much more about it until I can do another test. AJ is in Sydney for work and his flight has been delayed, he’s not going to be home until really late, so I decide not to mention anything until I have more information. But I am pretty sure that I am not pregnant.

The pregnancy test is on my mind all weekend, but I’m scared to take another test. If I take a test and it’s negative, then I’ll be disappointed, so my logic is to just ignore it. Then on Sunday AJ is away all day helping his sister with her jumping castle business, so I decide to walk down the street and buy another test. I’d rather do this on my own so there is less pressure. Hopefully this test will be less confusing.

It’s positive.

This time I’m excited and I spend all afternoon trying to work out my due date. Unfortunately I can’t work it out because my periods are all out of whack. I am guessing it’s some time in July.

I don’t know how I should tell AJ. I know he is going to be completely shocked. Neither of us ever really thought that I would get pregnant.

He gets home late after a long day outside in the heat and he’s exhausted. We sit out on the balcony and barbecue for dinner. I wait until he sits down and basically hand him the positive test. He’s happy, but the news doesn’t really sink in. It’s a surreal moment for us both and he is more in shock than anything.

6 WEEKS: 25th November 2016

On the Monday morning I ring my fertility doctor and let her know that I had a positive pregnancy test. She asks me to come in for a blood test to check my Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) levels which will confirm pregnancy and give a rough idea of how far along I am.

I go into East Melbourne IVF for my blood tests at 7.00 am on Tuesday and the clinic calls me back before lunch to confirm that I am indeed pregnant and that HCG is 12029, which indicates approximately 6 weeks. She starts talking about deciding if I will be public or private and choosing an obstetrician. I have no idea about any of this stuff. Panic starts to set in.

She books me in for a scan next week where they should be able to tell me the due date and maybe hear the heartbeat. I can’t believe this is happening.

AJ is getting excited now that we have confirmation from the doctor. He brings me home my favourite white blooms and tells me he will give me a foot massage every night. Let’s see how long this lasts!

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Sunday night I am suddenly struck by morning all day sickness. I am suddenly nauseous 24/7 and it is sucking the life out of me. At first I was excited that I had morning sickness, but the novelty has worn off very quickly.

On Tuesday we go in for my first ultrasound nice and early at 7.30 am. The doctor doing the scan tries to do the ultrasound through my belly, but can’t see anything, so he does an internal ultrasound. This works! We can hear the heartbeat and see the little baby. The doctor says that everything looks fine and I’m 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. So I’m about a week behind where I thought I was and my due date is officially 21st July 2017. The doctor also confirms that it is just one baby. Due to conceiving with Clomid, there is a higher chance of multiple birth. I’m happy it’s only one, I definitely couldn’t handle more than that!

I’m cautiously excited at this point, but I still feel like there is a long way to go before I’ll believe that everything will be OK. We leave the ultrasound and wait for a tram to go into work and I spend the whole time dry retching. This is going to be a long 9 months!

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Playing Catch Up

So my life lately has really been consumed by work. I haven’t been able to focus on losing weight, but I don’t think I’ve gained weight either. I am counting that as a massive win for me! I am eating healthy on week days (weekends are a disaster) and I’m walking about 25 minutes each way to work most days to keep moving. I need to do more, but lately I just haven’t had the energy and I don’t want to beat myself up about it.

I’ve been in my ‘new’ job for 4 months exactly today. I think I am finally starting to get the hang of it. I still have a long way to go, but I am ever so slightly less panicked and I have even made a couple of friends. I still wish I was living the good life and didn’t have to work though. Man, I really enjoyed that enforced redundancy break. I shouldn’t complain too much though because I guess I am grateful to have a good job.

So my life has really been all about work, but here is what else has been going on in between…

We bought a new car! It was a spur of the moment decision, we had gone out to buy a toaster and ended up driving past a dealership and stopped in for a look. God we are suckers. I am not into cars, but AJ is happy because it does fast sporty things and I am happy because it has heated seats. Win, win.

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AJ was asked to speak at a conference in Sydney, so I took the opportunity to join him and make it a long weekend. My brother and sister in law moved to Sydney last year, so it was great to visit them and also plan a little break to the cute wine area of Mudgee. I loved it, we had a blast.

While we were in Sydney we nabbed tickets to see Ben Folds (one of my favourites) at the Sydney Opera House. I had always wanted to see a show at the Opera House so that was awesome. Sydney is so much fun!

My sister in law is due to have her baby on the 25th October. Eeeek, I can’t believe I’ll be an aunty for the first time soon. I threw her a baby shower in the pub underneath my apartment last month. I stressed myself out with the whole thing of course. Party planning is hard work, but it went really well. Phew.

We are still waiting for our townhouse to be built. Originally it was supposed to be finished in August… and we are now in October and we are still a long way off. Apparently the builder has had health issues and has had to have treatment in France, so I guess there isn’t much we can do about it. What makes me nervous is that my rental apartment is being sold and going to auction this weekend. So there is a good chance we are going to be without a house. Shit, shit, shit.

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That’s all folks.

xxoo