Week 23: 24 March

How far along: Week 23, my lucky number!

How big is baby: Baby weighs about as much as a mango, which is a little over 500 grams and measures 29 cm from crown to heel.

Sleep: It’s OK, my bump isn’t big enough to affect my sleep yet, but my bladder pressure and insomnia keep me awake a bit. It’s not too bad though. I think I am used to it now.

Symptoms: I think my feet are getting a tiny bit swollen. I have never had a problem with puffy feet before, but this week I noticed some indentations in my feet after I took off my heels at the end of the work day. It might be time to switch to flats.

Best moment of this week: I should be saying hearing bub’s heartbeat again at my obstetrician’s appointment, but in all honesty, it was sitting in bed on Saturday afternoon watching property shows and reading baby books with a block of dark chocolate. Bliss.
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Miss anything: Having clothes that fit me. Almost everyday I have to retire another piece of clothing that is bursting at the seams or cutting off my circulation. My bump is still not really big enough to wear maternity clothes, so I’m stuck in limbo. This is a photo I took of myself at work the other day to amuse AJ.

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Movement: Lots and lots of movement! AJ even felt the baby move for the first time this week. Bubs was going crazy and so I called him over to feel. Pretty cool!

Food cravings: My head wants pizza, but my heart(burn) doesn’t want to risk it.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I just need to look at food to get heartburn. Ouch. On top of the heartburn, I get chest pain after I eat which feels like having a heart attack. I raised the issue with my obstetrician again and she reassured me it was normal and not to worry. It makes me very selective on what I choose to eat, which I guess is probably a good thing…

Gender: ???

How’s your mood: Feeling a bit tired and worn out this week. I’ve started to seriously question how long I can continue working in such a high pressure job while I’m pregnant. I find it so mentally and physically exhausting to deal with while I am growing this baby. I am set to take maternity leave on 16 June, which is 5 weeks before I am due, but I have some annual leave to use and perhaps I might see if I can go on leave a couple of weeks early. I just have to muster up the courage to speak to my boss about it…

Looking forward to: The weekend and putting my feet up.

The Bump: Hmmm, I still look more chubby than pregnant.

Though, in exciting news, a guy gave me his seat on the tram this week. So maybe I look more pregnant than I thought I did? He jumped up like his seat was on fire to make sure he gave me the seat, which I really appreciated because it was the end of a very long day and I was struggling.

Wow I have to get better at these ‘bumpie’ photos. This is terrible. I had lighting issues and AJ had already left for work so I was trying to do it myself. Plus you can’t really see what part of the photo is my body and what is carpet/chair. I’ll try and do better next week!

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Week 22: 17 March

How far along: 22 weeks.

How big is baby: The length of a cucumber. Sounds a bit dirty really…

Sleep: This week is the best I have slept since I got pregnant. I think I am feeling much less anxious and stressed now that I am staying at the hotel and I am getting way more sleep. What a relief.

Symptoms: The usual… heartburn, afternoon fatigue, easily emotional. Plus I got my fourth pregnancy cold. OMG I am so sick of these colds because I can’t take anything to help. I went to the pharmacy and tried to buy Strepsils for my sore throat and the Pharmacist said I couldn’t even take those! Only Panadol allowed.

Best moment of this week: My friend, B, sent me bub’s first toy. So cute! I opened the present at work and one of the girls I work with said “Can you believe that something inside your stomach right now is going to play with that bunny?”. That was surreal!

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Miss anything: Today it was 3 years since my mum passed away. It’s hard to put into words how much I miss her, especially now I am pregnant. I miss having her support at this time when I really need it and I am sad that she misses out on being here for this experience. She would have loved every second of it.

Movement: Bubs has been going crazy with movement this week. I can’t seem to find any patterns to the movement, it happens randomly throughout the day and night and isn’t connected to food or drink that I consume. It just comes out of the blue and gives me a total surprise.

On Saturday night I took bubs to see the Adele concert in Melbourne. I think he/she enjoyed it because they were bouncing around a lot. Or maybe it was that it was so bloody hot and my jeans were way too tight?

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Food cravings: On Monday night I just really felt like ice cream for dinner, so I went to the supermarket and I was finally able to buy Halo Top ice cream. Yay! I have been looking everywhere for these for the past 6 months. They were pretty good, definitely not as creamy and delicious as regular ice cream, but a great treat.

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Anything making you queasy or sick: I’ve had about enough of the hot weather. I got pretty grumpy over the weekend when I was out and about and over-heating myself. Plus all my clothes are suddenly too tight and everything I wear is annoying me.

Gender: I hope it’s a girl because I just cannot come up with any boys names. Any ideas???

How’s your mood: Apart from my occasional  emotional moments, I feel pretty positive and happy this week. Moving into this hotel has just made such a difference to my mood. I feel like my old self again. I love being in the city and having my own space. Plus all the nice restaurants, markets, parks and beauty shops in my neighbourhood are giving me life. Love it.

Looking forward to: When I really start showing and people offer me a seat on public transport. That will be nice.

The Bump: It may not seem like it to anyone else, but my bump has grown a lot in the past 2 weeks. I think I had a little growth spurt. I have really thickened up all around my middle too, as you can see in the photo below, my roll of fat under my boobs is expanding rapidly. So it’s not exactly a cute little bump, I’m just getting fatter, but I kind of expected that to happen. I knew I wouldn’t ever be one of those cute little pregnant women!

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Week 20: 3 March

How far along: 20 weeks. Now we are really getting somewhere. It feels good to be out of the teens and into the twenties.

How big is baby: Apparently bubs is about 16.5 cm and the size of a banana. Yum, that’s making me hungry. Everything makes me hungry.

Sleep: Nothing to complain about too much this week. Whoa that doesn’t sound like me! I must be in a good mood this week.

Symptoms: Well I had been getting bad chest pain after eating. It felt like heart attack sort of pain and not heart burn, so I mentioned it to my obstetrician and she said it’s reflux. I’m like, no but it feels like a heart attack and she said that is what reflux is. Whoops. I don’t think I actually knew what reflux was, so that was embarrassing! I thought reflux and heart burn were the same thing, but reflux seems to be more of a chest pain thing. I have no idea. It’s not comfortable though!

Best moment of this week: Our 20 week scan! We got to see that bubs was all ok, which was nice to put my mind at ease. More on that in another post.

Miss anything: I missed my mum after my 20 week scan, I really wanted to show her the photo of bubs.

Movement: Yes lots of flips and turns and flutters. They are quite quick and only last a few seconds, so not long enough for AJ to feel, but hopefully soon.

Food cravings: Not really a craving, but I do just feel like hot chips this week. Let’s face it though, I always feel like hot chippies, it’s not unusual. I think I see a maccas drive thru in my future!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. I have replaced my beloved Pepsi Max with Diet Coke, for some reason it doesn’t make me feel sick (I only drink it very occasionally). All the foods/drinks that were making me sick for the first 12 weeks, don’t make me want to throw up anymore, but they still turn my stomach a little.

Gender: I am still feeling (or projecting) girl vibes.

How’s your mood: I’ve been in a good mood this week because I had my 20 week scan and my mini break to look forward to. Just knowing that I had a few days off work to look forward to made all the difference this week.

Looking forward to: Seeing my baby niece, Penelope, this week. I haven’t seen her since Christmas and she has grown so much. We are meeting my family in Jervis Bay for a few days at the end of the week. Only my sister in law knows we are coming, it’ll be a surprise for my brother, dad and step mum. They planned the trip away and we couldn’t get the time off work, but since AJ is starting a new job next week, he was able to get a few days off work between jobs and the timing was perfect.

The Bump: I think you can see the bump a little bit in this photo! I mean, I still just look fat, but it’s taking shape. These photos are taken at 5.30 in the morning, so that explains my crazed look.

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Week 16: 3 February

This week I finally told people at work that I am pregnant. I didn’t really plan on telling my boss just yet, but an opportunity came us where we were having a big talk (i.e. she was telling me off) and it was the right time to tell her. She then proceeded to tell my team a few days later because she said if I wasn’t going to do it, she was going to tell them. So that seemed a bit weird. No one believed her at first, which has been a common reaction. I am not sure why this has shocked everyone so much?!

So now just about everyone I am close with knows I’m pregnant. It has been such a weird and awkward experience telling people I am pregnant because it feels like such a personal thing to share. I really hate talking about myself normally and now I am getting so many questions (which is lovely of people to care) but I feel quite uncomfortable. Has anyone else felt like that?

How far along:  16 weeks, yay! Ive been excited to get to this point. It seems like I am really getting there. Next milestone is 20 weeks. 🙂

How big is baby: The size of an avocado, which is weird when I have eaten avocado for lunch every day this week.

Sleep: The insomnia hasn’t been too bad this week, but sleep has been a bit lacking due to the very early mornings for my long commute to work.

Symptoms: Just so bloody tired. I have found myself pretty much done for the day at 3.00 pm and barely able to function after that. It might have more to do with the heat and the commute to work than the baby. Also, I feel like my hair looks like shit lately, is this a pregnancy thing or just having a bad hair month?

Best moment of this week: AJ got a new job, which has nothing to do with the baby, but I am excited for him. Unfortunately this means he won’t get much paternity leave, but hopefully he’ll be able to take 2 weeks off when I have bubs. I have a feeling I will have my hands full!

Miss anything: I’m still missing my mum. Ive been trying not to think about it, but I had a horrible dream on Saturday morning that my gran passed away and my mum was hysterical because it meant that I didn’t have her or my gran to be there for me and the baby and she was worried about me. I woke up sobbing and just haven’t felt good all week. My gran is actually alive in real life, but she hasn’t known who I am for 5 years and can’t really communicate with me at all. So even though she’s still alive, I miss her so much too. It’s just really bought home for me that I don’t have my mum or gran with me. It doesn’t help when so many people keep saying things to me about my mum. People just assume my mum is still around and will help me with the baby and I have to correct them. The HR girl at work was awful because she was pushing me to give her a date for my return to work and I said it would depend on childcare and she flippantly said “can’t your mum just babysit?”, which was just annoying on a number of levels.

Movement: I’m not feeling anything. Maybe in the next few weeks.

Food cravings: Nothing too much, just dry/carby foods and fruit. Nothing weird. I am trying to eat better this week after eating sooooo much take away while we were moving.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No issues this week, but I still can’t stand the sight of chili, onion, capsicum, tomato, mints, coffee and pepsi max. That’s been consistent for my entire pregnancy.

Gender: I still don’t know, I always think of it as a little girl, but that’s just because I want a girl!

How’s your mood: Don’t ask! Oh dear, its been a bit tough again this week. I have felt teary and emotional all week and just not like myself. I am blaming the hormones.

Looking forward to: Just fast forwarding through the next 4 months and being in my new house and having a big fat baby bump.

The Bump: I can really feel it now when I am laying in bed, but no one else can really see it yet. Now that people at work know I am pregnant everyone keeps saying that they can’t believe I am 16 weeks pregnant because you can’t tell. I think it’s quite normal not to have a bump until about 20 weeks for your first pregnancy. Obviously I have a bit of padding for the bump to poke through yet.

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Shit is Getting Real

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My sister in law sent me my very first gift for bubs last week. I haven’t bought anything for the baby yet, it seems too soon and we are in the middle of moving, so there didn’t seem much point.

But it was really cool to hold up the tiny little onesies and try and picture our baby wearing it. Mind blowing. I don’t even really know how I get those clothes on the baby, but I guess I’ll work it out.

My sister in law also bought Penelope the same little white overalls and sent me a picture of her in them. How lovely it will be to have cousins so close in age. I am so glad it has worked out like this and they will always have each other.

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She also sent me some stretch mark cream that she said worked for her. She didn’t get any stretch marks with her pregnancy last year, but that ship has already sailed for me about 20 years ago! I have stretch marks all over me and they really don’t bother me that much anymore. It seems pointless putting the cream on my jiggly stretched out skin, but I may as well give it a go.

Week 13: 13 January

I stole this weekly update from Breathe Gently’s blog, I thought it would be fun to look back on one day.

How far along: 13 weeks- second trimester!
How big is baby: Almost as long as a pea pod.
Sleep: Waking up constantly in the night, but I’m being careful not to reach for my phone to browse and try and get back to sleep.
Symptoms: I’ve had a lot of pressure/cramping in my groin/abdomen that has made it very uncomfortable to sit all day at work. Nothing serious, just quite uncomfortable.
Best moment of this week: Getting some lovely sunflowers at work from AJ to brighten my day.
Miss anything: My mum, I had a sudden craving for her yorkshire puddings and wished she was here to make them for me.
Movement: You aren’t supposed to be feeling baby yet I don’t think, but I definitely feel twitching, I think it is just stuff happening in my tummy (like growing a baby).
Food cravings: Yorkshire pudding.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Coffee. I still can’t stand it.
Gender: No idea!
How’s your mood: Struggling this week because of some issues with our living situation and feeling sorry for myself that it all has to be so hard right now.
Looking forward to: Just making it through each week right now.
The Bump: Not much happening there just yet except my usual podginess.

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Excuse the mess, we are moving!

Pregnancy: Weeks 1-6

1 – 3 WEEKS: 21st October – 4th November 2016

I have no idea that I’m pregnant, but oh my god, why are my boobs so freaking sore?

4 WEEKS: 11th November 2016

I’m experiencing what appears to be severe PMS symptoms: cramps, emotional, sore boobs and tired. I am so tired and emotional at work that I joke to a colleague that I am close with I might need to take a pregnancy test because I do not feel like myself at all. But I don’t really think much more about it.

5 WEEKS: 18th November 2016

I’ve had terrible insomnia all week, just laying in bed awake all night with no hope of sleep. When I do sleep, I have extremely vivid and strange dreams. Then I’m so tired that I fall asleep on the tram on the way home from work.

My PMS symptoms have continued and I start to think that if it is PMS, surely my period would have come by now? My period is a couple of weeks late, but that is normal for me. I’ve only got my period 3 times this year (thanks to Clomid) so it’s not unusual at all that my period would be late.

On Thursday my symptoms are getting out of control. I’m busy and distracted at work, but I write “PT” on my hand to remind myself to buy a pregnancy test when I get home.

I stop by the little supermarket in my apartment building and try to covertly buy a pregnancy test and hope like hell I don’t run into my neighbours. I wait until I am busting to go to the toilet to take the test and then try to read the instructions. This is not smart because it’s really hard to read instructions when you’re about to wet yourself.

It seems I have bought a confusing test, there are two windows, one that says “Test” and one that says “Control”. Both windows get 1 line in them and I’m disappointed because I am hoping to see 2 lines in the “Test” window. I thought “Control” is just to test that it is working correctly. Oh well, looks like I’m not pregnant, I really didn’t expect to be anyway.

A couple of hours later I go back and read the instructions again and start to think I have misunderstood it. Maybe a line in each window means pregnant? I really don’t know at this point. Fuck.

Panic strikes and I immediately google “planned pregnancy regret”. I feel like I am going to be sick. What have I done?

10 minutes pass and I have recovered. The shock has worn off, but it’s been replaced with denial. I decide that I have definitely read the test wrong. I’m not going to think much more about it until I can do another test. AJ is in Sydney for work and his flight has been delayed, he’s not going to be home until really late, so I decide not to mention anything until I have more information. But I am pretty sure that I am not pregnant.

The pregnancy test is on my mind all weekend, but I’m scared to take another test. If I take a test and it’s negative, then I’ll be disappointed, so my logic is to just ignore it. Then on Sunday AJ is away all day helping his sister with her jumping castle business, so I decide to walk down the street and buy another test. I’d rather do this on my own so there is less pressure. Hopefully this test will be less confusing.

It’s positive.

This time I’m excited and I spend all afternoon trying to work out my due date. Unfortunately I can’t work it out because my periods are all out of whack. I am guessing it’s some time in July.

I don’t know how I should tell AJ. I know he is going to be completely shocked. Neither of us ever really thought that I would get pregnant.

He gets home late after a long day outside in the heat and he’s exhausted. We sit out on the balcony and barbecue for dinner. I wait until he sits down and basically hand him the positive test. He’s happy, but the news doesn’t really sink in. It’s a surreal moment for us both and he is more in shock than anything.

6 WEEKS: 25th November 2016

On the Monday morning I ring my fertility doctor and let her know that I had a positive pregnancy test. She asks me to come in for a blood test to check my Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) levels which will confirm pregnancy and give a rough idea of how far along I am.

I go into East Melbourne IVF for my blood tests at 7.00 am on Tuesday and the clinic calls me back before lunch to confirm that I am indeed pregnant and that HCG is 12029, which indicates approximately 6 weeks. She starts talking about deciding if I will be public or private and choosing an obstetrician. I have no idea about any of this stuff. Panic starts to set in.

She books me in for a scan next week where they should be able to tell me the due date and maybe hear the heartbeat. I can’t believe this is happening.

AJ is getting excited now that we have confirmation from the doctor. He brings me home my favourite white blooms and tells me he will give me a foot massage every night. Let’s see how long this lasts!

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Sunday night I am suddenly struck by morning all day sickness. I am suddenly nauseous 24/7 and it is sucking the life out of me. At first I was excited that I had morning sickness, but the novelty has worn off very quickly.

On Tuesday we go in for my first ultrasound nice and early at 7.30 am. The doctor doing the scan tries to do the ultrasound through my belly, but can’t see anything, so he does an internal ultrasound. This works! We can hear the heartbeat and see the little baby. The doctor says that everything looks fine and I’m 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. So I’m about a week behind where I thought I was and my due date is officially 21st July 2017. The doctor also confirms that it is just one baby. Due to conceiving with Clomid, there is a higher chance of multiple birth. I’m happy it’s only one, I definitely couldn’t handle more than that!

I’m cautiously excited at this point, but I still feel like there is a long way to go before I’ll believe that everything will be OK. We leave the ultrasound and wait for a tram to go into work and I spend the whole time dry retching. This is going to be a long 9 months!

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