Mothering

Me and Augie on Mother’s Day 💗

All I ever bang on about here is being a mum, so I couldn’t let Mother’s Day here in Australia pass without some reflections.

I didn’t realise that when I became a mum that it would become my whole identity. I think I thought I would maintain more of a balance. Maintain more of myself and my old life. A number of factors have meant that this has not worked out for me.

Moving to a new town and getting a new job shortly after Augie was born means I lost all my pre-mum friends and life. Plus not having family close by to help with Augie means it’s just impractical to do anything without him. The rare occasions I do the grocery shopping or something else exciting like that without him feels surreal.

All the friends I’ve made in my new town are ‘mum friends’. We only hang out with the kids and our connection is based around kids. I really like these women but they are all so busy and their husbands work long hours with long commutes and so no one has time to hang out without the kids. I don’t even know what most of them did for a living before becoming mums. But I know what their kid ate for breakfast. It’s so weird.

I absolutely love being a mum. I don’t think anyone expected me to be such a ‘mumsy mum’, least of all me. I mentioned something about being a bit worn out the other day and AJ said that I make it hard on myself because I’m so hands on with Augie. I’m on the floor playing and reading and playing chasey all day. He said, you should see us on Tuesdays when you’re at work, things are different around here, there is a lot more screen time! He went on to say that the amount of time I give him is not the norm and that’s why I’m tired. Which he meant as a compliment… I think. 😂

I love the every day mum stuff, but by far the hardest thing about being a mum for me is losing time to myself. I have very little time to myself these days, I work while Augie sleeps, so I generally get between 8.30 – 10.00 pm after he goes to bed and then I fall asleep while scrolling Instagram because I have to be up at 5 am for work. I find this very, very difficult. I don’t want to complain because I’m very fortunate to have this life, but I want to acknowledge that it’s not easy.

I am a very introverted person and I could happily spend days on my own. Without this time to regenerate I feel less like myself. I sometimes drive Augie to a park 15 minutes away just so I can have that 15 minutes of quiet time to listen to a podcast while I drive. It just re-sets me and makes me a better mum. Plus Augie loves looking out the window and having quiet time too I think.

I moved house last week and while going through all my stuff I wondered who this person was who had sparkly dresses, fancy shoes and dangly earrings. I genuinely don’t recognise that person anymore.

I don’t want to lose that part of me and I don’t think it’s healthy to be so one dimensional. I want Augie to have a well-rounded mum with interests outside of him. This particular season of my life is all about being a mum, but it won’t always be like this and I’ll miss it when it’s over. In fact, I already see August growing more independent every day.

I try and recognise that I’ll look back on this time as the best days of my life so I want to enjoy it while I’m living it. I’m very lucky. 💕

What to Buy a First Time Mum (or any new Mum)

I promise that this isn’t just an excuse to post photos of Augie again!

A friend of mine had a baby recently and so it made me think, what do you buy a first time mum? I am one of those boring people who likes to buy practical gifts. I don’t like clutter or excess. In fact I felt genuinely guilty at the money people spent on buying beautiful gifts for Augie that he didn’t get a lot of use out of because he grew out of them too quickly.

So if I was going to buy a gift for a baby now, here are some ideas of what I’d buy since I’ve had a baby. These presents would suit newborn age through to about 18 months (and beyond). One caution to note is that I don’t think new mums necessarily want some of this stuff right away. I know that I didn’t want to think about my baby being 6 or 12 months old. I found that overwhelming because I was just trying to deal with a tiny newborn. So don’t rock up on a new mum’s doorstep and start talking about introducing solids. It’s too much!

Warning, these presents won’t make everyone gasp “Oh my god its so cute”, but they are oh so helpful! I’ve put some links in to some of the items that I’ve bought, but often I’ve just purchased the most convenient product, it may not be the best or cheapest, so don’t take my word for it!

Nursing pillow: I didn’t realise I’d need one of these to make breastfeeding easier. On the way home from the hospital we stopped at Baby Bunting to buy one and it helped a lot. I still didn’t have a very successful breastfeeding journey, due to Augie’s tongue tie, but the pillow made it much easier to position him and also saved my back. I have fond memories of cuddling Augie on that nursing pillow for many, many hours.

My nursing pillow is in most of my newborn Augie photos.

Vaporiser: Augie got his first cold at only 6 weeks old and it was awful! The pharmacist recommended a vaporiser to help him breathe at night. Babies can’t blow their nose or clear their airways so when they get stuffed up, they struggle to breathe. I put eucalyptus oil in this vaporiser and had it on during all his sleeps and it really helped him breathe. I’ve used it every time Augie gets the sniffles in the past 12 months and it’s been a god send.

Digital thermometer: It’s very hard to take an accurate temperature reading for a baby so these digital ones make it super easy. You just wipe it over their forehead and it tells you the temperature and lights up green or red to tell you if it’s safe or not. Any time Augie feels a bit warm, I just run it over his forehead to put myself at ease.

Baby smock: When Augie was first learning to eat it was MESSY (still is) and I’d put these smocks on him for every meal. Also, I didn’t realise how many foods really stained clothes (mandarins, bananas, pumpkin) so this made washing easier. The bonus is that I’ll use them when Augie starts doing messy play with paints and mud etc.

Dummy clips: I bought a few different kinds from Etsy and they have been a lifesaver for me. Nothing worse than being out and about and your fussy bub throwing their dummy on the grotty shopping centre floor. You’re screwed. (Dummy= pacifier)

Electric nail trimmer: I didn’t have one of these, but I wish I did. Holy crap it’s hard work to trim a babies nails. Actually, I’ve now discovered that it’s even harder to trim a toddlers nails.

Bath thermometer: My baby bath actually had an in-built thermometer so I didn’t need one of these, but most baths don’t have them. Until he was about 6 months old, we had to be pretty careful with the water temperature so this helps a lot.

Baby sunscreen: I didn’t even think of this and had no idea what sunscreen to put on Augie. I’ve found this a good one for a wiggly baby and now I keep one in the pram, in the car, in my handbag and the nappy bag. I’ve since heard that sunscreen isn’t recommended for babies under a certain age, I’m not sure of the rules exactly, clearly I was not aware of them!

Cup tether: Augie is a chucker! He throws his cups (and food and toys…) all the time. We bought this tether for his highchair and his car seat so he always has his water available. It’s probably one of the handiest things we’ve bought.

Sippy cup: No joke, I’ve purchased at least 8 different sippy cups for Augie and this is the best (for him anyway). I thought he’d have trouble with the straw when he was little, but he mastered it right away. I think we started giving him water at about 6 months of age, before that it was just formula.

Food Babies Love: I was so overwhelmed when it came time to introduce solids. I know a lot of parents start solids at 4 month, but I put it off until 6 months because it felt too much for me. This book helped a lot with guidance on how to start and diverse foods to make bub.

Face mask: Having a baby takes a lot out of you. Literally. So a little pampering can really help. I haven’t tried this brand face mask (but I use the other products and I love them). I’ve heard amazing things about these face masks and I plan to treat myself soon.

Swaddle: I could not master the swaddle with a muslin wrap or blanket. I was terrible at it and babies just love to feel secure in a nice tight swaddle so we used the Love to Dream swaddles for every nap and they were brilliant.

Board books: I know we all love to buy beautiful story books for babies, but I can’t have those books near Augie because he’ll tear them apart. I wanted to read to Augie from birth, so thank god for board books. When he was a newborn I read him lovely story books and then from about 3 months onward we turned to board books because they were so practical. There is a lot of drool and spew with babies too so they can normally be wiped clean to. Augie’s favourites were the “That’s Not My…” series and of course his all-time fave “Puppy Makes Mischief”. At 14 months of age, we are still not ready to graduate to paper books…

Hand sanitizer: I think we all know the reasons why we need hand sanitizer with a baby! My friend bought me this beautiful one from Aesop and we kept it on the change table and it made us feel much nicer after the less than glamorous job of changing dirty nappies. It was the first thing I bought my sister in law when she had her baby. We went through so much of this stuff, I highly recommend it!

Bento box: For the slightly older bub is a great lunch box. We bought Augie this one when he was about 12 months old and it’s fabulous. You get them personalised and so they make great gifts. I bought one for both of my nieces too.

Hooded bath towel: Augie would always scream when we’d get him out of the nice warm bath in the winter, so a nice soft hooded bath towel to wrap him in immediately is a big help.

Sleep aid: Most new mums that I know have tried a baby sleep aid. They can be expensive so if you want to buy a useful christmas present or first birthday present maybe ask if something like this would help. I bought my niece the owl last Christmas and it’s made a huge difference to her sleep. I have recently tried the Glow Dreamer and it unfortunately didn’t help Augie so I’ve returned it. I’ve also heard good things about the Lullo doll. Augie’s comforter of choice is just a soft bunny.

Augie started using his bunny as a comforter (with supervision) from about 4 months.

Lactation cookies: I had never heard of these before I had a baby, but my friend bought me some and they help improve milk supply and taste delicious. You really can’t go wrong with these because even if the new mum isn’t breastfeeding, you still have delicious (guilt free)cookies. It’s a win, win.

Nursing sleep wear: After having a baby you spend a lot of time in your nightgown and a lot of time with your boobs hanging out, so having something nice and practical to wear is fabulous. My sister in law bought me this one and I loved it. I didn’t want to stop wearing it after I finished breastfeeding because it supported my boobies so well!

Gift card: If you want to show a new mum that you’re thinking of her, a gift card to her favourite clothing store can help. After having a baby you will find that you old clothes won’t fit for a while (or ever again) and it gets you down. So being able to buy something new that makes you feel like your old self again is lovely.

Chocolate: Any and all the chocolate. You can never go wrong with chocolate!

I must say that having a baby really humbled me with the incredibly kind, thoughtful and generous gifts I received. Especially from my girlfriends who don’t have children! It made me feel so embarrassed that I was such a shitty present buyer for mums and bubs in the past. I couldn’t even use the excuse that I didn’t have a baby because neither did they and they bloody nailed it!

Obviously, at the end of the day, gifts aren’t important. All a new mum wants to know is that her baby is beautiful and she’s doing a great job!

8 Months Old

Age: 8 months old already. That’s practically a toddler right?! What a bloody month it has been too. Gastro, a cold, teething, the 6th leap in development and of course the big fall down the stairs. And still, he is just a delicious little ray of sunshine. I mean the grizzling and whinging have been dialled up a notch, but nothing out of the ordinary for a teething baby.

The leap and teething have been a little bit challenging, but I now know that it’s a phase that will pass. I used to get a lot of anxiety whenever he wasn’t a 100% happy bub, but I can relax a bit now and know that it’s all just a phase. It will pass.

He’s getting more cuddly this month. He’ll nestle his little face right in my neck for cuddles. At night when I put him to bed he sucks on my cheek, which I tell myself is a kiss goodnight. He is pretty wiggly and it can be hard to get him to sit still, so when I get a cuddle I enjoy it!

Feeding: Not much has changed this month, he’s still drinking 5 bottles a day of about 150 ml. Plus 3 meals a day. By eating 3 meals a day, I mean he throws food on the floor 3 times a day. I’ve tried cutting one bottle to try and get him to eat more, but I’ve been unsuccessful. We took a big backward step when he had gastro and was too sick to eat anything, so it’s like we are learning how to eat again. In saying that, I give him pretty much anything to eat from puréed food to lamb chops, basically anything that we are eating, so he gets to try plenty of foods. The only thing he really loves is meat. He never throws that on the floor!

He’s also finally mastered drinking water from his sippy cup. He bloody loves drinking water now, much prefers it to eating. Crazy kid.

Sleeping routine: It’s been a month in two halves: before the leap started and after the leap started.

Before the leap he was sleeping 6.30 pm – 7.30 am with two naps a day of 1 – 1.5 hours. Then the leap starts and he suddenly starts waking up needing cuddles and play time around 8.00 pm. Generally I can get him back to sleep after an hour or so and he’ll stay asleep. He is making a lot of noise and little cries throughout the night too. It’s amazing how these development leaps affect his sleep.

He’s also been teething, so some nights he’s been very sad and I’ve needed to give him Panadol to settle him. Poor little boy. He’s had a tough month.

At the start of the month he also naturally dropped his first morning sleep. He used to always have a sleep around 8.00/8.30 am. He skips this nap now and just has a longer mid-morning nap at about 10.00 am. This is great because I am pretty much set my clock by the morning nap now and I might even start using that time to work from home soon.

Firsts: A big month of firsts!!!

Crawling- he’s on the move! He is mostly commando crawling, but he can crawl properly as well. The maternal health nurse said he might prefer commando crawling because we have hardwood floors and it’s just easier. We now also have stair gates and a playpen to keep him safe! It’s so much fun playing with him now that he can move. He can chase you or you can call him and he’ll (sometimes) come over.

Tooth- FINALLY! It’s felt like he’s been teething forever. He cracked his first tooth (bottom front right) and then a week later the one next to it popped up too. Oh man does it hurt when he bites my finger now. I can’t imagine breast feeding…

Waving- he waves hello now. Well he does when he feels like it. Sometimes you say hello and he just stares at you like you’re an idiot.

Blowing raspberries- he loves blowing raspberries on my legs, arms, chest… basically anywhere he can find some skin. It’s quite cute. And slobbery.

Achievements: Well it’s been a very tough month with Augie’s accident (see last post if you missed it, I can’t link because I’m on my phone). Augie recovered incredibly well, but AJ and I are still struggling with guilt and going over and over in our heads how we let it happen. Anyway, we all survived. That’s an achievement right?

Things we have learned: To put stair gates on. Enough said. 😥

Appearance: He’s still my little blonde, blue eyed boy. I never would have thought in a million years that I’d have a blonde haired, blue eyed boy. I wanted a dark haired, dark eyed little girl, but lucky for me, I got Augie.

We had an 8 month appointment with the maternal health nurse and she weighed and measured him. He’s 71 cm and 9.1 kilos, which puts him slightly above average for height and weight. It’s quite funny, there are two babies at mothers group and one is born the day before Augie and one is born the day after (both girls). One is 7 kilos, one is 8 kilos and Augie is 9 kilos. All are healthy and perfect, just completely different!

Mummy update: I am struggling. I had always heard that being a working mum was hard, but it’s been difficult in a way that I wasn’t expecting. The balance isn’t too bad because I’m not over-loaded at work and AJ is managing very well looking after Augie while I’m at work. What is hard is feeling kind of useless as a Mum and employee.

As a part time employee, I am left out of all major projects, decisions and meetings. I am just being delegated pieces of work. I have no responsibility. I feel like I’ve been demoted.

As a part time Mum, it’s hard to lose control. I really like to be in control and I have to let go. I was caring for Augie 24/7 for the first 6 months of his life. AJ helped, but let’s face it, I was the primary career. I want Augie and AJ to have that time together, but I hate missing out too.

So essentially I feel left out, out of control and not needed as a Mum and employee. I know it’s pretty sooky because I have a great work and home arrangement, it’s just a difficult adjustment. It’ll just take time to adjust.

Q&A

So my blog friend at Baby wanted! An IVF journey tagged me in a get to know you quiz and I thought it would be fun to have something to say that wasn’t about the baby. Yay!

1. When did you start blogging?

I started on the last day of 2006 on my old blog, which was called the same as this one, but hosted on blogspot. I’ve blogged pretty consistently since then, except for a 1 year break after my mum passed away and I was just trying to make it through each day. When I came back to blogging I created a new blog over here on WordPress because I needed a fresh start.

2. Why did you start your blog?

I’d been reading lots of weight loss blogs and drawing a lot of inspiration so I thought it might help me as well. I also wanted a blog so that I could comment on my favourite blogs and join the blogger community.

I’m not sure why I keep blogging, I sure as hell barely comment on any blogs anymore and almost every blogger I used to read has stopped. I guess I must get something from it because I keep doing it, even though I do feel silly sometimes. Plus there is nothing better than getting a comment or email from someone who can relate to what you are going through, or has some good advice or offers some much needed support.

3. What do you do for your day job?

Currently I am a stay at home mum, but normally I am a Digital Marketer for a large home building company. I do things like the website, social media, online ads and video content. It’s a good job, but its hard to enjoy it because it tends to be too crazy busy. I’m hoping to change my approach to work when I go back after my maternity leave. Famous last words…

4. Where are you located (city, country)?

I live in an inner city suburb of Melbourne in Australia. I keep wanting to mix things up and move to another state, but Melbourne is just such a bloody awesome place to live that it is hard to leave.

5. What has been your biggest regret in your life? 

I really don’t have many regrets, I see my mistakes as great lessons and they have shaped me as a person. If I was going to say anything, I’m going to be heavy and say that I regret the way I handled caring for my mum as she died. I think I could have been more assertive with some healthcare professionals and I also (in hindsight) could have managed her comfort and pain better. I looked after her at home on my own and I didn’t know what I was doing and I wish I could have made her more comfortable in her final days. It haunts me a lot thinking about what she went through.

6. What has been your greatest achievement? 

I don’t have a single great achievement. I would say that my biggest achievement was just finally creating a life that I love. In my early twenties I was in a very bad place (if you read my old blog you would see that). I hated myself, I was scared of life and I was about ready to just crawl up in bed and eat myself to death. Instead I went back to uni and got another degree, got myself a good job, lost 50 kilos, got my drivers licence, started travelling and slowly built up my confidence. It’s not a perfect life, but it’s a good life I think.

7. What advice would you give to your 18 year old self? 

Well I probably wouldn’t have listened, but definitely to have confidence and respect for yourself. That you are worthy and awesome and don’t need to change for anyone else.

Also to travel more, date more and get your damn drivers licence.

Oh and, steer clear of the credit cards for god’s sake!

8. Do you have a special or unusual skill that perhaps people don’t know about ? 

Nope, I really don’t.

9. Where is your favorite city to visit?

Well this is an impossible question to answer because I love so many cities (and there are so many great cities that I have yet to visit). I’ll answer with the city I am yearning to visit today, which is Chicago. I listened to a podcast of an interview with Laurie Metcalf yesterday and she spoke a lot about the Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago and it brought back so many wonderful memories of visiting Chicago and seeing a play at the Steppenwolf in 2015. We had such an amazing time in Chicago and it’s definitely a city that I could happily live in.

10. How do you motivate yourself?

Oh this is a horrible answer, but I recognise that I use self-shame and worrying what people think about me to motivate me a lot. I use it to stop me shoving food in my mouth, to get me exercising, it motivates how I behave at work and socially and I can even see how I am starting to use it as a mum. This needs to change.

11. What do you hope for most in 2018? 

I am really focussing on choosing happiness in 2018. I am trying to build a life that centres on being happy. It sounds simple, but I have found that I often seem to choose worry and sadness over happiness. I know that I will still live with worry and sadness in my life, but I am going to let the happiness shine through more.

Week 17: 10 February

How far along: 17 weeks!

How big is baby: The size of a turnip. That just makes me think of yummy homemade soup.

Sleep: Up and down. Insomnia strikes about half of the time, but I guess I am getting used to it. I just try not to worry about it snuggle up with AJ while he snoozes and play with my phone (when the internet works here).

Symptoms: Not too many physical symptoms. I’m tired, grumpy and stressed, but I think that is more about my living situation right now and not pregnancy. I think physical symptoms are going well this week though. 

Best moment of this week: To be honest, I couldn’t think of any great moments this week. I am trying to find my happy place in small things like burning a nice candle, going on a weekend walk, watching a movie with AJ. It’s the little things…

Miss anything: Hmmm, what don’t I miss… my own space, a kitchen, not sharing a bathroom with teenagers, phone service, internet, TV reception… Not that I am complaining or anything… 🙂

Movement: I think I actually felt something this week. A few times I felt some pretty major flutters in my tummy that I am pretty sure was bubs somersaulting around inside.

Food cravings: Nothing in particular, but still enjoying fruit, which is unusual for me.

Anything making you queasy or sick: The same things like coffee, mints, pepsi max, but they are making me feel much less sick now. Things are on the way up.

Gender: I don’t know! I am projecting girl because I really want it to be girl. Most people say they think I am having a girl because they know I am a girly type and would suit having a little girl. Or they are trying to be nice and make me feel better!

How’s your mood: Oh my goodness, I am a mess. I cried on the train tonight while reading a sad book. So that says it all.

Looking forward to: Just moving into this next stage of my life, I’m ready to fast forward past the next few months and be in my new house, on maternity leave, with my baby.

The Bump: I know you can’t see anything in the photo below, but I can see it a bit more now and I can definitely feel it. I am starting to get a lot of comments from people who think its strange I don’t have a bump yet, but it really is quite normal from what I have read. I am not expecting to be showing for another 4 or so weeks.

The 5% Rule

I’ve done every diet under the sun over the years. I’ve lost and gained hundreds and hundreds of kilos on these diets. Now I’ve decided I really only follow one simple rule when it comes to healthy living: only consume food and drink with less than 5% sugar.

This works well for my body because I have insulin resistance and my body does not respond well to sugar. In the past I have tried to eat low carb, but I think it’s more important for me to monitor sugar, rather than carbs now.

Let me tell you, this eliminates a lot of foods! I tend to eat a lot of lean meat, vegetables, salad and eggs. I supplement this with brown rice, freekeh, quinoa and legumes. But, it isn’t always practical to prep and cook these foods and a lot of the time I simply can’t be bothered. So these are my go-to items that get me by in-between cooking sessions.

Of course Im not perfect and tubs of ice cream and macaroni and cheese will regularly make an appearance in my diet, but this is the principle I follow most of the time.

I’d love to know if anyone else has any great low sugar products to share. Oh and if you can find me an ice cream with less than 5% sugar, I will give you every cent I have (disclosure: I am poor).

Mayvers Peanut Butter– Dark Roasted is my favourite, best eaten straight out of the jar!

Jalna Greek Natural Yoghurt– Why are yoghurts so full of sugar? This hits the spot.

Hubbard’s Natural Muesli- 5 Grains & Hazelnuts– Wow is it hard to find a low sugar cereal!

Sirena Tuna in Oil with Chilli– On corn thins or just on its own as a snack

Corn Thins– Topped with cheese and avocado

Cool Pak Popcorn – For movie night, or any night…

Coles Simply Less Dark Chocolate– For those sweet cravings

 

55

Dear mum,

I can’t believe you are 55 today. I still vividly remember planning your 40th and then 50th birthday celebrations like they were yesterday. It’s the third time your birthday has passed without you here now. I don’t think it gets any easier. Dealing with the constant feelings of loss and sadness just becomes a new normal.

You have missed so much this past year. There have been so many changes in our little family! My little brother and his wife moved all the way to Sydney for work, I started building a new house, I was made redundant from my job, my older brother became estranged from our family, I got a new job and I bought a new car. So it’s been a good and bad year. I know it would have been a lot easier to cope with it all if you were here.

The biggest thing that has happened to our family is that you are expecting your first grandchild. No, it’s not from me! Your youngest son is expecting a baby with his wife in October. I am so happy for them, but it has been really hard news at the same time. I know how badly you wanted to be a grandmother and so it just breaks my heart into a million pieces that you aren’t here to experience it finally.

There is no one is the world who wanted to be a grandparent more than you did. Ever since I was a little kid I can remember you talking about being a grandmother. You had us kids so young that you decided that you would probably make a better grandmother than mother. So you talked non-stop about “when I have grand kids” all the things you would do better. I wish I had bothered to tell you that you were actually an amazing mum and that you had nothing to make up for. I’m so sorry that your grand kids won’t have you in their life.

I’m at home in bed sick today and I have no doubt that if you could, you would be here making me soup and cleaning my house so that I could rest. That would make you happy on your birthday. You loved to be needed by your kids. Instead, I will go and buy your favourite white flowers and think of you.

I want you to know that you are so, so very missed.

Love ya mum.

xxoo

Read 54 here

 

 

 

Dazed & Confused

I finally get around to writing a blog post and now I stare at the screen and feel like I don’t know here to start. This has been my general state of mind for the past 18 months. Confusion.

It’s annoying because I am normally a decisive person who knows what I want. Sometimes I don’t know how to get it, but at least I used to know what I wanted.

Ever since my mum passed away last year I feel lost all the time. It’s like I have lost the anchor in my life and I am drifting.

• Should I look for a new job?
• Should I buy an apartment?
• Should I move to the country?
• Should I move to Sydney
• Should I have a baby?
• Should I quit my job and do nothing?
• Should I go travelling?

Oh god, I just don’t know what to do. All of the above? None of the above? I do know that I am craving change. I turn 35 in a few months. What do I want to do with my life?

I wish I could just relax and let life happen, but I feel like I am at a turning point in my life… if only I knew which way to turn.

Until I can figure it out I guess I just keep going along as I am where the only decision I need to make is red wine or white wine.

Back!

I have returned from a wonderful 3 week work/holiday trip to the US and i’m back at work today.

Cue major depression.

Also, right now the only clothes I have that fit me are my pyjamas. It was pretty hard to find something to wear to work today… Apparently I can’t eat 10,000 calories a day for a month and still fit into my clothes.

Diet starts NOW!

Oh god, i’m hungry already…