22 Months was (still is) Hard Work

The big thing this month was moving house. We had to move out of our rental and find another rental because the landlord wanted to move into the house. It was super frustrating to have to move after only a year and with a home business and toddler… it was hard work! We aren’t in love with the location of our new house, but it’s a good fit for us. We have heaps of space and Augie even has his own playroom now. He absolutely loves it and just sits in there playing on his own. We also have a really big hallway so we got him a little bike and he loves riding up and down. It’s perfect timing for winter as he’ll be entertained inside the house.

Augieโ€™s play room before I installed storage and tidied it up!

Just after we moved house Augie got sick. He never gets sick and has been over 12 months without even a cold, so I took him to the doctor and she said he had a bacterial throat and ear infection and gave him antibiotics. The next day he broke out in a rash, so we took him back to see a doctor and he said that he was fine, just sensitive to the antibiotics, but to continue taking them. Then almost a week later he broke out in a much worse rash so I took him to yet another doctor and this one said he had glandular fever and the antibiotics had reacted with the virus. Then the next day his rash was alarmingly bad so I took him to the emergency room for assessment. They were not sure what exactly was wrong so referred us to a pediatrician.

The pediatrician assessed him and believes he is allergic to antibiotics and that he should never have been given them in the first place as he probably had a viral infection and not bacterial. And he most certainly should not have been told to keep taking them after he exhibited a reaction. He was prescribed steroids and phenergen to clear up the rash and sent home.

Side note to all this, each assessment was bloody traumatic for him to be poked and prodded by strangers when he was sick. Plus forcing medicine into him constantly while he kicked and screamed was horrible and completely unnecessary as it turns out.

You’d think that’s the end of the story, but it continued to get worse. A couple of days after taking the steroids he literally became manic. Waking up at midnight and screaming, thrashing, clawing like a wild animal. It would take him about half an hour to calm down and then he wouldn’t go back to sleep all night. I have to drive him to get him to sleep at all. We are on day 4 of this right now. No sleep, melt downs and manic behaviour. My only guess is that the steroids have affected him and they need them to wear off (he’s finished taking them now). It has been the most heart breaking thing to witness.

This exact situation is why I resisted having a kid until my mid-30’s. I was so scared that I’d struggle to cope with seeing my baby in distress. I was right. It has just totally broken my heart to see him in pain and distress. It’s actually even harder than I imagined. Especially because I feel that I should have handled things better and been more critical of what the doctors told me. Big lesson learned.

On a less depressing note, we were in ikea a few weeks ago and forgot to take in Augie’s drink bottle. Of course he demands a drink and we try to ignore him because we were about to go get dinner in a few minutes. It turns out that Augie pronounces “drink” like “dick” and stood in ikea saying very loudly “dick” over and over again until AJ ran to the cafe and bought him a bottle of water. Mostly just to save embarrassment! On that note, my niece pronounces “truck” like “cock” and points out every car she sees and says “cock”. It cracks me up every time. Especially her earnest little face when she says it.

The other thing I’ll remember this month by is Augie saying “oh whoops” approximately 5000 times a day. He says it when he drops stuff or trips over, but also when anything is not how he wants it. If his show isn’t on tv or he doesn’t like the food I’ve given him he says “oh whoops” like it can magically fix the problem. Or if he deliberately throws his fork on the floor and wants me to pick it up. It’s very cute.

Now I’m just going to post some extra photos because I e been at work all day and I miss my baby. ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Mothering

Me and Augie on Motherโ€™s Day ๐Ÿ’—

All I ever bang on about here is being a mum, so I couldn’t let Mother’s Day here in Australia pass without some reflections.

I didn’t realise that when I became a mum that it would become my whole identity. I think I thought I would maintain more of a balance. Maintain more of myself and my old life. A number of factors have meant that this has not worked out for me.

Moving to a new town and getting a new job shortly after Augie was born means I lost all my pre-mum friends and life. Plus not having family close by to help with Augie means it’s just impractical to do anything without him. The rare occasions I do the grocery shopping or something else exciting like that without him feels surreal.

All the friends I’ve made in my new town are ‘mum friends’. We only hang out with the kids and our connection is based around kids. I really like these women but they are all so busy and their husbands work long hours with long commutes and so no one has time to hang out without the kids. I don’t even know what most of them did for a living before becoming mums. But I know what their kid ate for breakfast. It’s so weird.

I absolutely love being a mum. I don’t think anyone expected me to be such a ‘mumsy mum’, least of all me. I mentioned something about being a bit worn out the other day and AJ said that I make it hard on myself because I’m so hands on with Augie. I’m on the floor playing and reading and playing chasey all day. He said, you should see us on Tuesdays when you’re at work, things are different around here, there is a lot more screen time! He went on to say that the amount of time I give him is not the norm and that’s why I’m tired. Which he meant as a compliment… I think. ๐Ÿ˜‚

I love the every day mum stuff, but by far the hardest thing about being a mum for me is losing time to myself. I have very little time to myself these days, I work while Augie sleeps, so I generally get between 8.30 – 10.00 pm after he goes to bed and then I fall asleep while scrolling Instagram because I have to be up at 5 am for work. I find this very, very difficult. I don’t want to complain because I’m very fortunate to have this life, but I want to acknowledge that it’s not easy.

I am a very introverted person and I could happily spend days on my own. Without this time to regenerate I feel less like myself. I sometimes drive Augie to a park 15 minutes away just so I can have that 15 minutes of quiet time to listen to a podcast while I drive. It just re-sets me and makes me a better mum. Plus Augie loves looking out the window and having quiet time too I think.

I moved house last week and while going through all my stuff I wondered who this person was who had sparkly dresses, fancy shoes and dangly earrings. I genuinely don’t recognise that person anymore.

I don’t want to lose that part of me and I don’t think it’s healthy to be so one dimensional. I want Augie to have a well-rounded mum with interests outside of him. This particular season of my life is all about being a mum, but it won’t always be like this and I’ll miss it when it’s over. In fact, I already see August growing more independent every day.

I try and recognise that I’ll look back on this time as the best days of my life so I want to enjoy it while I’m living it. I’m very lucky. ๐Ÿ’•