20 Months is my Favourite

I have to admit, Augie has been quite a handful these last 6 months. He has been into bloody everything. These last couple of weeks he suddenly seems a little more chilled (hopefully I’m not jinxing this). In fact, I would say that this age has been my favourite so far (which says a lot because I loved the newborn stage).

The difference is communication, it’s actually a 2-way thing now and it means I can understand him more and he can tell me what he wants. His most used words are: help, more, no and up. He can pretty much express everything he needs with those 4 words, followed by “peeeeese” (please).

He was a very easy going baby, but he is one determined toddler. He must do everything himself! He says screams “I do, I do” when I try to help him. My dad made him a stand so he can help in the kitchen. Every morning he drags it to the bench and makes toast and coffee… and mess. I ask him:

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Augie: Toast!

Me: What do you want on the toast?

Augie: Butter (meaning peanut butter)

Then he doesn’t eat it. πŸ˜‚

His obsession with the car is getting worse. I’ve given up and just plan to let him play in the car for 15 minutes before we go anywhere. It’s actually good because I can race around and pack his food and stuff without him in my hair (the garage is attached to the house and I can see him in the car). He pushes all the buttons and says “broom broom” and “beep beep” and when he’s done he puts himself in his car seat and I can strap him in and go. It’s a phase he’ll get over eventually.

He’s just starting to get into playing with dolls and stuffed toys. When he won’t get in his car seat, pram or high chair I will put one of his dolls or teddy bears in there and say “look, baby wants to sit in the pram” and he falls for it and gets in. He feeds them, gives them his sippy cups, kisses and cuddles them. It’s so cute. Yesterday I saw him put them in his doll pram and rock it back and forth and say “hushhhhh”, which is what he says when I sing hush little baby to him before he goes to sleep every night. So then I started singing hush little baby and he ran over to me and jumped in my arms and cuddled like he was going to sleep. Ahhhh so cute!

He has decided my step mum’s name is “fan” because they have fans at home and he loves them. So now every night when I put him to bed he says:

Nigh nigh Pooh (Winnie the Pooh, his favourite book)

Nigh nigh daddy

Nigh nigh mum

Nigh nigh Pop

Nigh nigh Fan

My step mum thinks it is hilarious and when he calls her “fan” she says “I’m your number one fan”.

With Pop and Fan!

Things are not going well are his swimming lessons. We had to change instructors because of the timing and he has not bonded with the new instructor and will not have a bar of it. The last instructor we had took the time to build a rapport and by lesson 2 he loved her and loved swimming. The new instructor just keeps her distance so she doesn’t upset him and she’s busy because it’s a full class. Last week he started crying when I got out his bathers to go to class so I decided to skip it, it’s meant to be fun and not worth getting upset about. We have an amazing indoor water park and pool only 20 minutes away so we might do our own play for the next few months instead and try lessons again in summer. Funnily enough, this week I ran into two of the mums from our previous class and they both had to change lessons too and have the same new teacher and their kids don’t enjoy it anymore and have also quit.

One nice thing for me is that he’s starting to become more of a mummy’s boy. He has always favoured his dad and will often scream if I pick him up because he only wants dad. πŸ’” He’s fine if it’s just me and him, but if he knows his dad is around, he just wants dad. Yesterday, for the first time, he screamed for me when AJ was trying to put him to bed and I can’t pretend I didn’t love it.

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5 Years Gone πŸ’—

My mum has been gone for 5 years now. The 23rd March. It’s funny how the 23rd day of the month has been significant for me: I was born on 23 December, Augie was born 23 July, my mum passed 23 March and we had another baby supposed to join our family on 23 June, but sadly they didn’t make it.

My world is so different now than the world I had when my mum was here. In those 5 years that she has been gone I’ve lived in 3 homes she never visited, had 3 jobs she didn’t know about, bought a new car that she hasn’t seen and, of course, I had my beautiful baby boy, August.

It’s actually hard to imagine her being here, though I do think about it every single day. I try to imagine what she would be like with Augie. All she ever wanted was to be a grandmother so I know she’d be in her element.

One day last year, my brother and his wife and daughter were visiting from Sydney. One afternoon my brother, my niece, Augie and I went to a local brewery for a quick drink. All I could think about was how my mum would give anything to be here in this simple moment with her kids and grandkids. I also wished she was here because taking a 1 year old and 2 year old to a brewery at 5.00 pm was a bloody handful!

I really struggled with the idea of having kids without my mum here. For a while, I didn’t want to get pregnant because I just couldn’t bear the thought of having a baby that my mum would never know. And it is as hard as I thought it would be.

I wish she was here to give me an extra pair of hands, to turn up with new singlets for Augie because she knows we needed them, to bring over dinner once in a while, to tell me I’m a good mum, but mostly just to delight in everything about Augie. I wish it so much for Augie too.

I miss you every single day mum.

Me and mum, this is how I remember her most

When mum was sick, the last time she saw the ocean

Mum with me and my older brother

19 Months is an Adventure

This month I am reminded of that poem “There was a little girl…”, my mum used to sing that poem to me all the time. I actually sung it to her when she was taking her last breaths as it reminds me of being a little girl and my mum singing to me. But that’s not the point of this story, the part I can relate to with Augie is:

When she was good, she was very good indeed, but when she was bad she was horrid.

This describes Augie right now. Most of the time he is pure sunshine. Absolutely hilarious, saying funny things, being cute and cheeky and sweet. He’s full of smiles and hugs and kisses and silly games.

Then he has a tantrum. A full on toddler tantrum. Holy shit. It’s so hard. The poor little guy must have a lot of big emotions happening. I find it hard to know how to handle them. Sometimes I try to distract him, other times I ignore him. It breaks my heart though because I just want to pick him up and give him a cuddle.

The main things he tantrums over are wanting to play with the peanut butter jar (it’s glass so he can’t have it and I tried buying him a plastic brand but he’s smart enough to know that’s not the ‘real’ PB we eat) and wanting to play in the car. He loves to sit in the car and push buttons and pretend to drive, but it’s too hot to sit in there for too long. Or of course wanting the bloody phone. We barely let him use it, but he’s obsessed. I try to stay off my phone around him, but I need to be somewhat attached for work.

It’s so hard to know the right way to deal with these tantrums. I worry that my gentle approach could turn him into a brat. I don’t know how to find the right balance. I guess this is being a mum… always worrying that you have messed up your child! The good thing is that at playgroup yesterday, two mum’s I’m friends with mentioned their son’s behaviour had drastically changed this month in very similar ways to Augie. They are all born within a month of each other so I’m hoping it’s just a phase.

Augie has become so much more curious about people. He’s still shy, but he will approach people sometimes now and want to interact. He walks up to bigger kids and pats them on the back, they normally just look at him like he’s a weirdo, but that’s ok. I think he’s grown in confidence and it’s so lovely to watch.

With his cousin

He still struggles with new people though, we had to change swimming lessons because the time he had was during his nap. I knew it would be a disaster. We’ve had 5 weeks of his head in my neck and clinging onto me for dear life. He loves swimming, but he doesn’t like new people and the new lessons seem more basic than his old lessons. I sneak away and let him jump off the side of the pool or swim under water and his whole face lights up again. We’ll get there!

This month Augie took his first flight. It was only very short, Melbourne to Sydney (a little over an hour). Wow. How do people do long flights with toddlers? He just wanted to wiggle and play and Jetstar flights do not have much room. Can you believe that on the way home the woman in front of AJ (who had Augie in his lap) put her seat back? FFS. Honestly, I have no desire to go on anymore flights with Augie until he’s a little easier to entertain.

Oh and I tried to be tricky and booked the flight for during his nap time. That was a mistake. He finally fell asleep as the plane wheels touched down on landing so I had to carry him all through the airport, to get our bags, to the pick up area across the other side of the airport where my sister in law picked us up. Then he woke up as soon as we got in the car.

Actually, travelling with Augie this trip felt exhausting. He is just into everything at the moment. We stayed with my brother and sister in law and, even though they have a 2 year old, their house is not childproofed. Their daughter just doesn’t get into things (I’m so jealous). Drawers with knives, medicines left out, chemicals in cupboards, all the kitchen cupboards had breakable things in them, the stair gates were often left open and so many things for him to destroy. For instance, there was a glass candle sitting on a shelf where toys are kept so Augie dropped it on the tiles and of course smashed everywhere. I just had to follow him around for 5 days. Plus he never sleeps well when we travel. Remind me not to go anywhere for the next 6 months.

Augie got his first two eye teeth through this month and the other two will be through soon I hope. They have been causing him to be a bit cranky and waking during the night. Hopefully after this we get a little break before his 2 year old molars come through. I hate seeing him sad.

His sleep has been much better this month. He’s sleeping 8.00 pm – 7.00 am with a nap between 12.00 pm – 2.00 pm. Like I mentioned, he has been waking and needing cuddles, but that’s ok, he just likes to put his head on my chest and snuggle in.

Oh and the big news for me to whinge about this month is that we need to move house again. The owners of our property are moving in so we need to find a new house. Fark!!!!!! I do not want to move house. Trying to move with a toddler and with both AJ and I working from home is going to be tough. Plus I love my house and location and I don’t think we’ll be that lucky again. The silver lining is that I will be able to get a house without stairs. I still have night terrors every single night about Augie’s accident. I wake up and think Augie is going to fall down the stairs and have to check the stair gates and check he’s in his cot, except I’m still asleep and so confused and think I’ve lost him. It’s awful and I’m relieved that I can hopefully find a house without stairs now. AJ will be relieved that I’ll be slightly less crazy now.

This all sounds very negative, Augie has been a handful for sure, but still a constant delight. He’s started loving The Wiggles and dancing to Hot Potato. He repeats everything I say, even full sentences, but they don’t make much sense coming from him. He can count to 10 (most of the time anyway) and sings along when we sing the alphabet. He still plays peekaboo obsessively and his new favourite book is Winnie the Pooh. He’s finally getting the hang of colouring in, but he gets distracted quickly and eats the crayon. The weird new thing he does is follow me to the toilet and pass me toilet paper and then try to pull my underwear up for me. Oh and the funniest new word he says “doodle”. He says it “doo-dool” and I laugh every time I hear him say it.

19 Months is an adventure.

18 Months… A Proper Toddler!

Wow 18 months feels like a big milestone! Now he’s really a toddler I guess. Well he certainly seems like it anyway. Boy oh boy is he up to mischief now…

Dare I say it, Augie is ever so slightly coming out of his shell. I see him quietly approach other kids at the park and watch them. He’s been hiding less from people and definitely a little more interactive. I was able to leave him with my dad and step mum for the evening while we went to see Florence and the Machine play at a local winery and he was fine (he knows them pretty well now). I mean he wouldn’t go to sleep for them, but that doesn’t surprise me. Getting him to sleep lately is like diffusing a bomb.

We had a very unfortunate incident a couple of weeks ago where he fell head first off the back of the couch onto the wooden floorboards. My poor baby boy. He had quite the head bump, a cut under his nose and on his lip. I almost took him to the emergency room, but he seemed fine and it felt like it would be more traumatic to spend hours at the hospital waiting and being poked and prodded by doctors. After he recovered from the shock he was back to his normal self.

I have massive mum guilt though because it was in the evening when I normally let him watch his TV show (Little Baby Bum) and I prepare dinner and have a little break. Of course I was on my phone and didn’t notice him climb the couch. I feel sick to my stomach about it. New rule is that I keep the hell away from my phone while I’m with Augie. πŸ˜₯

It’s not just the couch he’s climbing, he’s also able to climb onto the outdoor table setting and the top of the kitchen table. Basically every piece of furniture we own. FML. I cannot get a moment of peace anymore. I am so nervous and won’t let him out of my sight. The worst part is that he’s not the best climber, some kids are little monkeys and can climb anything with great balance, Augie is not quite as agile (must take after me).

I’m loving all the ways it feels like we can communicate with Augie now. It’s exciting to ask him a question and he will answer: “do you want a bath or shower?” (Sha-waaa). Augie has just exploded with new words lately. My favourites are flower, shower, koala and bubba (peanut butter). Oh and when I ask him what noise an elephant makes and he says brrrrrrrrr and raises his arm in the air like an elephant trunk. So cute! A little less cute is repeating swear words… “shit”. Obviously we laughed when he said it so now he thinks it’s hilarious. Oh well, my stance on swear words is they don’t mean much to me, I’m more concerned that he uses kind words to people rather than whether he swears.

Augie is definitely getting more toddler like in his wilful behaviour (tantrums). I’m scared to think how full on it will get when he’s 2 or 3 years old. Most common tantrum is when I bring him in from the garage because he’s obsessed with the car and wants to play with it all day. He loves all the buttons to push and the steering wheel. I try to distract him by asking him to close the garage door and turn off the lights, but he’s a bit too clever for distraction techniques these days.

Dealing with tantrums is hard! I want to acknowledge his frustrations (it must be tough having no control) but not give in to them either and reward difficult behaviour. I mostly try not to say no unless I really need to. I realised that I was saying no to things that just don’t matter, like turning the air conditioner on and off 10 times, who cares? The more I say no, the more obsessed he becomes with something, so if I ignore it he gets it out of his system and stops (mostly). I like the ideas I’ve read on gentle parenting from Sarah Ockwell Smith so I’ve bought some of her books for guidance.

Lately he’s decided not to eat anything unless it’s yoghurt, fruit, sandwiches or meat. My only saviour is that he’ll eat veggie and lentil patties to get some nourishment. Now I guess I know why parents feed their kids such junk. Kids are really bloody stubborn when it comes to food.

The biggest theme this month has been the 18 month sleep regression. HOLY SHIT!!! It’s a doozy. This is quite literally the worst August has ever slept (including newborn days). Yep. Getting him to sleep takes 1-2 hours and I need to lay on the floor next to his cot for a long time until I’m sure he’s definitely asleep. Then be careful my knees don’t crack and wake him up as I’m quietly standing up to leave the room (has happened twice now πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ). Then he’s waking up through the night, which is super unusual for him. He’s either sobbing or just wide awake and needs lots and lots of cuddles.

Last night I was up with him until 3.00 am and then I got up at 5.00 am for work. I’m so tired guys. This has been going on for two weeks and I just don’t know how mums do this for so long. I feel so bad for parents who go through this for months… or even years. AJ offers to get up and help, but my preference is that I do it. I like being there for Augie when he’s upset, it’s why I wanted to be a mum and I enjoy it. It’s just hard right now, but I need to remember that it won’t be forever.

I’m feeling every day of my 38 years right now. Is this why women have babies in their twenties?! We have been talking a lot about where to move when our lease runs out in May. Or if we stay where we are. I’m really wanting to move closer to family because I’m feeling a bit desperate for a helping hand occasionally. My closest family is a 4 hour drive and it’s just too far to visit much. I’d love to be able to drop Augie off on a Saturday night and go out for dinner or a Sunday morning while I get stuff done around the house. But it’s not really practical to live where my family live (for work and other reasons). What to do…?

A silly photo with AJ while out at a concert last week

17 Months + Christmas

Well Augie is not far off 18 months so I’m running behind on this update.

We’ve had a crazy month with Christmas and lots of family and travel and lack of routine. It was a lot of fun but I’m glad to be back to normal now. Augie does better with routine and so do I!

Augie is happy Christmas is over because he is so shy and having so many people in his face over the Christmas period was tough on him. Poor guy spent the entire time with his face in my armpit. He’s starting to worry me slightly with his shyness. He never participates in the activities I take him to or even looks like he’s enjoying himself. I just don’t want him to miss out on the fun. I mentioned it to someone at work and they said it makes sense because I’m so shy, which I thought I hid well, but obviously not.

As usual, August has blown me away with what he understands and what he’s capable of now. He actually does what I ask him to do, like “can you pass this book to dad” and he does or “do you want to go to the park?” and he goes and stands by the garage door (shouting “car”). The funny thing is, my niece visited for four days over Christmas (she is nine months older than him) the difference was insane! Augie seemed like a little baby in comparison to her level of capability, comprehension and language skills. So I guess he’s still more baby than toddler.

Funny things August does lately…

  • Stands on the couch and says “sit” and then sits down and laughs hysterically. But “sit” sounds a lot more like “shit”.
  • When we get near our house in the car he shouts “hurrah” when we get to the same place because he’s happy to be home.
  • When he sees my phone he shouts “shark” because we sometimes put Baby Shark on for him and he bloody loves it. In fact, if he gets hold of my phone he knows how to push the kids YouTube app and then push the shark video to play it. WTF. I don’t let him go bear my phone if possible!
  • Just loves the swing at the park. I try to find quiet parks so he can have the swing for 20 minutes and not hog it from other kids.
  • Brushes my hair for me when I’m putting him to bed and brushing his hair.
  • Loves to give his Poppy and Nanny kisses on FaceTime.
  • Just obsessed with his books. We read books all day and now he knows what’s going to happen when we’re reading and gets excited and says his favourite words. Hearing him say “koala” is very cute.
  • Tantrums are a thing now. If I don’t let him close the car door or turn the light switch off or climb up the stairs himself he has a little meltdown. I feel like this is only going to get worse too… I’m bracing myself.
  • Puts his dirty nappy in the nappy bin for me (and says “yuck”).

I really enjoyed having two weeks off work over Christmas. I get a great sense of pride in working (and obviously the money is handy to say the least), but I really needed that break. Having that two hours to myself while he slept every day was heaven. I often sat in the beanbag outside with a beer and read my book. Bliss.

With my niece and sister in law

The greatest part was not having to leave Augie for a full day every week. He’s always really clingy to his dad after I work because I disappear for 24 hours and I guess he’s confused. It seemed to bring us much closer together when I wasn’t leaving him.

Getting this child to go to sleep is still a mystery to me. Honestly, I spend way too much time agonising over this issue. He just fights sleep at bedtime and will be up until 10.00 pm. A week ago we started waking him at 7.00 am (he’d normally sleep much later) and only letting him sleep 2 hours for his nap (he’d easily sleep 3 or more if I let him). This is in the hope he’ll go to bed at a reasonable time.

We’ve had moderate success. He’s going to bed earlier, but it’s still a massive battle. In fact, it got so hard this week I took him to the doctor because I worried he had an ear infection or something for him to be so upset (he doesn’t). It was so insane and completely out of character. He is hysterical if I try to hold him in any nursing position. It does look like he’s getting his eye teeth right now and I’ve read about an 18 month sleep regression so I can only think it’s one or both of these issues. Or he’s just having a tough time. Poor little guy, it just breaks my heart to see him upset.

Oh, and I don’t want to harp on about this because I’m very anti-diet culture and hating on yourself (I’ve done enough of that on this blog). I well over-did it with food and wine at Christmas (actually, it was all of December). I don’t feel good and I don’t know why I ate so much. None of my clothes fit me now and it’s frustrating. I’m happy to be eating better and I hope to feel better soon.

It’s great timing to be reading my lovely friend, Ailsa’s, new book Perfectly Imperfect. I met Ailsa through blogging as we had similar experiences and we’ve become great friends. When I first read her blog I was more interested in her thoughts on weight loss surgery and body image. Now that I’m a mum, I have a whole new appreciation for how she navigated motherhood, especially with a husband who was a FIFO worker. She’s an amazing inspiration and her book is just hitting the spot right now. πŸ™Œ
Perfectly Imperfect: Raw reflections on body image, mothering, love and loneliness (that you don’t usually share)

16 Months is Delightful

I’m on the train heading into the city for my last commute for the year. Thank god. This commute is so tough. I only do it once a week, but the almost 6 hour return trip really knocks me out. I’m still working for the rest of the week, but just from home like I normally do.

Actually I just realised that this time next week it’ll be Christmas! We’ve been really enjoying the holidays season with Augie this year, though he doesn’t actually know (or care) what’s going on. We’ve done the Santa photos, Christmas light drive, Myer Christmas windows, baked Christmas cookies, listen to Christmas music all day and lots of local Christmas events. We stayed in the city for the night for my work Christmas party and did lots of Christmas activities so I think we’ll make that a yearly tradition. I can’t wait until next year when he might get more excited.

Augie is a very shy baby so we knew we’d need to get in the Santa photo with him. He’s still not feeling very happy about the situation!

I think I say this every month, but the changes over the past month in Augie have been unbelievable. It’s like he suddenly understands everything.

  • Loves playing chasey and “I’m going to get you”. I say to him to “go get dad” and he’ll run and jump on AJ.
  • Peekaboo never gets old around here. It’s all day, every day. We sneak up on AJ and play boo and he gets so excited that he lets out a little giggle and AJ has to pretend he doesn’t know we are there. It’s so cute.
  • He does the actions to his favourite songs now and when I read his favourite books he’ll say the words I leave out on purpose.

With his grandparents

  • He loves songs and games with suspense and will squeal and laugh uncontrollably when we are doing “this little piggy” and “incy wincy spider”. Then say “more” and we do it over and over again.
  • His favourite game is counting. Loves to count to 5 and when I’m putting him to bed he likes me to just count over and over again as he finds it soothing. He grabs my hand and pulls down my fingers as I count. He has number magnets on the fridge and he carries them around all day. When he’s upset I just ask him to go get his number 2 (his favourite number) and it distracts him every time.
  • He will be cheeky and delay bedtime by giving me lot of kisses and cuddles. He knows I love kisses and cuddles so he just keeps doing it to get out of going to bed.

  • He won’t sit in his high chair much anymore. He wants to sit at his little play table or the big table. Actually I need to buy him a booster seat this week.

  • Doesn’t say the word “no” but says “nah” instead. So I ask him if he wants more banana and he says “nah”. It’s very funny.

Honestly, he’s so much fun right now. He’d been a bit of hard work from around the 12 month mark, but he seems more independent again now. He’ll potter around the house entertaining himself (making mess and mischief) most of the time.

Speaking of mischief, he can almost open doors now, loves to get into the toilets (ahhhh) and is obsessed with electrical switches. He turns them on and off constantly and he has to turn the lights off when we leave a room. Actually, in the library the other day he turned an outlet switch off and it turned out it was for the computers people were sitting at doing work. OMG. I was so embarrassed, I just ran away.

Probably his favourite thing in the world is an overhead fan. He just screams “fan” if we go somewhere with a fan. I had to leave a shop a couple of days ago because it had two fans and he just went mental. Everyone thought it was funny, but it was a little embarrassing how much noise he was making. The funniest thing is if we go somewhere that has a fan but they aren’t switched on. He grabs my chin with his hands and points my face to the ceiling as if to say “sort this out mum”.

Bed time is an ongoing struggle. He’s been in a leap and hasn’t been going to bed until 10.30 pm!!! Then I have to get up for work at 5.00 am. Seriously FML. His little brain is in over-drive and he can’t wind down. Once he falls asleep he doesn’t ever wake up, but he just won’t fall asleep. Then I have to wake him at 8.30 am because he wants to sleep all day. Fighting sleep has always been his issue and it’s hard to find advice on this as most sleep information is about babies who wake in the night. Or advice centres around sleep training and that’s not for me (I can’t handle any level of crying it out to sleep train). Anyway, this is actually the last leap he’ll ever have, apparently after this one they stop, so maybe these sleep issues will improve. Or I could be delusional!

Augie has always been obsessed with his dad, but lately it’s even more extreme. He won’t let me hold him, he just screams “daddy” constantly. He cries when AJ leaves the room. He’s fine when I take him out and it’s just me and him, but if he knows AJ is in the house he goes nuts. It’s actually starting to get to me a little, but I’m sure it’s just a stage? Bloody AJ being the ‘fun’ parent…

All in all, I need to be super soppy and say that I’m just grateful for every single day with my little family. I feel so lucky to have them.

15 + a Half Months (the half matters!)

I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago and didn’t get around to publishing it, but kids change so quickly that it isn’t relevant anymore. So I’ll start again!

Augie is 15 and a half months now, and yes, I’m one of those crazy parents who mentions the half month because it does make a difference ha ha! He has suddenly decided he loves walking. On Halloween he just walked from our kitchen table to the kitchen bench and then to the stairs. Since then he is unstoppable. I wonder if I will ever stop bursting with pride when I see him happily walking across a room. Maybe when he’s 40?

I’m super glad he’s walking because some snide comments from extended family about his (not) walking got back to me. I didn’t know I could get so angry. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it broke my heart a little bit to think anyone was making fun of him.

Augie is going through a daddy’s boy stage. He’s always loved AJ the most, his face just lights up when he walks in the room and he thinks dad is just hilarious. It doesn’t bother me, but lately he doesn’t want to come near me after I get home from work. It’s like he hates me. I’ve heard this is common, but it’s still hard because I miss him so much when I’m at work and then I can’t even cuddle him. AJ works from home so he doesn’t leave and betray Augie like I do. So sad.

I went to a childcare open day on the weekend to look into my options. It seemed nice enough, but I’m still not convinced. I worry about how it will change him. I worry about outside influences that I can’t control. I worry that it would be hard for him and his shy personality. And I worry that he just needs a consistent caregiver at this age. I can see the benefits in how it stimulates them, how great the resources are, how he’ll grow in confidence and even the food looks amazing. It maybe just isn’t the right time for us.

I am finding it tough to balance working 25 hours a week and having Augie at home with me. I work one full day in the city (with a tidy 2.5-3 hour commute each way and AJ looks after Augie) and then I work from home 5.30-7.30 am before Augie wakes and 12.30-2.30 while he has his day sleep. So I get up at 5.00 am and am non-stop all day with work or Augie. Then getting Augie to bed has been a 2-3 hour battle most nights and if I get him down by 9.00 pm it’s a victory and I’m about ready to collapse. So I guess that’s why I was looking at childcare because I’m just so tired. Some days I’ve honestly wondered if I can keep doing it all.

Luckily, Augie’s bedtime has slowly been getting easier and last night it only took 30 minutes and he was asleep by 8.00 pm. Thank god. This has coincided with his fourth front molar coming through finally. Those fucking molars were a nightmare and he won’t take Panadol and he bites me so hard when I try to put the teething gel on. I did notice one of his canines is looking like it’s on it’s way now… it never ends!

He’s still sleeping well once he gets to sleep, normally 11-12 hours. He has occasionally woken fir a cuddle because his teeth hurt (I think?) but that is no trouble and it’s nice to sit in my rocking chair and snuggle in the quiet of the night. Except when it’s 3.00 am and he wants me to hold him for an hour and then I realise there is no point going back to bed so I just stay up and start work. That’s a long day.

He has a lot of words and animal noises now. More than anything though, he understands so much. You ask him to do something (put your drink on the table or put the lid on) and he does. Wow. Mind blown. He now puts himself to bed when he’s tired for his midday and night sleeps. He walks over to the stairs and says ‘nigh nigh’ when he’s tired. So cute! Oh and when I’m holding him, he grabs my face with both his hands, faces it to him and gives me a kiss or rests his face on mine. Ahhh, too much cute.

I’ve made some really good in-roads with friends in my new town. I had a very boozy brunch with some mum friends a few weeks ago (brunch lasted until 5.00 pm!) and we do lots of play dates and social outings. Lucky they are on the same page as me with including wine at these outings! Augie and I keep busy everyday with music, library, swimming, Playgroup and play dates. Some days all of the above. It’s exhausting!

It’s been such a beautiful month with Augie. I love seeing more and more of his personality coming through every day. It’s a fun age!