4 Months Old

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Age: 4 months old. WOW! The changes he has undergone in the last month have been amazing! I feel like he has moved from a newborn to a bouncing baby now. He’s strong, giggly, curious, playful and smart (well, as smart as a baby can be…). As much as I miss my newborn bub, I have to say that a 4 month old is pretty cute. They are so interactive and give you so much back.

Sorry about all of the photos. I just can’t help myself.

Feeding: This has been pretty consistent, he has 5 bottles a day of between 150-180 mls. I still breastfeed him in the mornings, but he doesn’t get much from it. I just do it because I enjoy the time with him. I stopped taking my breastfeeding tablets and I completely ran out of milk, so I got some more to keep me going because I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet.

Sleeping routine: There has been so much change with sleeping this month, it’s hard to make one consistent comment. It can change every week. But, he is still sleeping through the night about 11 hours straight (touch wood) so I can’t complain. Apparently a 4 month sleep regression is coming though… so I won’t hold my breathe!

At the start of the month we had a really rough period where for 3 nights straight he just screamed at bedtime for hours. It was the most sickening and horrible thing to go through. We even ended up taking him for a drive to calm him down. Then it just suddenly stopped. It was when he was starting leap 4, so I can only put it down to that development period.

He still really fights sleep and it gets harder to get him to sleep as the day goes on. I worry that I am letting him get over-tired, but I do try to get him down as soon as I see his sleep cues. We still follow the feed – play – sleep routine, which is something that came about just from following his lead. The only issue is that he generally only sleeps for one sleep cycle (35 minutes) and I’m not good at getting him back to sleep. It rarely happens.

I’ve thought about going to sleep school because it’s covered in my health insurance. I’ve had it recommended to me by a few parents, but I am a little unsure. It’s a 5 night residence for me and bub at a sleep school so it would be hard for AJ to have us both gone (and me too because I am a big homebody). It seems a bit extreme because he really isn’t a terrible sleeper. But I know that he should be sleeping more during the day and also not so fussy in the evenings and if I can help him sleep better I want to give him that opportunity. What to do?

Firsts:

  • We get full on giggles now. He loves it when we kiss his face, tickle his neck or blow raspberries on his tummy. Or any playtime with dad is hilarious. Baby giggles are the best, way better than any drug I have ever taken!
  • He rolled for the first time a week and a half ago. I was doing tummy time with him and he rolled from his tummy to his side and then from his side to his back. He’s only done it once more since, so I don’t think it’s a regular trick just yet.
  • He learned how to squeal last week. He loves testing his voice out and squawking and squealing. That is going to be fun…
  • He has quite a wiggle on now. When I leave him on his play mat he will wiggle himself around. It is making nappy changes a bit harder as he thrashes about and wiggles. He still loves being on his change mat, he just wants to play!
  • His hands are constantly in his mouth. I don’t think he’s teething yet, it’s just a developmental thing.
  • He loves to put any blanket or toy over his face (not very safe!). It seems to soothe him when he is trying to go to sleep though, so I just creep and watch him and then take the toy away when he is asleep.
  • We started Rhyme Time at the local library and he seems to love the singing and watching the other babies. His favourite song is incy wincy spider.

Achievements: We had our first night away with him and also our first night away from him. They were two separate events obviously!

Firstly, we went to my dad’s for the night to celebrate my niece’s 1st birthday. It was a bit of a disaster because he was out of sorts and upset all day/night. I think it was just too much for him with so many people in his face and wanting to hold him. Such an exhausting night, but we made it through. I get so stressed when he plays up when we aren’t at home. He’s so easy at home and it makes it hard to be bothered leaving the house sometimes.

We also had a night out and my dad and step mum came to babysit. We went to my friend’s place to celebrate the purchase of her lovely new home. It didn’t feel too weird to be away from him, in fact I can really see why it’s so important because normally all I think and talk about is the baby, so I need more happening in my life. I am turning to mush! I should not have drunk so much though because I did not appreciate looking after a baby with a hangover the next day. Big mistake.

Things we have learned: We were a bit slack with tummy time because he seemed to hate it. Plus, he’s a spewy baby and putting him on his tummy was a recipe for disaster. Then I was at mother’s group one day and all the bubs were playing on their tummies and I was like… oh shit, I’m such a bad mum, my baby can’t play on his tummy. So from then on I started doing tummy time and within just a few days he was absolutely fine. It’s still not his favourite thing to do, but I can plonk him in front of the mirror on his tummy and he’ll happily stare at himself. Plus he always sits on our lap or over our shoulder and supports his own head, so I think he built up strength that way, rather than smooshing his face on the floor.

Appearance: Well, I am biased, but he’s a bloody little cutie. He’s so chubby and kissable with all the rolls of fat on his arms and legs. I can’t get enough of him. Half of people we know say that he looks like me and the other half say he looks like AJ. I think he might have some of both of our features, but his facial expressions are often like AJ’s. Especially when he screws up his face.

His eyes are still quite blue, but I feel like I see specks of other colour coming through and I wonder if he’ll have the grey/green eyes the same as his dad. He is still pretty bald, but the hair he has is a mix of dark and light. Who knows where that will go.

He was weighed and measured when he was exactly 4 months and was 7 kilos and 64 cm which puts him at exactly the 50th percentile for weight and 52nd for length. Not bad for a little boy who was in the 7th percentile for weight for a while!

Mummy update: Since the weather has warmed up here I have been feeling a bit shit about myself. Just wearing less clothes means that I am constantly seeing my lumps, bumps and rolls and it really brings me down a bit. I actually requested that our builder make our wardrobe doors NOT mirrored because I don’t like having to see myself all of the time, but of course he didn’t listen and now I get to see myself sitting on the bed side on… always a flattering look.

I weighed myself and I bloody gained a kilo this month. Fuuuuuuck! I was so frustrated because I was actually trying to lose weight. I was eating healthy and making an effort to go on walks and I run up and down the stairs in my house about 50 times a day. I really thought I would be down at least 1 kilo.

I guess when I think about it, I am still eating like I am pregnant. I eat very healthy, but I am just eating too much. I was just grabbing a handful of almonds when I was peckish, eating lots of fruit for snacks, having brown rice with dinner, occasionally even eating potatoes or pasta and I was eating dark chocolate for dessert every single night. I have to remember that my body doesn’t lose weight unless I stick to strict no carbs and eat no more than 1200 calories a day. So I’ve gone cold turkey on the dark chocolate and cut all snacks and cutting down carbs (not completely yet).

I’m trying not to be a sook about it and remember that the only thing that matters is that me and my family are happy and healthy. A few extra kilos is not the end of the world. Some days are easier than others!

Pre-baby weight: 80 kilos (176 lbs)
40 Weeks pregnant weight: 93.3 kilos (205.2 lbs)
Previous weight: 84.6 kilos (186.1 lbs)
Current weight: 85.7 (188.5 lbs)
Goal weight: 75 kilos (165 lbs)

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That Time of Year

I’ve been having one of those weeks where I really miss having my mum around. I think the influx of Christmas does it to me. Christmas was  BIG DEAL for my mum. I remember her last Christmas so vividly and it feels like yesterday that we were at the shops every day planning the perfect (last) Christmas.

I took Augie to the shops last Friday and we sat in the outdoor eating area so I could give him a bottle. It was quite nice just the two of us in the sunshine and there was a musician playing songs. A lady sat near us with her mum and a baby the same age as Augie and it just made me so, so sad.

This would have been exactly the sort of thing my mum and I would have been doing together. Nothing special, just a trip to Kmart for some Christmas things and then some groceries from Coles. An extra pair of hands to help with Augie and plan the Christmas festivities.

I watched the mother and daughter and wondered if they knew how lucky they were. But then I realised that someone who desperately wants a baby could be watching me with Augie and wonder if I know how lucky I am. I try to be grateful for what I have, but it doesn’t cancel out the loss.

I silently willed the musician to play a song that would show me that my mum was there with us. He played Stairway to Heaven. It wasn’t a special song to us, but I tried to find some meaning in it anyway.

But, at least it is hard to stay sad for too long with this cheeky little monkey beside me as type.

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0-3 Months: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

It’s been 3 months now with this little delight in our lives. I am surprised at how much I am loving being a mum, but it hasn’t all been sunshine and roses…

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THE GOOD

Smiles and laughter: It lights me up inside when I see him smile or laugh. Like there is just no way I could ever be sad when he smiles or laughs. It’s everything.

Playtime: It’s so much fun to play with him. Singing, dancing, reading and just pulling faces are all so much fun.

Holding onto you: He’s always loved to hold your fingers or hair and snuggle in. It’s the best.

Sleeping: Watching him sleep is pure bliss. Sometimes I just let him sleep on me during the day because it is such a delight to snuggle an angelic sleeping baby.

Waking: When he wakes in the morning he just lies there with a big happy grin waiting to be picked up. I am such a sap that I am normally waiting impatiently for him to wake in the morning so we can have a cuddle.

Seeing others happy: It brings me a huge amount of joy that his presence has also bought joy to my loved ones.

Watching the changes: We have squeals of delight every time we notice him doing any little new thing like hold a toy or watch you across the room. It amazes me to watch him learn and change.

Everything: Honestly, every day with him is good.

THE BAD

Repetitiveness: At this age we are doing the same thing over and over and it can get repetitive.

Mess: I knew this would be hard for me. Kids just create and cause mess. It’s hard to keep up with it. I do my best because it makes me feel calmer to be in a clean and tidy house.

Attention: I like to keep to myself usually, but having a baby meant having a lot of new attention from family, friends and even strangers. I do find it hard to deal with having more people around me and having less time to recharge from it.

Breastfeeding: Well, as we all know, it works or it doesn’t. Even when it does work, it can be painful and difficult. It hasn’t worked for me and it’s been hard mentally and physically to come to that conclusion.

Lack of control: My time and space is not my own anymore and it’s hard to let go of that sense of control. I’d love to know that my baby will feed or sleep at a certain time, but he doesn’t work that way unfortunately. Every day is a mystery!

Bodily fluids: In honesty, I thought this would be harder to deal with because I have a very sensitive stomach. I’ve actually managed ok, but I certainly won’t be sad when his spewy phase is over.

Cutting nails: Good god, they are hard to cut and he loves to poke himself in the eye and get a fright. Can someone start a baby manicure business please?

THE UGLY

Sleep deprivation: I have been pretty lucky, but the first 10 weeks were tough. Very tough. After that he started seeping through the night. When you are in it though, it feels like it will never end.

Money: Going from two salaries to one is hard financially and certainly causes some worry. It’s amazing what you learn to go without though.

Me time: Like writing on this blog. We have a 2 hour cycle of feed, play, sleep. He normally has 4 x 30 minutes sleep during the day, so during that short sleep window I need to get all my crap done- eat, clean, toilet, emails, texts, Instagram, online shopping. At night he is normally asleep by 8.00 pm, which is when we cook dinner, eat, watch TV, clean and sterilise bottles, talk to each other and get to bed by 10.00 pm. Non-stop party time here!

Freedom: I miss being out to go out with AJ and have a few too many drinks, some delicious food and then sleep in the next day, order Uber Eats and watch Netflix all day. I really miss my freedom, especially in the first couple of months, but I’m getting used to it. Life just takes a lot more forward planning these days.

Watching him grow up: As much fun as it is to watch him change, it’s also heartbreaking because you also want him to stay your tiny little baby forever. Sob.

Worry: By far and away the absolute hardest thing about having a baby for me is the constant worry. My heart just aches when he cries. It genuinely makes me feel physically ill. Plus all the worry about whether you are doing things right. Are you worrying too much? I want to be a relaxed parent, but is this being relaxed or negligent? It’s a fine line sometimes!

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Having Baby Part 3: First Night

Having Baby Part 1: Pre-Labour
Having Baby Part 2: Birth


 

Now this part of the story really isn’t that interesting, all the action was over, but it’s important to me because it’s the part when I realised that I loved this little bub.

When I left you I had given birth and dragged my exhausted arse off to the shower about midnight. I was looking forward to getting into bed and having some rest. I was still in the birth suite and waiting to be transferred to a proper room with a queen size bed so AJ and I could sleep. Little did I know that I was completely delusional because I really wouldn’t be sleeping for the next week.

AJ had been looking after bubs for the first few hours after I gave birth. I was just too tired and sick to want to have much to do with the little guy. I was pretty much thinking that having a baby was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I’d made a very big mistake. Panic was setting in.

The midwives had been monitoring bub’s temperature throughout the evening as it was lower than it should be. At the request of the hospital, my sister-in-law had raced back to my place to bring in extra blankets, hats, gloves and outfits (you would think with all the money we spent on private hospital they could take care of this?). We had him all rugged up, but his temperature was still too low.

For the next 5 hours the midwife and I worked to warm him up with heat lamps, my body warmth, breast feeding and then eventually a humidicrib. I thought that I was beyond exhausted, but seeing that tiny little baby looking so sad and cold gave me the energy that I needed to keep going.

Now it wasn’t a dramatic situation, he was going to be fine, but it was enough for my motherly instincts to kick in. Seeing him in distress brought out the protector in me. I knew that he needed me and I didn’t want to let him down.

The humidicrib worked eventually and his temperature stabilised at about 5.30 am. It’s all a bit of blur to me and I am not even sure if I remember that night correctly to be honest. I just know that seeing my little boy sick almost broke me and that it was the moment I started falling in love with this little creature.

Looking back on those photos from the night he was born breaks my heart a little bit. I wish I could go back in time and love him like he deserves from the second he entered the world, but at least I got there in the end.

Now… well I couldn’t love that boy more if I tried. He is my world.

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12 Weeks Old

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Look at that chubby bubby!

There wasn’t a 12 week milestone card because it now goes in monthly updates. Thank freaking god! Trying to find the time to do these weekly updates has been a little difficult. I’m sure anyone following along will appreciate the break from my indulgent baby spam too! Plus it’s hard to really define when he changes and does new things. Often he’ll sort of do something new, but not very well, then over the next week or so he will master it and do it much more frequently. Like at the moment it seems like he is kind of laughing, but if I’m not sure, it probably means that he isn’t. I don’t know. He certainly smiles very big and noisily.

Age: 12 weeks. Does this mean the newborn stage officially over? (Major sobbing and breakdown… my little baby is growing up).

Feeding: I’m still on all the tablets to increase my milk supply, but it doesn’t seem to be making a big difference. Unfortunately I still don’t have a whole heap of milk to give the little boy. I breastfeed him first thing in the morning when he wakes up, but he obviously doesn’t get much because he drinks a full bottle after. I know I could be doing more to increase my milk supply if I really wanted to, but I just don’t have the energy to devote to it. I’ll finish the pack of tablets I have and then I might need to let it go.

Sleeping routine: No major changes to his sleep routine, he is still sleeping through the night really well. He has been really difficult to settle for his naps and bedtime this week and just crying and fighting sleep, even though I can see he is so tired. I am putting this down to him being in his third development leap this week. The app tells me this is all normal and he’ll be clingy and cry more often. He has definitely seemed very cuddly during the day and wanting to sleep on me, which is fine with me because I am always up for extra cuddles!

Firsts: I don’t know if these are firsts, but this week it seems he has really mastered lots skills that he has been working on for a while. It’s been really exciting to watch him learn new things and change every day. AJ and I exclaim to each other every day “can you believe this guy?” as we watch him change. His eyes really follow you around the room now, he grabs at his toys, watches the TV and books, sucks his little fists, dribbles and blows bubbles, wiggles about, arches his back and holds his head (sort of) steady. I guess this is why he isn’t really a newborn anymore (more sobbing).

Achievements: This week I finally feel like I have my shit together. I have a new confidence in getting out and about with the little boy. Previously I have absolutely hated leaving the house with him on my own and now something has clicked and I feel like I can manage him on my own in public. The main thing is that I know his routine better and I know when he’ll be hungry or sooky and I can work around these times. I still stress at the thought of him crying or spewing in public, but I need to get over that fear because I have several years ahead of baby/toddler tears and craziness.

Things we have learned: Well I learned a lot this week because AJ and I did an infants first aid course with some of the couples from my parents group (and our bubs). I have never done any sort of first aid, so I found it really valuable. I learned the big things like CPR and dealing with choking and cuts and burns. My biggest take away was that marshmallows are a major choking hazard. Cafes give them to kids with their babycino and kids suck them right into their windpipe and they are tough to get out. Who knew?

Appearance: He has a killer bald spot on the back of his head where he sleeps. The other day I saw a big ball of hair in his bassinet and I thought it was my hair that he must have grabbed from my head (he loves doing this) and then I looked closer and it was all little Augie hairs. Plus the top of his head is pretty bald, with a nice little mullet at the back, so his hair is really not his strong suit right now.

Mummy update: I braved the scales for the first time since I had Augie and weigh about what I expected. I’m pretty annoyed at myself for how terribly I ate in the first 6 weeks after Augie was born. I reckon I gained more weight in that time than I gained for my entire pregnancy. I’d like to drop 5 kilos before the end of the year and take me to my pre-baby weight. Let’s see if I can do this…

Pre-baby weight: 80 kilos (176 lbs)
40 Weeks pregnant weight: 93.3 kilos (205.2 lbs)
Current weight: 85.1 kilos (187.2 lbs)
2017 goal weight: 80 kilos (176 lbs)
Ultimate goal weight: 75 kilos (165 lbs)

 

11 Weeks Old

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Age: 11 weeks. Daylight savings started this week, which is great because it’s nice to have more daylight in the evening for walks. AJ decided to start work an hour early this week and try and get home an hour early so that he has more time with the little boy. It’s great for me too because I’m starting to climb the walls a little bit by then afternoon, so having him home earlier suits me!

Feeding: When Augie started sleeping through the night a couple of weeks ago he dropped one of his feeds, which worried me a little because it meant he was eating less than recommended for his size and age. This week he has naturally picked that bottle up again during the day by having his bottles closer together. It’s funny how babies just fall into their own rhythms and sort themselves out.

I’m still on the tablets to increase my milk supply. It has made a difference, but not by much so far. I might need to double my dosage.

Sleeping routine: Augie has been a little harder than usual to settle for bed this week. I saw a lot of Instagram mums saying that the full moon had an affect on their kids sleeping, so that might have been the issue. On the night of the full moon he wouldn’t settle for over two hours, which is really unusual for him.

Firsts:

  • Cold: The poor little guy got himself a cold this week. I have been dreading this happening. He was so sick one night that AJ and I sat up all night and watched him because he was struggling to breathe properly with all the mucous (sorry for being gross). Obviously if there was any real danger we would have taken him to the hospital, we were just a bit concerned and we are first time parents who haven’t dealt with a baby cold before. We bought a ventilator for his room and that seemed to help a bit, as well as saline spray, Vicks rub and children’s panadol. He was still a happy little boy, so he can’t have been too sick. Any excuse for extra cuddles works for me.
  • Mirror: He recognises himself in the mirror and is loving staring at himself. I think he likes what he sees. Little show off already.
  • Hands: He has discovered his hands and how tasty they are to chew on. He is using his hands in different ways all the time, he still isn’t too good at using them much, but he is trying to grab or hit things.
  • Toys: He is finally starting to enjoy toys now. He loves anything hanging over his head to stare at or if you rub a soft toy on his face or legs. He grabs at them a little bit, but mostly he just likes to stare at them and smile while you shake them all about in his face.
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Mirror selfie

 

 

 

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Can’t stop eating my hands

Achievements: I had my first night out on the town without the little boy this week. I say it’s an achievement, but I can’t say it was too hard to be honest. I obviously have no worries leaving him with his dad. I had a great night out with some friends drinking wine and laughing a lot. When I got home he was sound asleep. I did wish I could give him a kiss and a cuddle, but I didn’t want to risk waking him up.

Things we have learned: The weather finally started to feel a bit more like spring this week. Unfortunately our room and his nursery are on the third floor of our new townhouse (he is still in our room with us for now) and one day it barely cracked 25 degrees and the room was a sauna. God knows what we will do when summer really hits. We do have an air conditioner in our room, so I’ll probably have to run it all the time to keep it cool up there. Great.

Appearance: Everyone keeps saying that he has really filled out and super chubby now. Such a cute little chubby bubby. Can’t stop kissing that little face!

 

Mummy update: I have struggled physically over the past week or so. It feels a little bit like my body is falling apart. I got Augie’s cold, I had the worst mouth ulcer ever, my skin is so dry that my make up is caked in the cracks, I’ve had dermatitis flare up all over my hands, pimples on my face and a big cyst. Gross. I’ve been taking it easy and chilling out at home as much as possible. It’s bloody hard to look after a baby when you feel so sick yourself. My dad and step mum visited on Sunday and made me some immune boosting chicken soup, so hopefully that will help me feel more like myself soon.

10 Weeks Old

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Age: 10 weeks and seeming more and more alert each day. His favourite thing to do is stare down the toys hanging from his bouncer when we put him in there. His little eyes also follow me and AJ around the room and he gives us massive smiles when he sees us. I love that he is starting to get more playful and interact with us too, it is so much fun!

Feeding: We saw the specialist this week about his possible tongue tie and she confirmed he did have one. Her recommendation was to snip it immediately as it only gets harder the older they get. Oh dear god, my heart nearly exploded out of my chest.

The doctor and the nurse held him down and literally just snipped the skin under his tongue with special scissors. They told me not to watch, so I turned away and covered my ears and closed my eyes so I didn’t pass out from sadness. AJ came with me and he teared up, which I didn’t even notice because I was in my own little world. It was over in an instant and Augie was crying, but he calmed down after I gave him a bottle. He didn’t drink much and the doctor said it was probably because he was in a bit of shock (sob). Then he fell asleep for the afternoon and seemed fine. He was extremely hard to settle that night, I’m not sure if he was in pain, or just over-tired. At least that is over!

So now this will help him latch on and breastfeed easier, but the only problem is that I have very low milk supply. My supply was very low from the start. At the hospital everyone kept saying your milk comes in between day 3-5, but mine just never came. Plus the fact he has been on formula means my supply is practically non-existent now. The doctor gave me a script for Motilium (Domperidone) that is supposed to help build my milk supply and I am also taking a herbal supplement called Fenugreek.

I’m not going to be too upset if it doesn’t work, but I do find it convenient to have the option to both breastfeed and bottle feed. We’ll see how it goes.

Sleeping routine: Still going brilliantly and sleeping 8.00 pm – 7.00 am without waking. I am so, so, so lucky. It does concern me a little because he’s going so long without a feed, but I guess he’ll wake if he is hungry. I actually think I might start putting him to bed earlier because I am finding it hard to get him to sleep because I think he is over-tired and will fight bedtime for about half an hour of horrible tears. If I try and get him down at 7.00 pm that might help. The problem with that is that it means he barely gets to see his dad because AJ doesn’t get home from work until about 6.00 pm. Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do, bubs really sets his own schedule right now.

This is the happy little face I wake up to every morning. He just lies there patiently waiting for me to wake up and play. Best way to start the day!

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Firsts:

  • City trip: I took him on the tram into the city for his appointment with the specialist for his tongue tie. I managed to sneak in a quick dash through Mecca and Benefit to pick up some new make up. Thanks for behaving Augie!
  • Grand final win: His dad’s beloved footy team won the grand final this week. The spooky thing is that AJ predicted this would happen when we found out we were pregnant last year. The last time the Tigers won the grand final was in the year AJ was born (1980), so he said that they’ll win in 2017, the year his baby is born. Keep in mind this is when they were crap and it was hilarious to think they would win the flag. Well, he was bloody right. Should have put money on it, we would have made a fortune. Now AJ wants to keep having a new kid every year to keep the wins rolling in…
  • Sticking his tongue out: After he got his tongue tie snipped he discovered a new trick. He loves getting his tongue out now!

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Achievements: Making it through the tongue tie snip. Well, it was really just me and AJ strggling, Augie wasn’t too bothered by the whole thing.

Things we have learned: He knows there is a world out there and he wants to watch it all. He gets annoyed when I put the bassinet hood down on his pram because he can’t see what is going on. He is a sticky beak like his mum.

Appearance: He is still pulling hilarious faces. Normally after I breastfeed him in the morning is when he is giving me his best looks. He keeps me entertained with his funny looks.

Mummy update: I tried a mums and bubs pilates class this week with some girls from my mothers group. It was OK, just some basic stretching and weights, which is to be expected for new mums. The bubs just lay on the floor next to us while we did the class. Thankfully Augie behaved, but one of the girl’s little bub was unsettled so she missed the whole class. I think we all agreed that we probably wouldn’t return. It was a nice class, but it’s too expensive at $34 per session, given it was quite basic and that our bubs are just as likely to be unsettled and distract us.

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Watching mum do pilates