That’s a First

It’s been about 7 years now since I lost a significant amount of weight, but this weekend I experienced a new “first”. When I was initially losing the bulk of the weight after my lapband I was constantly experiencing these firsts and it was an exciting and daunting time in my life.

I can vividly remember so many of these firsts: Going on an amusement park ride, buying clothes from regular size shops, doing up my seatbelt buckle on a plane, getting a massage, travelling overseas, learning to drive, applying for professional work, swimming at the beach, going to a music festival. It makes me emotional just to think about it.

So, this weekend I went on a jumping castle for the first time in my life! AJ’s sister has recently bought a jumping castle business (what a cool job!) and she needed help packing down after an event. When we got there everyone had already left and she asked if we wanted to have a jump before we packed up. I am normally a bit of a reserved person, but I didn’t hesitate, I kicked off my shoes and jumped in. It was so much fun!!!

When I was a little girl I used to pretend that I was too scared to do things like go in jumping castles (and dive in the pool and go water skiing and go on amusement rides). I honestly thought I was so fat that I would break a jumping castle, but of course I wasn’t. I was so scared of being embarrassed or teased by other kids that I held myself back from so many life experiences.

I wish I didn’t wait to lose weight before living my life to the full, but I’m happy I am doing it now!




Playing Catch Up

So my life lately has really been consumed by work. I haven’t been able to focus on losing weight, but I don’t think I’ve gained weight either. I am counting that as a massive win for me! I am eating healthy on week days (weekends are a disaster) and I’m walking about 25 minutes each way to work most days to keep moving. I need to do more, but lately I just haven’t had the energy and I don’t want to beat myself up about it.

I’ve been in my ‘new’ job for 4 months exactly today. I think I am finally starting to get the hang of it. I still have a long way to go, but I am ever so slightly less panicked and I have even made a couple of friends. I still wish I was living the good life and didn’t have to work though. Man, I really enjoyed that enforced redundancy break. I shouldn’t complain too much though because I guess I am grateful to have a good job.

So my life has really been all about work, but here is what else has been going on in between…

We bought a new car! It was a spur of the moment decision, we had gone out to buy a toaster and ended up driving past a dealership and stopped in for a look. God we are suckers. I am not into cars, but AJ is happy because it does fast sporty things and I am happy because it has heated seats. Win, win.


AJ was asked to speak at a conference in Sydney, so I took the opportunity to join him and make it a long weekend. My brother and sister in law moved to Sydney last year, so it was great to visit them and also plan a little break to the cute wine area of Mudgee. I loved it, we had a blast.

While we were in Sydney we nabbed tickets to see Ben Folds (one of my favourites) at the Sydney Opera House. I had always wanted to see a show at the Opera House so that was awesome. Sydney is so much fun!

My sister in law is due to have her baby on the 25th October. Eeeek, I can’t believe I’ll be an aunty for the first time soon. I threw her a baby shower in the pub underneath my apartment last month. I stressed myself out with the whole thing of course. Party planning is hard work, but it went really well. Phew.

We are still waiting for our townhouse to be built. Originally it was supposed to be finished in August… and we are now in October and we are still a long way off. Apparently the builder has had health issues and has had to have treatment in France, so I guess there isn’t much we can do about it. What makes me nervous is that my rental apartment is being sold and going to auction this weekend. So there is a good chance we are going to be without a house. Shit, shit, shit.


That’s all folks.


Psychic Adventures Part 2

You are going to think I am so crazy when I tell you this story, but trust me, it’s not as weird as it sounds.

Not last Saturday, but the Saturday before, I was drinking my cup of tea on the balcony and wondering what to do with my weekend when I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognise (terrifying) .It was my aunty, my dad’s younger sister, who I have spoken to about 5 times in the last 20 years.

She told me that in recent years she had discovered a gift for psychic readings and was a medical intuitive. She had heard through the family grapevine that I had issues with my fertility and asked if she could come and do a reading for me.

To say that I was shocked was an understatement. No one on my dad’s side of the family has reached out to me since my mum passed away or even included me in most family events. I have kept my fertility issues private, except for one person in the family who obviously sprung a little leak. Not to mention the fact that she claimed to be a psychic medium. Crazy right?

In saying all of that, I really appreciated that she put herself out there to try to help me. She was willing to drive from her tiny country town 3 hours away to my apartment in the middle of the city. I was totally blown away. So I gratefully accepted her offer.

Really, I was just hungry to see if my mum would come through. I knew without a doubt that if there was any way for my mum to contact me, she would be there. She was always one of those mum’s who would move heaven and earth to be there for her kids or stick up for them, much to my constant embarrassment as a child!

I actually saw a psychic earlier this year and really felt like I got a lot of peace out of it, so I was very open to doing it again. I actually just re-read over my notes from that reading and noticed one prediction that had come true, that I would leave my job and have a new job by June. Interesting.

So my aunty came over that afternoon and it was an amazing experience. I know that a lot of people don’t believe in this stuff, but after the experience I had, I believe 100%. There is just no other explanation for the things she told me. My mum came through right away and it was such a relief to communicate with her. I just needed to know that she was OK and that she watching over me.

My aunty knew my mum when she was younger, though had not seen her in many years before she passed, but she was aware of my mum’s mental health struggles. Given the very hard times my mum had and her difficult relationship with my dad’s family, my aunty was afraid that my mum would come through in a darker way. Thankfully, my aunty said that my mum came through happy and at peace. I mentioned this to AJ afterwards and he said that he always thought of my mum as a happy person, but that must have been because he always saw her around her kids and that made her happy. It made me feel to so good to hear him say that about my mum.

My mum and my pop came through together and it was just so amazing to communicate with them. I miss them both more than words can express and I felt safe and looked after with them again. My mum spoke about all of the things I did for her. My aunty and I were both crying. I think the whole reading was actually harder on my aunty than on me.

The messages that came through were very similar to the psychic I spoke to earlier this year. It was a lot about looking after myself and not worrying about my older brother who is troubled and estranged from my family. Worry for him consumes me and my mum wanted me to step away and focus on myself, my new house and my relationship with AJ.

My aunty also did a medical intuition reading and she diagnosed every ache and pain from the exact place of my plantar fasciitis, my rotator cuff injury, my spasming lower back, my recent onset of migraines and my fertility problems.

Now, my aunty had heard that I had fertility problems, I didn’t tell her what they were, but she said to me over the phone that she assumed it would be inflammation and that she has seen it in other women. I didn’t correct her, I thought I would wait and see what she said when she did her reading. She immediately said that it wasn’t inflammation at all and that I had lots of cysts on my ovaries. She could see that I don’t get my period and described it is ‘dry’. Well, she was spot on. I have PCOS, cysts on my ovaries and I don’t get my period or ovulate.

She also mentioned a lot a pain in my breast and it was the main issue coming though. I don’t have any pain in my breast, so I am not sure what this is about. I wonder if my mum somehow projected this through my aunty because she was always worried I would get breast cancer because my grandmother and (another) aunty had it. Of course now I am experiencing weird pangs that I am 99% sure are in my head. OK, maybe I am a little crazy.

She was able to offer suggestions for different foods that would assist me (honey, lemon, broccoli), foods I shouldn’t eat (capsicum, onion, tomato), things I should do (yoga and drink more water). I guess they could apply to most people, but it’s always good to be reminded of these things.

Put simply, this experience helped put me at peace somewhat. I needed it and it definitely eased some pain for me. I also just felt overwhelmed that my aunty drove all that way and did that just for me. I don’t have much contact with family and it just meant the world to me. My mum said in the reading that she bought my aunty to me and I believe it.




Dear mum,

I can’t believe you are 55 today. I still vividly remember planning your 40th and then 50th birthday celebrations like they were yesterday. It’s the third time your birthday has passed without you here now. I don’t think it gets any easier. Dealing with the constant feelings of loss and sadness just becomes a new normal.

You have missed so much this past year. There have been so many changes in our little family! My little brother and his wife moved all the way to Sydney for work, I started building a new house, I was made redundant from my job, my older brother became estranged from our family, I got a new job and I bought a new car. So it’s been a good and bad year. I know it would have been a lot easier to cope with it all if you were here.

The biggest thing that has happened to our family is that you are expecting your first grandchild. No, it’s not from me! Your youngest son is expecting a baby with his wife in October. I am so happy for them, but it has been really hard news at the same time. I know how badly you wanted to be a grandmother and so it just breaks my heart into a million pieces that you aren’t here to experience it finally.

There is no one is the world who wanted to be a grandparent more than you did. Ever since I was a little kid I can remember you talking about being a grandmother. You had us kids so young that you decided that you would probably make a better grandmother than mother. So you talked non-stop about “when I have grand kids” all the things you would do better. I wish I had bothered to tell you that you were actually an amazing mum and that you had nothing to make up for. I’m so sorry that your grand kids won’t have you in their life.

I’m at home in bed sick today and I have no doubt that if you could, you would be here making me soup and cleaning my house so that I could rest. That would make you happy on your birthday. You loved to be needed by your kids. Instead, I will go and buy your favourite white flowers and think of you.

I want you to know that you are so, so very missed.

Love ya mum.


Read 54 here




Resetting Goals

This year I set myself a ‘realistic goal’ for weight loss of 78 kilos (171.6 lbs). I weighed myself last week for the first time in months and discovered that I had already reached this goal. I am not saying this to brag, instead it has made me realise that my body has changed and I need to re-define my goals.

Before I had body lift surgery, 78 kilos was a good number for me. My face, arms and legs thinned out and I had a well defined collar bone. But since I had the excess skin chopped off I now need to reset my expectations when it comes to weight on the scales.

I had about 6 kilos of skin and fat removed in my body lift surgery, so I guess that means that if my past goal was 78 kilos, it probably needs to be 72 kilos (158.4 lbs) now. I don’t feel bad at my current weight and I am thrilled with my progress, but I want to keep going.

Here are some photo of me from before my body lift surgery where I weighed slightly more than I do now. I can clearly see how much thinner I look in these photos than I do now. When I see these photos, all I can think about is how happy and carefree I was back then in 2010. Boy do I wish I could go back in time and tell this girl a thing or two…

Weight Update

I don’t weigh myself much anymore, which is something I have gone on and on about in the past. However, I do like to check in every few months or so and see how I am tracking, because I am actually trying to lose weight (though it often might not seem like it).

My clothes have been fitting me well lately so I thought it was time to check in on my numbers and see if I had lost much weight. One problem with not weighing yourself very often is that you just have no idea what to expect. I have a bad habit of letting my imagination run wild, but even I was pleasantly surprised to see 77.6 kilos (170.7 lbs).

2016 Weigh Ins
5 February: 86.1 (189.4 lbs)
4 May: 82.3 (181 lbs)
3 August: 77.6 (170.7 lbs)

So far this year I have lost 8.5 kilos (18.7 lbs). I am stoked with my results! But obviously the weight is not exactly falling off me. My nifty little scales app tells me that I have averaged a loss of 0.33 kilos per week (0.7 lbs). The old me would have been so, so, so frustrated by those results.

Not weighing myself much has given me the freedom to stop relying on the numbers as motivation to lose weight. Instead I can focus on my goals to be healthier, fitter and feel better in my skin (oh and to look hot in clothes too of course).

Here is a horrible photo I took of myself the morning of my weigh in. Unfortunately I was wearing a baggy sweater dress and my outfit was blending into the rug, so it’s a bit hard to get a proper idea of where I am at size wise. Also, this was taken before work so that’s why I look miserable.


Valium and Netflix

I just realised that I have been in my ‘new’ job for 8 weeks now. It feels like 8 seconds and 8 years at the same time.

I’m not sure if I have ever worked as hard in my life as I have in this job. Or maybe I am just feeling old and tired? Actually, I think that might be it.

I don’t know if I have the energy to establish myself in yet another job. I just feel tired and like I have lost the drive I once had around my career. I was so happy during my 2 month period of unemployment and I miss that feeling a lot.

I think that being made redundant in my last job kind of changed me. I don’t feel bitter or angry about it, but I guess I just find it hard to trust that my hard work will be rewarded or even valued. It makes me wonder why I am killing myself in yet another job and where it will get me. See, I am getting old and cynical!

All of this work stress, even though it’s mostly been manufactured in my own head, has left me feeling particularly anxious lately. I feel overwhelmed by simple tasks (OMG I have to wash my hair…), I’m being snappy to AJ (Close the effing fridge door!) and I’m protective of my personal time (What do you mean you said we’d babysit your sister’s kids all day Saturday?). Thank god for Valium and Netflix.

Despite all of this, I have managed to stick to my healthy eating goals (for the most part). I find that often when I am in the eye of the storm I can stay focussed on eating well. The adrenalin from my anxiety keeps me going. It’s not until everything slows down that I completely crash and burn into a pit of chocolate wrappers. I am determined not to let that happen this time. I’m on high alert!

I should mention that there are some perks to my new job. My company has ties to my favourite football team, which has meant I got to spend some time with these nice guys (and a few others). Swoon.


Me with Mitch Duncan and Tom Hawkins from Geelong Football Club