Wedding Dress

No, not my wedding… I was just a guest.

I bragged a while ago about purchasing a dress for AJ’s sister’s wedding nice and early so I didn’t have to stress about trying to lose weight or doing a frantic shopping centre dash at the last minute. Been there, done that.

I didn’t give it much thought until a few days before the wedding when I tried on the dress and announced that I don’t really like it that much anymore. Sigh. I didn’t exactly hate it, it just isn’t 100% what I would have chosen if I had all size options available to me. Oh well, too late now, suck it up.

I made it work anyway and was happy with how it came together in the end. I only had 30 minutes to get ready because we spent the day racing around setting up the venue. So it was a mad rush, but we made it to the church on time (anyone would think I was the one getting married).

I wish I had more reasons to get dressed up, so if you’re getting married, please invite me. I will drink way too much and make a fool of myself though.

2 Years

Today is 2 years since I lost my mum.

I miss her so much every day.

It doesn’t really get easier, you just learn to live with the sadness and loss.

It is a difficult day to remember, but it’s also impossible to forget.The whole month of March is fraught with feelings of anxiety, fear and loss. I want to honour my mum by remembering her and what she went through, but it is still just too hard to face, especially today. I know she’ll understand if I just do my best to get by.

Our last photo together at the beach near our house

Balancing Act

I struggle with balance more than I struggle with anything else when it comes to food. I am a classic all or nothing personality with food… and with a lot of other things in life… If eat a slice of pizza, I may as well eat the whole thing… and a tub of ice cream to wash it down. It doesn’t matter if I am not hungry, I better eat all of the food because I will be back on the ‘diet’ tomorrow.

I could have a perfectly lovely dinner with friends and then come home and raid the fridge because I had blown the diet now anyway. So I started to say no to social invitations because I couldn’t trust myself to eat like a normal person. I would overthink what I would eat (I’ll just order the salad and only have one glass of wine) and then I would come home and binge on whatever crap I could find.

In the first week of the new year my girlfriend invited me to enjoy drinks in the sunshine while we were on holidays from work. As usual, I had overindulged during the holidays and felt like I should stick to clean and healthy living until my pants buttoned up again, so I declined the invitation. Then I got angry at myself because I felt like I was always saying no to fun things because of my stupid diet.

This triggered me to assess what the hell I am doing with my life. Why do I make life so miserable for myself? Don’t I have enough shitty things in my life, without deliberately making my life shittier?

So now I am trying to find a way I can balance having a fun social life, with living a healthy lifestyle. This doesn’t come naturally to me at all. I either want to stay home and avoid being around food completely or go out and eat like a crazy person.

I am getting better, slowly. On Friday night I went out after work and had one glass of wine and then came home and ate a normal healthy dinner. Every fibre of my being wanted to keep the party going and head out for more drinks and an indulgent dinner. But I know that if I can enjoy learn to enjoy life in a more balanced way, I’ll get to experience more and maintain a more healthy weight. It’s worth a shot.

Bra Shopping

I made a new years resolution this year to do one simple thing. Buy some good bras.

Well it sounds simple, but buying the perfect fitting bra has always evaded me. Mostly due to my own lack of effort.

Since I had lower body lift surgery a couple of years back my body shape has really changed and I now have huge boobs. Well, not just boobs, but back fat too (yay!). So I am pretty top heavy and I really need to be doing more to support those big things. My normal routine of going to Target and buying a bra that looked around the right size and was under $25 was no longer working for me.

My left boob is also almost a full size bigger than my right side. There isn’t much I can do about that, but I just wanted to share that little gem with you. Why don’t they make bras that cater to us uneven chested women? Or maybe it is just me with this problem?

So on Saturday I made it my mission to find a bra that fit me properly. I wasn’t particularly excited by this task, especially because I tore my rotator cuff in December and just putting a bra on every day is painful, let alone trying on 20 at the one time. It was a necessary evil though because I had recently purchased two dresses that needed some assistance in the bra stakes. So I psyched myself up for it.

It turns out that if you are over a size 14 or above a D cup you are going to have a lot of trouble finding a good bra in Australia. It’ll be even harder to find one that doesn’t look like it belongs to your grandmother. The whole experience really sucked and reminded me why I don’t normally put in any effort with bra shopping. I was surrounded by beautiful bras and only about 5% of them came in my size (18 DD). Damn it.

Then I was walking past City Chic and thought I would have a little look and see if they had any bras. I totally struck gold. Why didn’t I know that City Chic have the best plus size bras?

The City Chic bras managed to encase my big boobies, lift them up without my cup spilling over and control my back fat situation.

I probably need to keep working on my quest to find the perfect bra (if such a thing exists), but I have made a good start. My next step would be to get professionally fitted, but I am not sure I am ready for that yet.

This is not a sponsored post. I only dream of people paying me for shit like this.

Walk the Line

I’m trying very hard to do things this year that make me feel healthy and happy. It feels like there are a few big things in my life that are hard to change that make me unhappy (though I am trying). So I am trying to focus on the little things I can do to be happy.

The first thing I started doing was walking half way to work every morning and half way home every evening. Instead of catching two trams to work, I walk the 25 minutes by the river to my tram stop. It really only adds about 10 minutes to my commute because it means I don’t have to catch one of my trams.

I love the city, but being around trees and nature just makes me feel at peace. It gives me the same soothing feeling that chocolate does… well maybe not quite as good, but close! It really is the perfect way to start and finish my work day.

I have always loved walking to work, but stopped due to chronic plantar fasciitis pain. It hasn’t improved, but I have decided to live with the pain for now because I really want to move more and be invigorated by nature.

The bonus is that it means I spend less time on crowded trams and I get some exercise.