I struggle with balance more than I struggle with anything else when it comes to food. I am a classic all or nothing personality with food… and with a lot of other things in life… If eat a slice of pizza, I may as well eat the whole thing… and a tub of ice cream to wash it down. It doesn’t matter if I am not hungry, I better eat all of the food because I will be back on the ‘diet’ tomorrow.
I could have a perfectly lovely dinner with friends and then come home and raid the fridge because I had blown the diet now anyway. So I started to say no to social invitations because I couldn’t trust myself to eat like a normal person. I would overthink what I would eat (I’ll just order the salad and only have one glass of wine) and then I would come home and binge on whatever crap I could find.
In the first week of the new year my girlfriend invited me to enjoy drinks in the sunshine while we were on holidays from work. As usual, I had overindulged during the holidays and felt like I should stick to clean and healthy living until my pants buttoned up again, so I declined the invitation. Then I got angry at myself because I felt like I was always saying no to fun things because of my stupid diet.
This triggered me to assess what the hell I am doing with my life. Why do I make life so miserable for myself? Don’t I have enough shitty things in my life, without deliberately making my life shittier?
So now I am trying to find a way I can balance having a fun social life, with living a healthy lifestyle. This doesn’t come naturally to me at all. I either want to stay home and avoid being around food completely or go out and eat like a crazy person.
I am getting better, slowly. On Friday night I went out after work and had one glass of wine and then came home and ate a normal healthy dinner. Every fibre of my being wanted to keep the party going and head out for more drinks and an indulgent dinner. But I know that if I can enjoy learn to enjoy life in a more balanced way, I’ll get to experience more and maintain a more healthy weight. It’s worth a shot.