Resetting Goals

This year I set myself a ‘realistic goal’ for weight loss of 78 kilos (171.6 lbs). I weighed myself last week for the first time in months and discovered that I had already reached this goal. I am not saying this to brag, instead it has made me realise that my body has changed and I need to re-define my goals.

Before I had body lift surgery, 78 kilos was a good number for me. My face, arms and legs thinned out and I had a well defined collar bone. But since I had the excess skin chopped off I now need to reset my expectations when it comes to weight on the scales.

I had about 6 kilos of skin and fat removed in my body lift surgery, so I guess that means that if my past goal was 78 kilos, it probably needs to be 72 kilos (158.4 lbs) now. I don’t feel bad at my current weight and I am thrilled with my progress, but I want to keep going.

Here are some photo of me from before my body lift surgery where I weighed slightly more than I do now. I can clearly see how much thinner I look in these photos than I do now. When I see these photos, all I can think about is how happy and carefree I was back then in 2010. Boy do I wish I could go back in time and tell this girl a thing or two…

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Weight Update

I don’t weigh myself much anymore, which is something I have gone on and on about in the past. However, I do like to check in every few months or so and see how I am tracking, because I am actually trying to lose weight (though it often might not seem like it).

My clothes have been fitting me well lately so I thought it was time to check in on my numbers and see if I had lost much weight. One problem with not weighing yourself very often is that you just have no idea what to expect. I have a bad habit of letting my imagination run wild, but even I was pleasantly surprised to see 77.6 kilos (170.7 lbs).

2016 Weigh Ins
5 February: 86.1 (189.4 lbs)
4 May: 82.3 (181 lbs)
3 August: 77.6 (170.7 lbs)

So far this year I have lost 8.5 kilos (18.7 lbs). I am stoked with my results! But obviously the weight is not exactly falling off me. My nifty little scales app tells me that I have averaged a loss of 0.33 kilos per week (0.7 lbs). The old me would have been so, so, so frustrated by those results.

Not weighing myself much has given me the freedom to stop relying on the numbers as motivation to lose weight. Instead I can focus on my goals to be healthier, fitter and feel better in my skin (oh and to look hot in clothes too of course).

Here is a horrible photo I took of myself the morning of my weigh in. Unfortunately I was wearing a baggy sweater dress and my outfit was blending into the rug, so it’s a bit hard to get a proper idea of where I am at size wise. Also, this was taken before work so that’s why I look miserable.

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Weight Update

I’ve been pretty clear that I don’t get along well with the scales. I don’t make it a habit to weigh myself, but I also don’t want to become scared of the scales or completely delusional about my weight because then I get out of control.

So last week I tried to ever so casually step on the scales and check in to see how they were tracking.

The results

Previous weight: 5th February, 86.1 kilos (189.4 lbs)
Current weight: 4th May, 82.3 kilos (181 lbs)
Loss: 3.8 kilos (8.4 lbs)

I was really happy with this result!

I know that losing 3.8 kilos in 3 months is not much, in fact it’s only 0.29 of a kilo per week. Wow, talk about taking my sweet time. If I had been weighing myself every week I would have gone completely insane to see the numbers moving that slowly, so it reassures me that not weighing myself was the right decision.

So why so slow? Well my weight loss has always been pretty slow. I have PCOS and insulin resistance, which means my body just does not like to shed the bloody weight.

I have also enjoyed my life to the full, which for me means dinners out, drinks with friends, family meals, weekends away and day trips with plenty of good food and wine. I do try and moderate these indulgences to once a week, but sometimes life doesn’t work out like that and I am learning to be OK with it.

The other reason my weight loss has been pretty slow is that I have reintroduced carbohydrates into my diet. For years I have been trying to stay low carb (with varying levels of success) and it does seem to work best for me and my weight loss. But, I just can’t live like that anymore. I am sick of being hungry and unsatisfied and just bloody tired from having no fuel in my tank.

I have changed my approach to monitor sugar rather than carbohydrates. My diet now includes, legumes, brown rice, quinoa, freekeh and wholegrain bread. I do still limit the amount I eat and will try to only have one serve per day while my body adjusts to the change. I knew this would impact my weight loss but it was worth it to me to feel healthier long term.

So what is next? I want to keep losing weight and I would love to get to between 75-78 kilos (165 – 171.5 lbs) by the end of this year. I don’t want to worry about that too much right now though, I just want to focus on choosing the right behavious: balanced eating, exercise and not hating myself.

This is me taken this morning in the gym in my apartment building. It’s a horrible photo, but it gives you an idea of where I am at this weight.

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The Bloody Scales

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After being unexpectedly weighed by my plastic surgeon last week I decided I had to break my self-imposed scale ban and see what I weighed on my own scales. I figured I would have the home ground advantage with my own scales. When my surgeon weighed me I had drunk a glass of water and was wearing my underwear, which was obviously adding at least 5 kilos!

So I weighed myself last Friday morning and the result was 86.1 kilos (189.4 lbs) which was 2.4 kilos less than he weighed me. Phew. That number is much closer to where I thought my weight was currently sitting.

The ridiculous thing is that the number on the scale changes nothing. I am the same person I was before I knew how much I weighed. I should look and feel exactly the same regardless of whether I know or don’t know how much I weigh, right?

But, it doesn’t work like that for me because after knowing my weight I started feeling fatter. I stared at myself in the mirror at home and my brain was thinking “Oh yeah, you are really quite fat, look at your chubby face and how wide you are. Oh and those arms are like planks of wood, keep those covered up.”

It’s the Schrödinger’s cat of the scales. When I didn’t know how much I weighed I could be simultaneously thin or fat in my head. Once I knew the number, I was just fat.

Clearly weighing myself is not healthy for me. I am trying to feel good about my body regardless of its weight and size­­. So, I won’t make a habit of weighing myself in the future, but I will step on the scales occasionally to measure my progress, if I feel like it.

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Weighing In

weighing myself

I managed to stop weighing myself a couple of years ago. At first it was easy because I was gaining weight and very happily avoiding the scale and any concept of reality. When I was ready to work on losing weight again I had to fight the nagging voice in my head telling me to get on the scale. I do actually find weighing myself helps motivate me to lose weight, but not in a healthy way, only because I want to starve myself to see good results on the scale. Then comes the crushing disappointment when the results are not what I had hoped. Nothing can ruin a day better than an unexpectedly bad weigh in.

Even though I didn’t want to weigh myself, I did still want to get an indication of how my weight loss was tracking. So I asked my doctor to weigh me and not tell me the number and I would just get her to weigh me every few months. That was great until she forgot and accidentally told me the big bad number. This was May last year and I was back up to 106 kilos (233 lbs) and it was a crushing blow. How I felt when I heard that number reminded me of why I didn’t want to weigh myself. I don’t need to define how I feel about myself by a number on a scale. Never again.

After that I did go on to lose about 25 kilos (55 lbs) by the end of last year. I think it was around December when I last got weighed by my doctor and was 82 kilos (180 lbs). I haven’t seen any numbers on the scale since then, but my weight has continued to fluctuate up and down by quite a lot. I have re-gained and lost the same 10 kilos a couple of times this year already… It’s safe to say that I haven’t got my emotional eating under control!

I am now getting better at tracking how my weight is going by my clothes and just how I feel in my body. If I was hazard a guess at what I weigh right now, I would say about 85 kilos (187 lbs)… or maybe a few kilos more. I’m not terribly comfortable at this weight and I definitely want to lose about 10 kilos to feel better about myself. Right now my only goal is to fit back into the dress in the picture below by Christmas (I’m the brunette on the right). I wore it to a wedding in March this year, so if I can successfully get it to fit me by the end of this year again I will be happy.

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