Now this part of the story really isn’t that interesting, all the action was over, but it’s important to me because it’s the part when I realised that I loved this little bub.
When I left you I had given birth and dragged my exhausted arse off to the shower about midnight. I was looking forward to getting into bed and having some rest. I was still in the birth suite and waiting to be transferred to a proper room with a queen size bed so AJ and I could sleep. Little did I know that I was completely delusional because I really wouldn’t be sleeping for the next week.
AJ had been looking after bubs for the first few hours after I gave birth. I was just too tired and sick to want to have much to do with the little guy. I was pretty much thinking that having a baby was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I’d made a very big mistake. Panic was setting in.
The midwives had been monitoring bub’s temperature throughout the evening as it was lower than it should be. At the request of the hospital, my sister-in-law had raced back to my place to bring in extra blankets, hats, gloves and outfits (you would think with all the money we spent on private hospital they could take care of this?). We had him all rugged up, but his temperature was still too low.
For the next 5 hours the midwife and I worked to warm him up with heat lamps, my body warmth, breast feeding and then eventually a humidicrib. I thought that I was beyond exhausted, but seeing that tiny little baby looking so sad and cold gave me the energy that I needed to keep going.
Now it wasn’t a dramatic situation, he was going to be fine, but it was enough for my motherly instincts to kick in. Seeing him in distress brought out the protector in me. I knew that he needed me and I didn’t want to let him down.
The humidicrib worked eventually and his temperature stabilised at about 5.30 am. It’s all a bit of blur to me and I am not even sure if I remember that night correctly to be honest. I just know that seeing my little boy sick almost broke me and that it was the moment I started falling in love with this little creature.
Looking back on those photos from the night he was born breaks my heart a little bit. I wish I could go back in time and love him like he deserves from the second he entered the world, but at least I got there in the end.
Now… well I couldn’t love that boy more if I tried. He is my world.