1 – 3 WEEKS: 21st October – 4th November 2016
I have no idea that I’m pregnant, but oh my god, why are my boobs so freaking sore?
4 WEEKS: 11th November 2016
I’m experiencing what appears to be severe PMS symptoms: cramps, emotional, sore boobs and tired. I am so tired and emotional at work that I joke to a colleague that I am close with I might need to take a pregnancy test because I do not feel like myself at all. But I don’t really think much more about it.
5 WEEKS: 18th November 2016
I’ve had terrible insomnia all week, just laying in bed awake all night with no hope of sleep. When I do sleep, I have extremely vivid and strange dreams. Then I’m so tired that I fall asleep on the tram on the way home from work.
My PMS symptoms have continued and I start to think that if it is PMS, surely my period would have come by now? My period is a couple of weeks late, but that is normal for me. I’ve only got my period 3 times this year (thanks to Clomid) so it’s not unusual at all that my period would be late.
On Thursday my symptoms are getting out of control. I’m busy and distracted at work, but I write “PT” on my hand to remind myself to buy a pregnancy test when I get home.
I stop by the little supermarket in my apartment building and try to covertly buy a pregnancy test and hope like hell I don’t run into my neighbours. I wait until I am busting to go to the toilet to take the test and then try to read the instructions. This is not smart because it’s really hard to read instructions when you’re about to wet yourself.
It seems I have bought a confusing test, there are two windows, one that says “Test” and one that says “Control”. Both windows get 1 line in them and I’m disappointed because I am hoping to see 2 lines in the “Test” window. I thought “Control” is just to test that it is working correctly. Oh well, looks like I’m not pregnant, I really didn’t expect to be anyway.
A couple of hours later I go back and read the instructions again and start to think I have misunderstood it. Maybe a line in each window means pregnant? I really don’t know at this point. Fuck.
Panic strikes and I immediately google “planned pregnancy regret”. I feel like I am going to be sick. What have I done?
10 minutes pass and I have recovered. The shock has worn off, but it’s been replaced with denial. I decide that I have definitely read the test wrong. I’m not going to think much more about it until I can do another test. AJ is in Sydney for work and his flight has been delayed, he’s not going to be home until really late, so I decide not to mention anything until I have more information. But I am pretty sure that I am not pregnant.
The pregnancy test is on my mind all weekend, but I’m scared to take another test. If I take a test and it’s negative, then I’ll be disappointed, so my logic is to just ignore it. Then on Sunday AJ is away all day helping his sister with her jumping castle business, so I decide to walk down the street and buy another test. I’d rather do this on my own so there is less pressure. Hopefully this test will be less confusing.
This time I’m excited and I spend all afternoon trying to work out my due date. Unfortunately I can’t work it out because my periods are all out of whack. I am guessing it’s some time in July.
I don’t know how I should tell AJ. I know he is going to be completely shocked. Neither of us ever really thought that I would get pregnant.
He gets home late after a long day outside in the heat and he’s exhausted. We sit out on the balcony and barbecue for dinner. I wait until he sits down and basically hand him the positive test. He’s happy, but the news doesn’t really sink in. It’s a surreal moment for us both and he is more in shock than anything.
6 WEEKS: 25th November 2016
On the Monday morning I ring my fertility doctor and let her know that I had a positive pregnancy test. She asks me to come in for a blood test to check my Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) levels which will confirm pregnancy and give a rough idea of how far along I am.
I go into East Melbourne IVF for my blood tests at 7.00 am on Tuesday and the clinic calls me back before lunch to confirm that I am indeed pregnant and that HCG is 12029, which indicates approximately 6 weeks. She starts talking about deciding if I will be public or private and choosing an obstetrician. I have no idea about any of this stuff. Panic starts to set in.
She books me in for a scan next week where they should be able to tell me the due date and maybe hear the heartbeat. I can’t believe this is happening.
AJ is getting excited now that we have confirmation from the doctor. He brings me home my favourite white blooms and tells me he will give me a foot massage every night. Let’s see how long this lasts!
Sunday night I am suddenly struck by
morning all day sickness. I am suddenly nauseous 24/7 and it is sucking the life out of me. At first I was excited that I had morning sickness, but the novelty has worn off very quickly.
On Tuesday we go in for my first ultrasound nice and early at 7.30 am. The doctor doing the scan tries to do the ultrasound through my belly, but can’t see anything, so he does an internal ultrasound. This works! We can hear the heartbeat and see the little baby. The doctor says that everything looks fine and I’m 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. So I’m about a week behind where I thought I was and my due date is officially 21st July 2017. The doctor also confirms that it is just one baby. Due to conceiving with Clomid, there is a higher chance of multiple birth. I’m happy it’s only one, I definitely couldn’t handle more than that!
I’m cautiously excited at this point, but I still feel like there is a long way to go before I’ll believe that everything will be OK. We leave the ultrasound and wait for a tram to go into work and I spend the whole time dry retching. This is going to be a long 9 months!