I just realised that I have been in my ‘new’ job for 8 weeks now. It feels like 8 seconds and 8 years at the same time.
I’m not sure if I have ever worked as hard in my life as I have in this job. Or maybe I am just feeling old and tired? Actually, I think that might be it.
I don’t know if I have the energy to establish myself in yet another job. I just feel tired and like I have lost the drive I once had around my career. I was so happy during my 2 month period of unemployment and I miss that feeling a lot.
I think that being made redundant in my last job kind of changed me. I don’t feel bitter or angry about it, but I guess I just find it hard to trust that my hard work will be rewarded or even valued. It makes me wonder why I am killing myself in yet another job and where it will get me. See, I am getting old and cynical!
All of this work stress, even though it’s mostly been manufactured in my own head, has left me feeling particularly anxious lately. I feel overwhelmed by simple tasks (OMG I have to wash my hair…), I’m being snappy to AJ (Close the effing fridge door!) and I’m protective of my personal time (What do you mean you said we’d babysit your sister’s kids all day Saturday?). Thank god for Valium and Netflix.
Despite all of this, I have managed to stick to my healthy eating goals (for the most part). I find that often when I am in the eye of the storm I can stay focussed on eating well. The adrenalin from my anxiety keeps me going. It’s not until everything slows down that I completely crash and burn into a pit of chocolate wrappers. I am determined not to let that happen this time. I’m on high alert!
I should mention that there are some perks to my new job. My company has ties to my favourite football team, which has meant I got to spend some time with these nice guys (and a few others). Swoon.