I dreamed about my mum again last night. When I woke up I knew it was just a dream, but I kept my eyes closed so that I could try and hang on to it for as long as possible. I willed myself to go back to sleep and back to the happiness of my dream world where my mum was still alive, but it didn’t work.
So I sat on the side of my bed and tried to remember the details of the dream. How it felt for her to be alive, but the memory of the dream was already fading.
Throughout the day fragments of the dream would come back to me. They came out of nowhere and punctured my peaceful Sunday. I treasured the little pieces of my mum that came back to me. It felt so real that I ached to have her back.
Some days I feel sad for my mum and all of the life she missed out on. Other days I feel sad for myself and all of the time I missed with my mum. Today is one of those days where I feel selfish and just miss her for myself. I miss having someone who loves me unconditionally and cares about every part of me.
It has been almost 2 years without her now, but somehow I miss her more than ever.
It’s time for bed again now… I hope I see you in my dreams again mum.