Weighing In

weighing myself

I managed to stop weighing myself a couple of years ago. At first it was easy because I was gaining weight and very happily avoiding the scale and any concept of reality. When I was ready to work on losing weight again I had to fight the nagging voice in my head telling me to get on the scale. I do actually find weighing myself helps motivate me to lose weight, but not in a healthy way, only because I want to starve myself to see good results on the scale. Then comes the crushing disappointment when the results are not what I had hoped. Nothing can ruin a day better than an unexpectedly bad weigh in.

Even though I didn’t want to weigh myself, I did still want to get an indication of how my weight loss was tracking. So I asked my doctor to weigh me and not tell me the number and I would just get her to weigh me every few months. That was great until she forgot and accidentally told me the big bad number. This was May last year and I was back up to 106 kilos (233 lbs) and it was a crushing blow. How I felt when I heard that number reminded me of why I didn’t want to weigh myself. I don’t need to define how I feel about myself by a number on a scale. Never again.

After that I did go on to lose about 25 kilos (55 lbs) by the end of last year. I think it was around December when I last got weighed by my doctor and was 82 kilos (180 lbs). I haven’t seen any numbers on the scale since then, but my weight has continued to fluctuate up and down by quite a lot. I have re-gained and lost the same 10 kilos a couple of times this year already… It’s safe to say that I haven’t got my emotional eating under control!

I am now getting better at tracking how my weight is going by my clothes and just how I feel in my body. If I was hazard a guess at what I weigh right now, I would say about 85 kilos (187 lbs)… or maybe a few kilos more. I’m not terribly comfortable at this weight and I definitely want to lose about 10 kilos to feel better about myself. Right now my only goal is to fit back into the dress in the picture below by Christmas (I’m the brunette on the right). I wore it to a wedding in March this year, so if I can successfully get it to fit me by the end of this year again I will be happy.

nick's wedding

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6 thoughts on “Weighing In

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