A lot has happened since I was last blogging regularly, before my mum died. Though it also feels like life has been standing still, but I think that was just me trying to hold onto my old life. In a way I think that I have been resisting change because I hated every new thing in my life that my mum wasn’t here to experience with me.
I hated when I got my hair cut and my mum couldn’t see it, I hated when I bought a new rug and I couldn’t show my mum, I hated that I couldn’t tell my mum about my new job and I hate that my mum has never seen the apartment I live in now. I just hate that my life has to go on without her.
It’s been almost 17 months since she passed away and I still reach for my phone to call and text her and it still takes my breath away when I realise I can’t. I honestly can’t believe that it will be like this forever.
Part of the reason I started blogging again is because I need a place to talk about my mum. I don’t want to be depressing or have a pity party, but I don’t have anyone else that I can really talk to about her. I don’t have much family, and since she passed away we haven’t exactly got closer… I feel like I am losing her more and more each day and I want to talk about her so that I can keep her with me.
Me, mum and my little brother at the snow many years ago. This photo really sums up my mum’s dry personality and makes me smile 🙂